Spoiler! :
The moon was on fire again.
It hurt Amy just to look at it. Watch the way it flickered from blood red to crimson to amber and then back again. She wanted to screw her eyes up in frustration and ignore it, but she couldn’t. Ignoring it wasn’t an option.
She’d tried that last week. Hiding under the bed covers with her palms over her eyes, she’d prayed for it to go away. Wished upon every star that was visible for it to pale back to the bright white rock it had been before. Of course that hadn’t worked, and seven days on, the stars had turned on her too. Each one now shone a brilliant orange. They glistened like fairy lights that had been strung up in the sky by some giant. Amy wanted to punish that giant.
She slammed her phone down onto her bedside cabinet and breathed out in frustration. Why hadn’t Judd text her back? Sure, it was one in the morning, but he was her best friend and best friends were supposed to be there for each other.
She collapsed back onto her bed and glared at the poster her dad had tacked above her bed for her last summer. I’d give anything to go back to then, Amy thought. She just couldn’t understand what she had done to deserve this. She sighed and brought her legs up to her chest. Doubt was creeping through her veins but she tried with all her might to shut it out. She didn’t want any of it to be true. It was too much of a terrifying thought.
***
Daybreak couldn’t come soon enough, and with it it brought the sun. How Amy loved the sun. It was warm and comforting and not at all disloyal like the moon was being. It wasn’t changing its colour or its purpose for that matter. It was shining down on her life like it was supposed to, not disrupting her sleep and making her question everything she’d forced herself not to believe.
She’d always been a sceptic; never taking an interest in the stories her mother would tell her about love. But now that the moon was on fire… She shook her head and continued her way down the stairs to the kitchen. Her mother was standing at the head of the table, pouring cereal into bowls and humming softly to a tune Amy didn’t recognise.
“Morning, Sunshine.”
Amy stretched her arms above her head and yawned. “Hey mum.”
Her mother smiled and beckoned her towards the table. Amy complied, padding across the wooden floorboards in her slippers, before sinking into the same hard backed chair that she sat in everyday. Amy liked order and routine which was one of the reasons why the moon’s defiance annoyed her so much.
Why can’t everything just stay the same? she thought as she pulled her bowl towards her. She poured the milk over her cereals with another yawn. Her mum smiled again.
“Sleepless night?”
Amy nodded and strands of her dark hair fell into her eyes. She pushed them back thoughtlessly and sighed. “It happened again.”
Her mother’s eyes brightened and she took the chair opposite her. It was her mother’s persistence and enthusiasm that made Amy question her decision to tell her about the moon in the first place. She almost certainly regretted it now. “I told you it would. Once it starts, there’s no stopping it.”
Amy spooned her breakfast into her mouth and chewed slowly. “I thought you were joking.”
Her mum shook her head gently. “So did Melissa.”
Amy looked up from her spoon at the sound of her older sister’s name. Melissa was just as big a sceptic as Amy was. They’d always laughed at the silly folk stories and wives tales that their mother had told them while they were growing up. Amy reckoned that was where she’d learned to be a non-believer. She’d always admired her older sister’s tenacious attitude; she believed in what she wanted to. Or at least she had.
It had all altered when she’d reached the age that Amy was now. At sixteen years old, Melissa had changed. Amy had thought she’d heard her muttering something about the moon in her bedroom one night. Melissa had been staring up at the nights sky, a wondrous look on her face. Amy wondered if she was finally seeing what Melissa had seen that night. She bit her lip in apprehension and felt her mouthful of cereal slide awkwardly down her throat.
Her mother’s voice brought Amy back to the breakfast table. “Have the stars turned orange yet?”
“Why don’t you tell me?” Amy didn’t mean to sound rude, but the constant thoughts about the moon that were flying round her head, were starting to try her patience. “You can see it too, right?
Her mother shook her head. “My time was long ago. The moon only shows its true purpose, its flames, to those who are ready. When their time had come.”
Amy didn’t like the sound of that. “Oh. So it’s just the plain old moon to you?”
“I catch the odd wave of fire every now and again. But you only get to see it engulfed by flames when the truth needs to be brought to the surface.”
Amy scratched her head. “So it thinks I’m ready for…” She broke off, the word she’d been about to say stuck in her throat, much like her breakfast.
“Yes.” Her mother’s voice was full of pride. “And the next step is the stars.”
Amy nodded tentatively.
“So do they burn orange?”
