Young Writers Society

Spoiler! :

This is just something I wrote for creative writing. I had fun writing it, and my friends thought it was funny so I figured I'd post it. I hope you like it!

Once upon a time, there was a frog. Now this was a gross frog (here, some may argue that all frogs are gross, but this frog was particularly gross), covered almost completely in bumps and warts, so much so that he was more wart than frog-skin. What’s more, pus oozed from exactly half of these warts, and left a trail wherever he hopped (or, rather, tried to hop; because of the weight of the bumps and the warts and the pus the highest this frog could hop was all of two centimeters). This frog – you know what? This frog needs a name. Let’s call him Polly Uggers Sheldon, PUS for short. Anyway, PUS had these large, bulgy eyes, very nearly completely crusted over with who-knows-what.

There was this child that lived near PUS’s swamp. This child, let’s call her Ursula Gabby Lillian Yvonne, or UGLY for short, was also gross, but in a completely different way. UGLY, as her initials suggest, was particularly ugly. Her eyes were too small (yet somehow bulgy), her mouth too wide, her nose too squashed to ever look nice on a face. What’s more, her complexion was blotchy, her neck practically non-existent, her limbs ridiculously short, and her torso ludicrously round and fat. Some said she looked like a frog (and whether she looked like this is debatable, but without a doubt she sounded like a frog her voice was so croaky), even calling her Froggy Ursula Gabby Lillian Yvonne, or FUGLY. FUGLY, however, had grown up with parents equally as ugly as her and so had a perverse sense of beauty; she thought all things gross were beautiful.

And so it goes that one day FUGLY was playing out in the swamp, looking into the murky water and chanting, “Water, water, in the lake / My thirst for ugly you can slake / Who’s the grossest person you can make / And it better not be fake.” Holding her breath in anticipation, she waited as the mud and algae floating in the swamp water swirled around to form the love of her life, the rotten apple of her eye.

The vision created in the water was so life-like, that it couldn’t even be considered a mere picture. Mostly, it couldn’t be considered a picture because the murky lake didn’t have any magical powers to speak of. The algae and the mud were swirling because something was emerging from below the surface.

FUGLY’s heart pounded. She hadn’t expected anything to happen. She thought it was all make-believe. She watched as something finally poked out through the slime, and screamed when she saw a pair of crusty eyes. She started to scramble to her feet as the rest of the creature emerged for she thought it to be some terrible monster. But then PUS climbed out onto the bank and FUGLY screeched in delight. The frog before her was so wonderfully disgusting. She kneeled before PUS (though the frog was unaware of her movements because his eyes were now completely crusted over and he couldn’t see a blasted thing) and picked him up in her hands. She pressed her cheek to his, reveling in the feel of the pus against her skin. Lovingly, she pressed her lips to the top of his head. She had read a story as a child about a girl who had kissed a frog, and it had transformed into her true love. And so she laughed delightedly when the frog began to grow. She set him gently on the ground and cried for delight his shape became more and more humanoid (and as she did so her face became even blotchier and snot covered her face; this was what some liked to call FUGLY 2.0).

But her tears of joy turned to heart wrenching sobs when she saw that PUS had become the most beautiful boy she had ever seen. His complexion was flawless, with smooth skin tanned to perfection. His teeth were straight and so white they almost glowed. His hair was golden and shiny, and when he opened his eyes, they were the biggest, bluest things she had ever seen in her life. He sat up slowly, marveling at his new hands and arms and legs and everything else human about him. When he caught sight of FUGLY, he fought to keep a grimace off his face and introduced himself. “Hello, I’m Blaine Edward Allan Uptain” (or BEAU for short). At this, FUGLY screamed some profanity at him she was so disappointed and ran for home as fast as her little chubby legs would carry her. For this, BEAU was glad for his eyes had stopped burning in outrage at her disgusting appearance, and so he sauntered vaguely away from the swamp until he reached a town. In this town, the people considered him so beautiful that he was worshipped as a god and lived happily ever after.