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Review my story Opening Idea?

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Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:28 pm
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jojo123 says...



Hi, I have recently spent a lot building the setting of my novel to engage my imagination prior to introducing the main characters. Now I am at tht stage I have been brainstorming a few ideas and none seem to stick for me except this one, I would like you to have at look at it, tell me if it is fairly creative introduction to a story and would you read a novel that began like this, I will take all critique, advice and priase onboard to improve this concept as much as possible and hopefully I can run with it! thanks very much. Also the genre could be considered science fiction or fantasy if that helps in any way and it is fairly as I want to keep certain details to myself

It will open with the main character floating down a river in a paralysed state being with supernatural forces driving him to riverbed, however he is experiencing the pain of drowning but not dieing. He witnesses flames in the distance and smoke twisting in the twilight that ravage his physce. As time passes and the moon rises from the horizon and haunting images dance in the depths of the water coaxing him, he blacks out.

He awakes in a state of shock and confusion the force of gravity pulverising his body as he falls limply from the tips of waterfall. Dazzling lights blind blur his vision and the sound of industrial factories dominate his senses, as his eyes refocus he witness the abyss below him, a black mass of pain and suffering, he falls into the mass and as a smile escapes his mouth. The prologue ends here.

I will the have the character wake at a beach with sorrow, anger and regret that he has allowed himself to continue living while those he loves are dead.

Well that is the opening and I left a lot of mystery, I hope this was a good read and as the book progresses the questions will be answered. Happy reading!




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Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:39 pm
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SubjectBlue says...



I don't see any problem with that aside from the fact it's
A. a bit too jumpy, I mean, he is there- then he is here- then he is trippy- then he is smiling- then he is angry.
B. Some of the descriptions and states he goes through are a bit of a cliché.

but the first one depends solely on how you describe it, and in my opinion clichés become clichés for a reason, they work.
So basically, it's up to you.
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Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:45 pm
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jojo123 says...



Thanks you gave me some things to think about.