Somtimes, Sometimes

This something I wrote on the spur of the moment so hope you like it.

Sometimes you just can’t feel it
Sometimes it is just so wrong
Sometimes you just can’t keep going on
Sometimes, Sometimes

You want to try
You want to fight
But sometimes, sometimes
It just doesn't work that way

I try to keep on going
I try to fight on
I try, I try
But sometimes, sometimes
It just doesn’t work that way

I wake up and find every thing is gone
It feels so wrong
So wrong
I keep on going

I keep on fighting
But sometimes, sometimes
You find yourself a shell
Of what you used to be
You try to get it back
But it just doesn’t work that way

All that’s left is to keep on going on
Even when all seems lost
You keep on going on
Sometimes, Sometimes
It just doesn’t work that way

It felt like the "Sometimes, Sometimes" was over-repeated, but that may be because a)I'm reading it, not listening to it, and b)the whole piece is one big block, so it's hard to distinguish verses, chorus, and the like. Get a chorus together, than elaborate on it with the verses. As far as I can tell, it's the best way to organize lyrics. But then again, I'm not the final word on structure. But if a chorus doesn't feel right to you, at least separate it into stanzas so the reader cn figure out which ideas are grouped together!

The idea's good, just re-organize it somehow. :thumb:

I agree that the verse-chorus structure is the easiest to read, but that is my opinion. Sometimes, songs are OK when they don't have a chorus because then you don't get bored of hearing the same thing again and again. They can somtimes be more meaningful that way. I liked the idea of this, and you worded it very well. Keep writing.

-*-*--Diana--*-*-

Ok, well I have spaced it out now so hope it looks and sounds better.