Hey there! Tigress here and ready to reveiw. 
First, you had a hard time making the poem flow. I couldn't read it through without stopping at every other line because something sounded...off. I suggest that you read through this aloud (yes, it really does help!) and I'm sure you'll catch the words that don't belong. In fact, you can even do it without changing some of your sentences. For example:
Your perfect smilethatbrightsupmy day,
It makes me happy all the way.
Your eyes, beautiful as they are,
I want to lookstraight at#FF0000 ">in themeach andevery hour.
See how this flows better, just by taking out a few unnessecary words and adding one or two words that just fit in better.
Second, there is little to no imagery. And for poetry, imagery is a must.
Again, I'll use your first few lines as an example:Your perfect smile that brights up my day,
#FF0000 ">A smile of moonlight, it brightens my day,
It makes me happy all the way.
Your eyes, beautiful as they are,
#FF0000 ">Your eyes, creamy brown as they are
I want to look straight at them each and every hour
In this, all I see is overused, cliche adjectives. The #FF0000 ">red words are some choices that should help a little more. Now, those still aren't as good as I know you can make them, but it's just a few examples to give you an idea. (;
Last, I noticed that sometimes you'd make your words ryhme and either the rhyme sounded forced or it just didn't fit right. I suggest you take out the rhyme completely. There, that I could tell, wasn't a set rhyme scheme and I don't think you need one here either.
Well, I hope that I helped and please continue on with this!
~Tigress!
Keep writing!!!!
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Reviews: 54
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