The Hand

so very small
barely alive
though through the hardships i try to survive
no one there to answer my call
to pick me up the times I fall
I cannot believe
this world I see
where no one cares to answer a plea
I drift around from place to place
never stopping, no I must make haste
but one blessed day, looking above
a hand reached out to give some love
after all the times I've had to shout
someone came to lead me out

I thought that this would be a very depressing poem when I read the first part. When I got to the end, I found that it was kind of sweet. I liked it! Keep writing!

jchoufani wrote:after all the times i've shout
someone came to lead me out

*hugs* It's so sweet it makes you want to go and help somebody. Great poem.

I think the 2nd to last line should be "and all the times I've had to shout". Also the double "so" doesn't work in the first line, and you need to add I to "cannot believe" to keep the rhythm right. And you don't need two commas in the line "never stopping, no, I must make haste". I would break that up into "never stopping/no, I must make haste." Other than that, good job. :thumb:

Hmm..I liked it.Its a error free work.Keep writing and posting it here

this was cute and held meaning, rhythm and rhyme properly. it even conveyed image. i must say, though...

a hand reached out, with not hate, but love
after all the times i've shout

the "with not hate" part makes the first part seem awkward, and all around the second line appears and sounds to be foreced to me.