“What if they do?”
Amy couldn’t ignore the glee that crossed her mother’s face. “Then you’re almost there.”
Amy’s insides knotted and she no longer felt hungry. She pushed at her bowl with a grimace and felt her brow with the back of her hand. Was that a temperature? “What happens next then?” She was trying to conceal what little curiosity she was feeling by peering over at the cereal box while she spoke. Ignorance was bliss.
“One of two things,” her mum replied, watching Amy with an amused expression.
What could she possibly find so funny when her daughter was questioning not only everything she knew, but her sanity too? Thinking the moon was on fire was probably a sign that she was starting to go mental. Amy shivered.
“You’ll either see a shooting star at midnight,” her mum explained. Amy rolled her eyes at the clichéd rumours she’d heard before surrounding shooting stars. “Or you’ll get the most mesmorising burning sensation in your gut, that you won’t be able to think about anything else apart from the feeling that your heart’s on fire.”
Amy had to stop her mouth from falling open. Her pulse was steadily building in velocity and she swore she could feel sweat forming at her hairline, but the sceptical side of her was fighting to be heard. It’s rubbish, she insisted to herself. I’ve just got a fever. I must be coming down with something.
“I got lucky with the shooting star,” her mum continued. “Melissa got the fever like your auntie Hilda. Melissa didn’t have it for days like Hilda though. Poor thing.”
Amy could feel a lump forming in her throat at the prospect of feeling like this for days. Feeling like what? I’m fine. She tried to nonchalantly graze her hand across her cheeks, to prove to herself that the fever was all in her head; she wanted out of all this nonsense. Her heart stammered when her fingers touched hot skin.
“Do you feel anything?”
Amy gazed up at her mum to see her raising her eyebrows meaningfully. “Nope. I’m fine.”
Her mum’s high-pitched laugh made Amy start. “You know I can tell when you’re lying. Your forehead always crinkles.”
Amy cursed her easy to read expressions. “I’m just coming down with a cold. That’s all. None of all this moon fire gibberish.” She pushed back from the table, her palms clammy and her gaze flickering around the kitchen. Her chair screeched against the floor and the sound seemed to echo in her head, making her wince.
“Denial won’t get you anywhere,” her mum said, her voice gentle. “It’s no use pretending it’s not happening.”
Amy puffed out her cheeks and gripped the sides of her chair hard. “I’m not pretending anything. I’ve only got a cold. I’m not in love!” The word ‘love’ tasted funny on Amy’s tongue.
Her mum shook her head. “It’s common knowledge that…”
“It’s common crap, that’s what it is!” Amy jumped up from her chair. “I’m ill, that’s all.”
“Love is an illness.”
“Love is a bunch of chemicals,” Amy insisted. A sense of panic was building inside of her and she screwed up her eyes. “I can’t be in love.” She opened her eyes to see her mum gazing at her, a sympathetic expression on her face.
Amy thought back to the magazine article she’d once read in health class. She hadn’t been one of the gushing girls, fawning over the thought of being in love. She’d been the girl at the back, her head in her hands, terrified of such a huge form of emotion. She wobbled and gripped the chair again. “Love’s a concept people come up with to make themselves happy,” she reasoned.
“Amy,” her mum tried. “Listen to me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Love…”
The panic Amy was feeling suddenly came to a head, erupting into anger. “I have a cold!” Amy exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air. “I’m not in love!”
“The moon doesn’t lie,” her mother explained calmly. “It happens to all of us.”
“Yeah, well not me.”
Amy had had enough. She left the room in a whirlwind of emotions. She was dizzy with thoughts. Her heart was racing, shooting pulses through her veins like an electric current, and she took a deep breath once she was safely in her room. It’s all rubbish, she thought as she grabbed her towel and stormed towards the bathroom. It must be. The moon doesn’t know anything. How absurd for people to even think it does.
***
She ranted to herself as she stomped back into her room. None of it made sense and she was sick of hearing the same stupid explanations. She needed the one person who she knew would side with her.
She typed Judd’s number into her phone in a frenzy. Her skin was prickling with heat, but she passed it off as the hot water from her shower having irritated her skin. The anger was fading now, blinding her with fear again.
“Hello?” Judd’s voice made Amy smile. It was all going to be okay. “Amy?”
She started when she realised she hadn’t answered. “Hey. Are you busy?” She could hear the sound of heavy machinery in the background and she realised he must be helping his dad at the farm; he’d been trying to fix the tractor for months and Amy knew it meant loads to him. Her resolve faltered. “’Cause it’s okay if you are.”
