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Young Writers Society



One Year Social Experiment of a Teenager Chapt. 4

by smashles


“I have something important to tell you guys!” Dennis said excitedly as he plopped himself down across the table that Jamie and I were seated at. He grinned mysteriously at us, trying to make it suspenseful. We gave him a look to tell him to get on with it.

“Okay, so I was in maths this morning when one of the ladies from the office came in.”

“Now Dennis, no one cares that you got sent to the principals office again because you were caught drawing on a table in art,” I said.

“No, no listen! That wasn’t why she came in. She came in…” he paused for dramatic effect. “With a new girl.” He grinned and folded his arms in accomplishment.

Jamie and I suddenly became enthusiastic. Every time a new person came to our school we always tried to make friends with them. Of course, this hadn’t worked out so well in the past, but we continued to try.

“What’s her name?” Jamie asked. Dennis grinned; glad he’d caught our attention.

“Penny Pocket,” he replied. Jamie and I burst out laughing.

“That can’t be her real name!” I said, struggling to contain my laughter.

“What’s wrong with it? Is alliteration funny to you?” I took a few deep breaths to calm down before I spoke.

“Honey, are you familiar with the toy ‘Polly Pocket’?” I asked him.

“Don’t call him honey!” Jamie snapped.

“I don’t mind,” Dennis smirked. “And yeah, I’ve heard of it.”

“Then you understand why we’re laughing.”

“I guess, but it isn’t funny.”

“Not when you don’t get it to start with!” I sighed and shook my head in annoyance.

“Anyway, what’s she like?” Jamie asked him.

“Well, I didn’t really talk to her,” he admitted. Jamie and I crossed our arms and glared at him. “I wanted to talk to you guys about it first!” he said defensively.

“You should know by now that we always want to invite a new person to join us,” Jamie said.

“Well anyway, she’s British,” Dennis said. This only encouraged us more.

“British!” Jamie and I exclaimed. We’ve been best friends for seven years, and have both always wanted a friend that was British.

“Dennis, how well do you actually know us?” I said as I shook my head in disappointment.

“I’m sorry that I don’t get told these things because you girls are always chatting about things behind my back," he said. "Do you know how much I’ve missed out on because of that?” He picked up his lunch and left.

“Touchy,” I said. “Gosh he annoys me sometimes! One minute you’re having a perfectly good conversation and the next he gets angry and storms off!”

“Now Ellie, I think perhaps we should listen to him sometimes. He does have a point, you know. We do leave him out a lot.” I glared at her. She annoyed me sometimes too. Just because she was totally in love with Dennis didn’t mean that she always had to take his side.

“Well excuse me,” I said sarcastically.

“I think we should go and meet this girl,” Jamie said after a moment of silence. I nodded my head in agreement and we went off to find Penny Pocket.

It didn’t take long to find her. She was strolling around the yard by herself, eating a pear. Her blonde hair was much like mine and it hung nicely around her shoulders. She was tall and skinny and had a brilliant walk, almost like a model. We walked up to her slowly, not wanting to seem eager.

“Hello,” I said as Jamie and I started walking either side of her.

“Hullo there!” she replied in her British accent. I almost screamed with excitement.

“Are you new here? I haven’t seen you around,” Jamie asked casually.

“Yes. I moved here from Britain last month and mum finally got around to enrolling me in school.”

“That’s interesting. And what might your name be?” I asked, trying to remain calm and seem as though I knew nothing about her.

“Penny. Penny Pocket.” I had gotten over the hilarity of her name when she had started talking. She was totally awesome!

“Well, Penny, my name’s Ellie and this is my best friend Jamie and we would like to help you fit in here by inviting you to join our group.”

“That sounds lovely! Thank you,” she said, smiling.

“No worries!” I smiled back. “So what classes have you had so far?”

“Well so far I’ve only had Biology and Maths,” she replied.

“And what do you think of them?” Jamie asked politely, but I knew what she was doing. Whatever she liked, we liked.

“I’ve never really been a fan of Maths…”

“Me either!” I said.

“Such a drag!” Jamie added.

“But Biology is fun!” she finished.

“Totally fun!” Jamie exclaimed happily. Biology was one of her favourite subjects.

“I haven’t actually tried it,” I said. It was the truth, but the reason I hadn't tried it was because I was scared of blood. It was a neutral answer.

“It’s a great subject, and the teacher is really good, not to mention the class is really nice to me,” she said. The conversation went on for a while, mostly us asking questions and her responding. She was quite an interesting person, being born in Australia but moving over to Britain when she was two. Jamie and I were listening to her intently; it was quite scary how interested we were.

The bell rang, interrupting our conversation. Jamie and I were shattered.

“What class do you have now?” I asked, hoping it was the same as me.

“Drama,” she replied.

“Me too!” I exclaimed, a little too excitedly.

“Great, well could you show me where it is? I’ve been having a bit of trouble finding where I’m meant to be.”

“Sure!” I was practically skipping with excitement. She was doing drama, which meant she had to like it, right? And if she doesn’t like it then we just can’t be friends. Drama is my passion! And I’m not going to change that for some new British student. Am I?


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135 Reviews


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Reviews: 135

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Sun May 01, 2011 8:13 pm
stargazer9927 wrote a review...



Might I just say I love your writing. You have that good writing that I actually want to read and doesn't bore me to death.

I only found a few nitpicks with your writing:

“Okay, so I was in #FF0000 ">Maths this morning when one of the ladies from the office came in.”

At first I thought Maths was just a typo and you meant math but then as I read through the rest of the story I saw that you had it in the rest of it too. Now I'm not sure if that's just what you call it or if that's a completely different class but I've never heard it said as maths before.
“Gosh he annoys me sometimes!

I have a lot of respect for you now. Anyone who uses gosh in their writing is great in my book.
“Me either!” I said.

Me neither would be better since she said she had never beforehand.
“Great#FF0000 ">. #FF0000 ">Well could you show me where it is?

“I’m sorry,” he said, “that I don’t get told these things because you girls are always chatting about things behind my back.

This would sound much better with the "he said" after the sentence and not in between. It's okay to put an interrupter like that when it will sound natural with the short pause, but not just in the middle of the sentence like that. For example, "Yeah," she said, "I told you so." would work, but not, "Yeah, I told," she said, "you so." I'm exaggerating a little more than you did but it still sounds wrong with the pause.

The other other negative thing I would have to say about it was your description of the new girl. I mean we don't know much about her and you didn't mention anything about what she looked like. Is she skinny or fat? What color is her hair? Facial features? I think her name is funny and great use of something interesting there. Just have us get to know her more. I know characters develop as the story goes on, but usually the author tells us a little about what they look like when they're first introduced so the reader can get a picture.

I think you write great, especially for only being fifteen. I'm glad I was able to review this.





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