Please review my book

It is here and if you can write a review of it on this site. You can read a free sample:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0055RYV62

Hello, I'm Em.
My friends call me The Red Pen Nazi because I'm brutally honest with my opinions. Please don't hate me.

Alright, honestly, I didn't read the whole thing because it didn't quite catch my attention the way I wanted it to.

You opened with an intense dream section so you were obviously going for suspense but you were bogged down by all these words you didn't need.
EXAMPLE:
"Something was chasing after her. Because the fog was too thick, she could not see what the thing was."
You could put "Something was chasing her but she couldn't see what through the thick fog" or something to that effect.
Furthermore, the whole opening scene was choppy. You had good info but it didn't flow the way a chase scene does.

When Maria is thinking, I don't think you need quotes, just italics. I'm not one hundred percent sure of this...

Okay, I really like all the thought you've put into your character. You've made her a real person and I appreciate all the realistic thoughts and emotions.
However, (and this is mostly nitpick) I am a huge "SHOW ME; DON'T TELL ME" advocate. As in this:

"I entered the house in a flurry, dropping my backpack on the counter and opening the fridge in one fluid movement. Without even having to look inside, I grabbed a Mountain Dew and popped it open. Plopping down, in my recliner, I flipped the TV onto channel 63 and settled down to newest episode of Badgers and Briefcases, just like I'd been doing every day for the past week."

INSTEAD OF:
"Every day for the past week I'd been watching Badgers and Briefcases and drinking Mountain Dew."

I'm not trying to say this is always better. Sometimes you just can't throw in a Show Me Scene without it being completely and utterly pointless.

Lastly, it wouldn't hurt to read back through your stuff for typos because I caught a few on the first pages.

Overall, I think this has potential. Just be sure not to make it too wordy. Keep up the personality!

~em