“No.” Judd’s reply was instant. “Did you want to meet up somewhere?”
Amy exhaled a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. “My house?”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can, Amy. Okay?”
“It’s no emergency.” Amy didn’t know if that was the truth or not. She sank onto her bed, her legs shaking. “I just wanna talk.”
“Sure thing, Ames.”
Amy’s insides squeezed at the sound of him using her nickname; it almost felt like a kaleidoscope of butterflies had descended into her stomach. She shook her head hard, water from her hair leaving trails down the skin of her arms. It seemed to soothe the burning sensation she was experiencing. I really do have a fever, she thought.
“Amy?”
She jumped at the sound of Judd’s voice. She’d completely forgotten that he was still on the line. “I’ll see you soon,” she said, trying to sound upbeat when in truth, she’d never been so scared in her life. Why couldn’t she think straight?
She hung up the phone and stared at her reflection in the antique mirror she’d received from her Gran for her sixteenth birthday. A hand flew to her mouth. Her hair was still damp from the shower and the towel was still secured around her thin frame. But it was her face that gave her the jitters. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes looked glossy, almost like she was daydreaming. She pinched her leg but the sharp pain she felt proved that she was awake. She pulled a brush through her hair and tried to focus on the one thing that would get her through this. She may not have been one of the girls who had their whole lives planned out, wedding and kids included, but she knew where she was with Judd.
Something sparked in her brain. The image of a blazing moon flashed in front of her eyes and a sudden heat started working its way through her body. She could be the real Amy around him. The obsessive compulsive, worrying, stubborn girl that she’d always been. Right from the fist day they’d met. Her heart emitted an extra hard thud and her hand flew to her chest at the strange new feeling these thoughts were evoking.
***
“Judd’s here,” her mother called from the bottom of the stairs.
Amy grabbed her coat and excitement bled its way through her body. She cocked an eyebrow at the feeling before passing it off as her not having seen her best friend for a week.
She bolted down the stairs, sparing her mum a quick hug as she passed. Amy felt a hand on her arm.
“All you have to do is believe and it’ll all make sense.” Amy was about to bite back when her mum continued. “Just be honest with yourself.”
Amy frowned momentarily but the look on her mum’s face made her attempt to hide her annoyance.
She slammed the front door in an attempt to release some of the mingled frustration and uncertainty that was building in her gut, but the moment she set eyes on Judd, all of her negative feelings seemed to disperse. Instead, she felt relief. Judd will know what to say, she thought, her mind skimming through the achieves of her memory, landing on the one that backed up her reasoning.
He’d been the one who had comforted her when her dad had been ill; no-one else had made her see even an ounce of optimism, but he had. The warm feeling in her gut shot to her heart and she winced.
“Are you alright, Amy?”
Judd’s voice soothed the sudden pain, dulling it to a small ache. “Yeah, I just think I’m coming down with something.”
Judd nodded. “It’s flu season.”
Amy laughed. Judd always had an answer for everything. “Sure.”
Amy started off towards the garden gate but stopped when she reached the pavement. “Where are we heading?”
“We could always walk and see where our legs take us.”
Amy smiled. “Sure.”
She waited for Judd to meet her on the path and then they set off in silence. Amy could feel the pain in her chest subsiding and she was glad that spending time with Judd was taking her mind off of the whole moon thing.
“So what’s up?”
Amy shrugged. “It’s hard to explain.” She didn’t want to come right out with the entire moon being on fire story for fear of sounding mad. “I guess the whole growing up deal has suddenly got to me.”
Judd smiled gently. “I know what you mean. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being ten again.”
“I was thinking five,” Amy admitted.
They stopped to cross the road, smiling at a mother trying to control her two energetic children, before they set off again towards the fields. They’d spent hours playing in the stream that ran through it, one summer.
“I miss the days when the hardest decision to make was whether to use felt tips or crayons. Whether to play cops and robbers or hide and seek.” She could hear the hint of a smile in her voice. “You know?”
Judd nodded, watching her as she hopped over the gate that led to the fields. Amy’s heart hammered when she felt his eyes on her and she bent down to re-tie her shoe, trying to calm the frenzy her heart was in.
Amy stood back up and was relieved to see Judd looking off towards the trees at the far end of the field.
“Where would you go if you wanted to feel young again?” he asked.
