Young Writers Society

Hello there, Freak.
Cool concept. A pilgrimage to find love, eh? Very original and new. I have a read on this same thing. It was written by Paulo Coelho. It was more or less similar. You described the sights and the journey pretty well but it the lines were a tiny bit too long. XD Why not make those huge long lines into smaller but multiple lines? Could be better. Play with it. Try experimenting and if it does not look/sound better ten change it back to the original thing.
Now for some nitpicks.

They told me from the dawn of time that I could have forever,
teaching me the ways of Earth, they wished me luck in my endeavor.

I set out to this planet, to find the love you had disguised,
I searched and searched and never stopped, as you had advised.

You promised it would be there, right before my very eyes,
I shook my head and laughed, I could forgive your lies. #4000FF ">I could never forget your lies. Why not keep it like this and make the emotion of the narrator a bit desperate and angry.

Even to this day I haven't given up my quest,
I have to find you, prove my love, and show that I am blessed.

Some days I desperatly, ask for a clue, #4000FF ">Some days I desperately, ask for a clue,
but all I hear is your laugh, and a voice filled with rue;

"it's in your very core..." #4000FF ">"It’s in your very core..."

I still don't understand,
does it mean something in another land? #4000FF ">another land? What do you mean by that? Outer space? O_o
I shall never know unless I carry on'
if I wait any longer it may just be gone.

I've asked the Africans,
I've asked the Indians,
I've asked the boy that cannot speak.

I've asked the English,
I've asked the Spannish,
I've asked the dying woman, liying in the street.

I think I may have asked, just about everyone,
and still I have no answer, what could it be? I ask anyone. #4000FF ">It should be "I ask everyone." Shouldn't it?

And as I sit here on the edge of existence,
with thoughts roaming the skies,
and eyes searching the prize, #4000FF ">and eyes searching for the prize,
I think to myself, do I have enough persistence?

I hear a faint chuckle;

"everyone had the answer." #4000FF ">"Everyone had the answer."

It hits me as I realise,
his clues were no lies, #4000FF ">There should be a period over here.
loves cunning disguise,

was life.

I had spent infinite days seeking something I had from the beginning,
but that didn't matter, because as I pulled him into an embrace, I was grinning.

I liked it a lot, I like the rhyming that seemed (almost) perfect, and I liked the theme. It really made you think and wonder about what was really going on behind everything that was directly stated. My only problem with reading it was that the rhythm was off a bit here and there and threw me off. I tend to read things out loud the first time through, but I found myself stuttering a bit because the rhythm threw me off. Great start, just try and tidy the rhythm up a bit and you'll be golden . Goodluck.

Wow.
I loved this poem.
It's a very powerful poem. I liked how you've put rhyme in it whilst making it flow perfectly. So, well done for that The tale behind the poem is also a very profound and deep one. I also liked the ending. And I can't find anything bad to critique on. Except for:

One tiny, tiny spelling mistake

tinkembell wrote:Some days I desperat#FF0000 ">ely, ask for a clue,

great poem. Very effective

Wow this really touched me. I really liked this poem. I like the way the realisation of the narrator is described at the end. Keep it up.