Bubble Bath Surprises

9 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 205
Bubble Bath Surprises

3-1-06

Some days, I feel like failure–
tar bubbles in slimy asphalt,
and I try to fly over it,
but instead sink into my dirty goo.

And I’m caught inside a flaming pie,
I’m caught inside my ballpoint’s eye,
and I fall and rise,
a psychological tide,
and life is this bedrock.
Sometimes, there’s vertigo inside my mind
while trains whistle love,
spuds attack, and I cower in my bosom,
awed by the possibilities
and terrified by Mother Television’s silence.

And some days, I am so mighty–
a galactic twist, pumping veins,
electrified ideas, a world falling together
beneath me.

All pain is inside our mind,
our suffering comes from within,
and so we wish to make our enemies see themselves,
that’s hate.
And we wish to hide our babies from themselves,
that’s love.
And fire shows us our darker nature;
that’s hate.
And amputation is only a humm of loudness
and instant weight loss.

So aspects find themselves
twisting and twirling, out of contextual ratio,
hiss and static combine in the soul,
inflame us, it’s time to go and implode
in self-denial surgery,
cannons pound my brain’s fortification.

And sometimes, I wonder why blood is sweet
and love so desperately sour.




*I just want to say, before anyone comments, that I don't want to hear it. I know you hate the "spuds attack" line. I love it. I won't change it, no matter what you say. It's there. It's the best part of the poem. You...just don't understand me. No, no, no you don't. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!*




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
no comment on spuds attacks. apparently, it's been banned.

dirty goo.

goo...is a funny word. it's fine to use, but i just wanted to point it out. heh. goo.

flaming pie,

this image is very...comical. it's better than spuds attack, though.

and so we wish to make our enemies see themselves,
that’s hate.
And we wish to hide our babies from themselves,
that’s love.
And fire shows us our darker nature;
that’s hate.


if you rearraged your punctuation and line breaks here, i believe it would be more appealing. here it just sort of resembles an amateur's poem, and i know you're better than that.

humm

hum

And sometimes, I wonder why blood is sweet
and love so desperately sour.


BEST LINE EVER!
Carpe Diem.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 91
I enjoyed it. I have no significant contributions to make, but agree with Xanthan Gum. 8)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 205
I've added an extra m to hum, because I don't want it pronounced "hum" when reading this, I want it pronounced, "hummm." I figure if I have three m's, you know it's intentional and I won't change it, because it's like spud. My mind is set. Lol.

But "hummm"...it's so...gooood. And hum is so normal. Fuck that.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 91
I love how open you are to suggestions...




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 205
hey, I'm open to some. I worked on a lot of what Xantham said...

but some things are permanent.

ho hummm.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1254
Reviews 387
Cool poem. I must agree, I absolutely love that last line. :)
@(^_^)@
Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 136
F*** the poem, I love the title!
No the poem's great, and what you said about 'humm' makes sense, I think....
Can't do crits, so that is all I have to say :wink:
www.myspace.com/prettytorture
felicitypepper@hotmail.co.uk

Big up the YWS Massive!

....And I still don't know what SPEW is....




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 205
oh, in case anyone else ever looks at these, I should say that...
I wasn't the person who invented the flaming pie image. Paul McCartney did, and he named an album after it in the late 90's. When it came out, the single on it that was big inspired me...to start a new band, as the drummer and lead singer, in my other life in the K galaxy, Gammaverse. I like the image, so I stole it.



"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."
— Lewis Carroll