Amy followed his gaze and beamed. “The clubhouse!”
Judd turned to face her and this time Amy didn’t duck out of his gaze. Her eyes found his for a brief moment and Amy felt her pulse rocket again. What’s happening to me?
“Fancy a race?”
Judd’s voice snapped her thoughts back to the field. She felt her beam widening. “But you always…” She didn’t finish her sentence. Instead, she shot past Judd, laughing and sticking her tongue out.
She could hear his shouts of annoyance. “Oi!” He laughed. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Oh well!” she called over her shoulder. Her feet pounded the grass and mud hard as she raced towards the trees. The clubhouse was only just behind them, obscured from view by the large branches and thick trunks. That’s why they’d chosen that spot. They could pretend to be in a world of their own. Just the two of them.
Amy felt her heart burn and she stumbled for a second, but she caught herself, the sounds of Judd running behind her spurring her on.
“I’m going to win!” he yelled. He was so close Amy could hear his heavy breaths mingling with her own and with one last push, she tried her best to reach the trees. Judd passed her at the last second. She rolled her eyes at the sound of him whooping and clapping at his own victory.
“I knew I’d beat you,” he said, leaning against a tree to catch his breath. His breathing was still laboured and she could see his chest rising and falling rapidly underneath his jumper. Her heart gave a lurch and Amy doubled over, screwing her eyes up. “You are so unfit,” he teased.
She opened her eyes and gingerly straightened up, glad that he’d taken it upon himself to come up with the reason why she was finding it hard to breath. She wasn’t sure he was right though.
“I’ll be fine in a minute,” she assured him. She rubbed her side, feeling a stitch start to form, but it didn’t ache as much as her chest. Am I having a heart attack? Panic followed her thought and she found herself doubled over again. This time she heard footsteps approaching her.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Judd sounded worried.
Amy nodded, her eyes on his shoes. They were the pair she’d picked out for him when they’d gone into town a couple of months ago; he was always asking her for fashion advice and Amy reckoned he’d end up wearing clothes like her dad if she didn’t help him. Her insides felt like they were ablaze now too and Amy suddenly felt dizzy. Her vision blurred and she felt herself waver on the spot.
“Ames?” Her body jolted at the feel of his hands either side of her waist. “Hang on. The clubhouse is only there. We can sit down, okay?”
Amy replied with a small nod. Her forehead felt like it was on fire; she could feel sweat beading along her hairline and she reached up with shaking fingers to wipe it away.
“Can you stand up properly?”
Amy tried. Her insides squeezed at the effort, but she managed to stand up straight enough that she could see Judd’s face. The pain dulled when she saw the anguish on his face. Her was frowning and his eyes were staring right at her.
She felt her face flush.
“Lean into me,” Judd instructed, pulling Amy towards him until she was pressed right up against him. She prayed that he wouldn’t be able to feel her heart pounding at the contact. “Ready?”
She stumbled slightly as they started towards the clubhouse but the more steps they took, the more strength she could feel coming back into her legs.
They reached the clubhouse in minutes and fell onto the planks of wood they’d used as a bench. Amy’s vision was back to normal now and she no longer felt dizzy. Her gaze flickered over the makeshift clubhouse they’d built together as kids. The planks of wood was rotting now, coming away from the nails they’d hammered into the trees at odd angles. She felt herself smile slightly at the site where they used to sit and talk and make mud pies and pretend to be in a whole other world to the bullies and parents.
“Okay?” Judd asked. He was still watching her, concern in his eyes.
Amy nodded. “I think so.” Her body ached a touch when Judd removed his hands from her waist but when he held a hand to her back instead, the ache vanished. “I really must be coming down with something.”
“I’ll say,” Judd replied. “You scared me when you went all weird back there.” He was smiling now and Amy was glad of it. His smile seemed to make things better. It was like the sun coming out after a storm. Or ice cream on a hot day. Hang on, she thought. Did I just think that?
“It scared me too,” Amy admitted, though it wasn’t the burning that had scared her, but the reason for the feeling that her insides were on fire. Was her mum actually right? Did she have a fever because the moon was on fire? She bit her lip. But then that means I’m in… love? With…
“Earth to Amy?” Judd laughed and she felt him patting her back gently. “Don’t go all funny on me again.”
