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Young Writers Society



Those Final Days (part 2)

by whatevr


I wake up. Only two days 'till I get put down. Whatever that means... On my right my sister is fast asleep. In the large kennel a man in an olive suit is checking the dogs. I sit down quickly. He reminds me of the man that hit me with a baton. His footsteps are quiet; I close my eyes as he turns to us. I feel sick. The craving to bite something is making me shake. I put my leg in my mouth and set my jaw. The taste of blood is unsatisfactory. I want human blood. I open my eyes. The man is just above me. I jump up. "Hey hey, whoa. Easy there boy," he warns. I just walk past him. He seems astounded. "Heather! Come check this out!" he yells making me jump. A female in the same olive suit comes to the massive kennel. I snap from careful to deadly. I find myself at her feet tearing into her leg. She screeches out in pain. I just bite harder. The man is astonished. After I behaved he called the woman in. I don't get any of this. Oh well. My jaws fall limp as the man punches my head. I stop immediately. I back away, afraid of him. My sister, now alert and awake, runs to me and barks loudly. I don't think I have made a great start for the first morning in the pound... I stare into the Male's eyes. He sends out a smell of unsureness. I put an apology into my eyes, but he doesn't notice it. I run to another corner where the small dogs whimper.

I am outside; the man in the olive suit opened the gate in the kennel and let us play. The grass feels amazing under my paws. The sun gleams on my coat. The people at this pound believe music wil calm us down. Some dogs are still fighting. It works on me... A female worker is in here, and I haven't bitten her yet. I sit with a German Shepard. The woman is playing fetch with my sister. I don't like sitting still. But I think I might bite her. So I stay all on my lonesome. The words put down run through my mind. I can't remove them. I stand up and join in on the game trying to forget them. The woman suddenly falls still. I feel ashamed. I never meant to hurt the other one. It... It's complicated. She has a fear in her eyes. She washes it with a sort of authority. I back away and she smiles. "Now you can play, Yuri," she knows my name. The name I left at in the streets. Icy memories, I don't want, seep into my mind. I try to push them away, leave them behind but they come anyway.

Yuri walked along with his master. He was with a woman and she didn't like Yuri very much. The dog walked up to her. The woman scowled. The scene changed. Yuri was in a room with his masters lady friend. She didn't look happy. "You fucking mutt!" she screamed. There was no reason for what she did next. She stood up and kicked Yuri square in the face. Yuri was only young then and he couldn't defend himself. She kept kicking and started to punch. Yuri tried to bite back, but the lady was too strong and fast. Yuri's owner walked in. His mask of calmness washed away into a furious glare. He yanked Yuri away, the woman astonished. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" he shouted. She looked at him apologetically. A little too late. He stalked out of the room with Yuri in his arms.

I flood back into reality, the woman in the olive suit right in front of me. She waves her hand in front of my eyes. I snarl and let off a massive bark. She jumps. I feel the urge to snap my jaws around her hand. Resistance is hard but I try my best. I back away. I pour apologies into my eyes. I never mean to do these things. Even if it's just a snarl or bark. I slump down in the corner.


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176 Reviews


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Reviews: 176

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Sat Feb 27, 2010 4:43 am
Lena.Wooldridge wrote a review...



Once again, this is very "I did this, I did that." That part of it needs some work. The story is good, though. You do an excellent job of portraying a story through a dog.

You need help dividing up your sentences, though.

I wake up. Only two days 'till I get put down. Whatever that means... On my right my sister is fast asleep. NEW PARAGRAPH In the large kennel a man in an olive suit is checking the dogs. I sit down quickly. He reminds me of the man that hit me with a baton. His footsteps are quiet; I close my eyes as he turns to us. NEW PARAGRAPH I feel sick. The craving to bite something is making me shake. I put my leg in my mouth and set my jaw. The taste of blood is unsatisfactory. I want human blood. NEW PARAGRAPH I open my eyes. The man is just above me. I jump up. NEW PARAGRAPH "Hey hey, whoa. Easy there boy," he warns. I just walk past him. He seems astounded. "Heather! Come check this out!" he yells making me jump. NEW PARAGRAPH A female in the same olive suit comes to the massive kennel. I snap from careful to deadly. I find myself at her feet tearing into her leg. She screeches out in pain. I just bite harder. The man is astonished. After I behaved he called the woman in. I don't get any of this. Oh well. NEW PARAGRAPH My jaws fall limp as the man punches my head. I stop immediately. I back away, afraid of him. My sister, now alert and awake, runs to me and barks loudly. I don't think I have made a great start for the first morning in the pound... I stare into the Male's eyes. He sends out a smell of unsureness. I put an apology into my eyes, but he doesn't notice it. I run to another corner where the small dogs whimper.



Just proofread all of your stuff and try to divide up your paragraphs better!




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47 Reviews


Points: 3597
Reviews: 47

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Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:31 pm
tRiCk wrote a review...



Oh, I see why the dog seems so vicious. Thanks for continuing the story. When I read the story's beginning I was curious and had questions but now you've answered a lot of them.
A couple things you missed: "what ever" and "my self" should each be one word.
And in this sentence: "... the words put down run through my mind... " use quotations like this-

The words "put down" run through my head.


Keep up the good work.

Trick





Journeys end in lovers' meeting.
— William Shakespeare