z

Young Writers Society


12+

Lover boy

by yourlocalsatanist


I'm a boy who wants love,

who craves affection

who craves touch. 

I want a love, 

that will give me 

what I want.

physical touch

my favorite way 

to show affection 

even just hugs.

I'm a lover boy 

I crave a relationship,

I crave someone 

to show me the love 

that i need right now 

-max 

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Points: 49
Reviews: 1

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 6:18 pm
yafikwrites says...



Simple yet conveys the central theme well.
I'd suggest using more expressive descriptions.
How are you a lover boy?
Is there something specific that you'd like to do for a potential lover that shows this?
Explore those questions by wording scenarios of your choosing vividly.




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Points: 49
Reviews: 1

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 6:15 pm
yafikwrites says...



Nice poem




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229 Reviews

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 8:58 am
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hello, I am AkuRashomon. I am here to give you a comment or a review. The title reminded me of a song I keep hearing on social media so I clicked on it.

I'm a boy who wants love,

who craves affection

who craves touch.

I want a love,

that will give me

what I want.


This is a nice opening. You get straight to the thing you are trying to point out and prove. I also like the fact that it is narrative. It gives an explanation of what you define as: a boy who wants to be loved. That first line is eye-catching that is because the words love and boy are in your title. Good choice with the title, by the way.

physical touch

my favorite way

to show affection

even just hugs.

I'm a lover boy


This part of your poem is like listing down things that you or the narrator wants. It should have more commas and periods. Like what @EllieMae has said too. The line "I'm a lover boy" needs a period too.

I crave a relationship,

I crave someone

to show me the love

that i need right now

-max


The name at the end is just perfect. It is like a letter or a note given to someone. Even like a dialogue of a coming of age film. It is beautiful, wholesome and sweet. Keep it up! I love it, just tweak a little and it'll be better.

- AkuRashomon




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210 Reviews

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Tue Apr 16, 2024 9:31 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

Max, this was a very sweet and honest poem. I love how open you were and I can tell that this is something straight from your heart. This is a poem that is relatable to a lot of people, so thanks for writing this!

I'm a boy who wants love,

who craves affection

who craves touch.


I love how you open this. It is so bold and so strong. You make simple, relatable statements which caught my attention pretty fast.

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

I think that this section could use some reformatting, to help it align with the structure of the rest of the poem:

physical touch

my favorite way

to show affection

even just hugs.


Perhaps adding some more commas or periods to this section to help us separate each thought. For example:

Physical touch,
(even just hugs)
my favorite way
to show affection.

I would love to see (in future poems, which i am so excited to read!) more details, for example, what emotions do you feel deeper than this desire? what does the isolation or loneliness physically feel like in your body? do you remember a time when you didn't feel like this? what are those memories like and who was involved?

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I would have to say, my favourite part of your poem is how straightforward it is. It isn't filled with metaphors and symbolism, rather it is very narrative of your thoughts.

I crave someone

to show me the love

that i need right now


I love that "i need" statement. The love and affection is not just a want, but it is something we all need and desire.

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Thanks for sharing this lovely poem, Max! I am looking forward to reading more of your work soon!

Your friend,
Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




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Tue Apr 16, 2024 2:38 pm
Tade says...



Nice progression, I like the flow of this piece





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