Amy shook her head but she couldn’t be sure. Too many thoughts were trying to be heard and she suddenly found herself crippled by the feeling that her heart was engulfed in flames again. It was beating hard against her ribs with such enthusiasm that she could hear the blood rushing in her ears. Every part of her suddenly ached much worse than before and she felt herself grimace.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Amy? You’re looking at me strangely.” Judd sounded worried and Amy rushed to reassure him. Or she would have done if he hadn’t looked her straight in the eyes.
For a moment Amy forgot how to breathe. “Uh, yeah,” she stammered. “It’s just.” She failed to complete her sentence. Images and thoughts were rushing through her head and they took all of her attention away from speech. The moon. The moon on fire. The stars glowing orange. The stories she’d been told as a child. The pain in her chest. How it was a good pain. How she liked the fact that it made her feel almost… alive? The way Judd was smiling at her like he knew all of her secrets and he wouldn’t dare share them with anyone. How she trusted him completely.
Like the time she’d spilt ink on the carpet and he’d said it had been him. The time she’d forgotten to bring any lunch to school and he’d shared his with her. When he’d picked hanging out with her over his guy friends, even though they called him a names for doing it.
The feeling in her chest intensified, the flames licking at her heart, and she had the overwhelming desire that she needed to tell Judd everything. About the fight with her mum and the moon and the stars and the fact that she thought she might actually be in love.
That last thought scared her so much that she snapped out of the daze she’d slipped into. Judd was watching her closely and she fought to keep from blushing.
“What?” she asked, voice shaking, as she leaned forwards to punch him in the arm playfully like always. Her skin burned at the contact and she had to catch herself from falling. She felt suddenly weak as she finally allowed herself to open up to the possibility that her mum was right. Vulnerability was something she detested but for once in her life, she welcomed it. She took a deep breath.
“What would you do if you suddenly realised that something you thought was nonsense, turned out to be the whole hearted truth?” Amy could hear the panic in her voice and it matched the wavering in her chest. Her heart boomed and she was surprised that Judd couldn’t hear it too.
Judd turned to her, a strange expression on his face. Amy couldn’t decide whether he looked confused or relieved. “I’d say that you saw the moon catch fire and now you’re wondering what you’re supposed to do about it.”
Amy nodded dumbly, too shocked that Judd had read her mind to answer with words. Hearing someone else say it out loud was comforting. It made her feel as though she wasn’t alone in all of this confusion. She gazed up at him and his familiar features settled her slightly; the scar above his eyebrow from where he’d fallen out of the clubhouse once. The way his lips pursed when he was thinking and the tips of his ears tinged pink when he was embarrassed.
“So that’s what this is about? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Amy shrugged and looked away, her face hot. “I was embarrassed.” She felt his hand rub her back and her skin tingled in delight.
“You needn’t be. It happens to everyone.”
Amy shook her head and forced herself to face Judd again. He was smiling reassuringly at her and it made what Amy wanted to say, harder to speak out loud. “But I’m not like everyone. I.” She paused. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
Judd’s smile was so warm that it melted away Amy’s fear. “I didn’t think I was ready either.”
Amy’s heart jumped. “You’ve already seen it?” She frowned. “When?”
“A couple of weeks ago,” he replied.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Amy felt a little hurt, especially as he’d asked her why she’d kept it from him. “I thought we could tell each other anything?”
Judd nodded enthusiastically. “We can. It’s just, I know how you feel about love and stuff. I didn’t want you to start panicking when I told you that I saw the moon catch fire, especially as I know you think it‘s a load of rubbish.”
Amy smiled shyly. “Oh.”
“You don’t need to be afraid or confused though,” Judd said, his eyes imploring Amy to believe him. “You should feel elated. On top of the world.”
“But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it.” She glanced at Judd bashfully. If he knew about her feelings towards love, then what’s to say that he already knew about her new found feelings for him. Because that’s what I’m feeling right? Love. For, Judd. Her heart beat hard and she knew it was confirming her thoughts. A ripple of anticipation shot through her.
“That’s okay,“ Judd said. “I know what to do about it.” The confidence in his voice felt like a hug to Amy and, as he shuffled towards her, she realised more than ever that she’d been wrong to question her mother’s stories.
She took his outstretched hand in hers and revelled in the warmth that spread through her body at his touch. The fire burned inside her but it felt like a tempered glow now. It felt like it belonged and Amy couldn’t understand how she’d gotten along without it before. It felt right.
The moon was on fire again that night. It burned brighter than ever but Amy was too entranced by love to notice.
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