Horse Hair

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
Sleek and thin
Like horse hair on a violin
Flowing and drowning in matrimonial bonding
A bickering mess of music makers
Willing girls with savvy smiles
Tracing their way to depression end
A place of marshmallow day lilies
Salty with a sugary delight

Where the oceans conspire and intertwine
And mess for places of the mind
The taste and smell of Italian days
And Spanish nights
The enterprise of love
Found to force and rape the theory
Of relativity

Soft skin on softer hands
That only could lead to the softest souls
I’d rather take chapped lips
Then a broken wasteland
Filled with dehydrated spices
Licking tongues to salvations
Epiphanies for anyone other then
Popes and slaves

Stolen of your final Armageddon
And banished to a island
Where the constant tsunamis flow over
Each other – wave for waves of waves
Don’t lie to the evening tide
Because it controls every morning’s dawn
On your part

Please don’t speak
Through sleek musician’s pianos
With knobby fingers and drumming keys
Callused hands gripped in callused hands
As they work their way to a crescendo
Lost making of hell
Woven, for the horse had died
Twenty years ago
Carpe Diem.




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Points 39955
Reviews 1288
I wish I could be more helpful than this, but this was excellent. I think it kind of went over my head, but a lot of things do. I mean, come on, I'm a frog! *points to avatar*

Yeah...so anyway, I think this is the best yet. Keep it up! :thumb:
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

<YWS><R1>




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Gender Female
Points 13816
Reviews 563
I found this very interesting. A little confusing at times, but good altogether. I only noticed a few small things:

Tracing their way to depression end
A place of marshmallow day lilies
Salty with a sugary delight


I really liked your entire first stanza... very interesting and intriguing. In the 1st line here, I wasn't sure what you meant. Are you saying 'depression's end' or 'depression. End a place' Your last line was very well done, but I didn't like how you alike 'sugary' and 'salty' sounded. I suggest saying 'salted with a sugary delight' or something of that kind. Other than, that this part was beautiful. I liked the marshmallow day lilies

I’d rather take chapped lips
Then a broken wasteland
Filled with dehydrated spices
Licking tongues to salvations
Epiphanies for anyone other then
Popes and slaves


This was very rich and beautiful. In 'chapped lips then a broken wasteland' and 'anyone other then popes and slaves' I believe then should be than because you're making a comparison. Also thought that perhaps you could find a more interesting adjective than 'broken' in 'broken wasteland'. Broken is a good word, but I don't think it really fits wasteland. A wasteland reminds me of desolate, but just think about what other adjectives might fit better there.

Other than that, this poem was very beautiful. You had some great works of imagery to convey your point. Well done. Please keep on writing
~ WD
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"All I know, all I'm saying, is that a story finds a storyteller. Not the other way around." ~Neverwas



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)