Young Writers Society

Hey! This poem has potential. There are a few niggly little things, though - in the fourth line you say "I am scared," and this is very blunt. I think you could let the reader know that you are scared by giving some description, rather than saying it outright. For example hands shaking, sweating, wide eyes, etc, would all let the reader know the person is scared, and would be a more interesting way of saying it. The last line also looks unfinished, partly because it ends with a comma and not a full stop, and partly because I thought you could elaborate on that thought a little more. I think it's good that you wrote it in present tense because it makes it sound more urgent and exciting. A few tweaks could make it even better.

The last two lines don't sound right, it's just the word "normal" I think before"men" it should be something like, "This is not 'just' men killing one another," or a different word can be used. You can try it.
I think this is great how it has to do with war and how you share your emotions deeply about people in fear...not that it's great that you talk about fear of death...errr The poem was overall excellent. This was good, Keep writing Wiggy!
~Sky