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Young Writers Society
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Read / Write
Misc. Work
Lyrics
start of a song
6 posts
Twitch111
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
17
Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:26 am
Twitch111
says...
·
Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:26 am
What do you think? Hope you like it.
Just another day
In another way
Keep on going on
Till its all gone
I wake up another day
Put on another face
Tears gone today
Try to keep on going
Reasons ever going
People ever lying
People ever dying
Snip Snip
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
56
Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:26 am
Snip Snip
says...
·
Sun Dec 04, 2005 2:26 am
Cool, not the best,
I wake up another day
Put on another face
Tears gone today
Try to keep on going
Reasons ever going
The rhyming sceme in these five lines is kinda messed up.
so give me all your
poison
,
and
give
me all your
pills
,
if
this
is
what
you
want
then
FIRE AT WILL
David Guinness
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
114
Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:29 pm
David Guinness
says...
·
Tue Dec 20, 2005 4:29 pm
This reminds me of The Beatles' "A Day in the Life"...
David Guinness
seamonsters
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
4
Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:26 am
seamonsters
says...
·
Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:26 am
I think this song has some serious potential. Using another 3 times was kind of repititive and made me lose my place. In the part where you said:
Put on another face
Tears gone today
It would make more sense if you turned "gone today" into "gone from yesterday".
For your age its pretty impressive to me. Keep on writing!
timjim77
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
212
Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:40 pm
timjim77
says...
·
Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:40 pm
Anonymous
Why are people always waking up in songs? And why is it always "another day"?
chocolate-teapot
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
4
Tue Feb 14, 2006 7:18 pm
chocolate-teapot
says...
·
Tue Feb 14, 2006 7:18 pm
Okay, erm...
I think these lyrics have true potential, but could you tell what Key it is in, and what instruments are used.
You could really quite go far with these lyrics, and I hope you can add more
"yummy, yummy, yummy, i got food in my tummy"
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The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451