z

Young Writers Society



Messed. Up.

by teenweirdo


It comes from all around me,
Swirling above my head.
How do I want to feel?
Which way should I turn?

There, is that a ray of light...
Or just a mirage in the shadows?

Everything is stirred together,
Making me spin dizzily.
The storm rages and hisses,
Yet the sun is still shining upon it.

Vague images form in my mind...
Do I know anything for certain?

Angry wind pushes me away,
But it won't die down.
Emotions I want to understand,
They're just slipping further away.

Somehow, I walk into peace...
But why are my feelings the same?

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Points: 1456
Reviews: 126

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Sun May 29, 2011 11:59 pm
Ignatius5453 says...



Absolutely, positively, amazing.

Somehow, I walk into peace...
But why are my feelings the same?

I felt these two lines, they dont make sense, yet they make so much sense. Great job, Keep Writing!




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52 Reviews

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Reviews: 52

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Sun May 29, 2011 11:57 pm
halogirl4197 wrote a review...



I thought it was pretty good but is there a certain thing it's talking about? At first I thought it was love but now I don't think so. Overall, it was great! :D




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51 Reviews

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Reviews: 51

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Mon May 02, 2011 11:36 pm
Fortissimo wrote a review...



Hey Teen, I'm Forti. Weird that you describe yourself as a teen weirdo, because it just so happens that I describe myself the same way! Anyways, loved this!

A few errors, never fear, no one is perfect!

teenweirdo said:
How do I want to feel?
Which way should I turn?


I feel like these two questions are saying the same thing. (Maybe that was the point?!) I understand that the person is unsure and confused, but these two open-ended questions left a little too much room for the reader to "create what will happen next." I think it would be better if you allowed the reader to color in pre-drawn lines, instead of painting their own picture. Do you get what I'm saying? This is Lyrical Poetry, so you need to really show your feelings(:

teen weirdo said:
Somehow, I walk into peace...But why are my feelings the same?


Again, opened ended. I want you to shove your feelings and lyrics in my face!

Overall, very nice. If you need anything else reviewed, don't be afraid to ask!




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109 Reviews

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Mon May 02, 2011 9:06 pm
AdoxagraphyAngelus wrote a review...



Swirling above my head.
How do I want to feel?
Which way should I turn? #FF0000 ">As the first stanza, nothing really popped out to me to continue reading. It didn't really have a hook, all it had was a, "Someone's confused and yeah."

There, is that a ray of light...
Or just a mirage in the shadows?

Everything is stirred together,
Making me spin dizzily. #FF0000 ">I don't believe dizzily is a proper word. Correct me If I'm wrong.
The storm rages and hisses,
Yet the sun is still shining upon it.

Vague images form in my mind...
Do I know anything for certain?

Angry wind pushes me away,
But it won't die down.
Emotions I want to understand,
They're just slipping further away. #FF0000 ">I adore this stanza.

Somehow, I walk into peace...
But why are my feelings the same?


This was thought provoking, but it could use some polishing up. I enjoyed reading it, though. :)





Attention is the beginning of devotion.
— Mary Oliver, Upstream