the story of a brave few

Did you hear the cries of the severed ones,
who left a trail of blood when they left the road,
taking the wrong exit and using the wrong gear.
Well, the handbrake's broken and they're falling down
back to lonely silences in their old hometown.

Bullet holes in their capillary walls
with bandaged hearts and a fractured smile,
they march forward to the beat of your poetic call.
Showing in your eyes was all the pain and denial
of a thousand wasted moments you wanted to keep.

***

I wrote my apology on a new slate, and wished
the iridescence of your butterfly wings
would shine again; I hoped I missed
the cut-off point: some things
just hurt too deep and won't slip away.

Degeneration is replaced with exhilaration
is replaced with degredation is replaced with
electrification is replaced with dejection ...

My feet are bleeding and the streams are overflooding,
but I'll keep walking up the hill because I know
you're waiting at the top. Somehow I'll get there
just to lose my footing all over again.

nice I especially like this bit:

Did you hear the cries of the severed ones,
who left a trail of blood when they left the road,
taking the wrong exit and using the wrong gear.

parts i didn't like:

Showing in your eyes was all the pain and denial

--this didn't exactly fit with the lines around it.

Degeneration is replaced with exhilaration
is replaced with degredation is replaced with
electrification is replaced with dejection ...

--i understood the point, but it lacked effect after the second line dragged into the third and it just became annoying.

the iridescence of your butterfly wings
would shine again;

--i usually wouldn't be so harsh, espicially since this part is beautiful, but i feel that it doesn't tie into the poem well. still, don't cut it out - it's far too striking.

the ending was fabulous, the title catchy and the beginning held me under a complete arrest of interest. in fact, the entire idea of bullet holes in capillary walls gives me shivers.

Thanks both.

I'll consider what you pointed out Xan (sorry, I make up random nicknames for people). Yeh I'll probably remove that stanza at a further draft or point in time. It worked in my head and just didn't transfer to paper. I'll find another way of saying what I mean.

I also have to add - that "bullet holes in their capillary walls" line isn't entirely my line, since I ripped it off The Clash from Spanish Bombs - "Bullet holes in the cemetery walls." It was just a play on that.