Young Writers Society

yay!
Thanks everyone for their awesome reviews, I loved them!

Kat: Yeah, I suck at dialogue punctuation. I should work more on it. Don't worry, is moi who has issues with punctuation you're a great mentor!

Juni =D I'm just gonna say something really quick, but first! A question: is this thingy related to that thingy on polyvore? Anyway, I'm actually very impressed by how much effort Chirantha must have put in that review, it really does look like a lot of work, but! On thing I'm actually entertained and still sad about is that even though I've really tried to help you when I was your mentor, you still have no clue about dialogue punctuation? xD

Anyway, awesome linky things to writing tips!
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topic44898.html

And do that spell checker thing Snoink suggested xD And, I wanna have that kind of awesome dream. Tell me how

- Kat <3

You got a very interesting concept in here Pudin..very interesting

Oh as a side note, that is amazing to have that kind of dream…I had one like that but it was somewhat about the image of heaven and hell…but to have a dream about your guardian angel is really cool…I wonder what mine looks like…hehe

So back to business…

Setting
You have the plot but the setting is lacking…but here is the thing: because it is a dream make your setting like a dream(unless you want to make the setting real…which is okay but I’ll talk about dream setting).
Make it surreal like those paintings by the surrealists or even the movie, “Lovely Bones”. To make it like a dream, try to play with a real place. For example if it happened by a lakeside or by a hill…twist the setting by putting images that are not based on reality but add to the dream-like mood.
For example, if its a lake put in a tree with its leaves blown by the leaves which transform to fish that goes to the water or that droplet-shaped things come out from the ground that goes to the sky or it is filled with people that are transparent that walked continuously.
As well, try to put the images based on the mood. What is the mood of the story? Sad or joyful…from my point of view, it seemed mournful so fit it with the setting. You can try it with an enclosed room where human figures stick out from the walls with head bent but they say words that taunt or something. Or like in a womb like place…anything that fit in with the mood. And used description not entirely but give some vivid detail on the landscape and one or two objects that have a key part in setting the story’s mood like the tree or the room’s wall or something. But before you can do that ponder on what significance that object is…not really important but just to pinpoint that dreams have meanings.

Dialogue
Not much dialogue is placed here but what she is thinking can be a dialogue. Okay firstly, try to identify the thoughts like, “How can I counsel an angel?” Try to separate it from the rest of the paragraph or italicize it to make it a thought. As well, do not forget body language. In this story, you added body language but I think it is limited to the mourning. Try to show body language on the character. When you mentioned pain, try to show it to the character. Like she is holding back on witnessing this.

Writing Format
Okay, firstly…do not use to many “and” for if read aloud it will sound weird and awkward.
Secondly, the questions at the beginning of the story…separate it from the rest of the first paragraph because it will set off the mood of the story.

That is all for now, Pudin. I hope to see the edited version of this and good job for the work. It is a lovely story and a very interesting dream…

Uhh...Snoink, I don't think it's spelling mistakes that she is having. Its full of grammatical mistakes. Don't worry, I'll try to fix them.

Mistakes,

Was it a dream#00BF00 ">?, was it some fool#FF0000 ">ish game fate #0000BF ">which was playing on her? She didn’t know the reasons nor #0000BF ">she didn't cared too much about knowing them, but it would have been nice to know why it was #0000BF ">suddenly happening. It was so surreal, everything seem#FF0000 ">ed to come from a perfect world fantasy #00BF00 ">fantasy world where the only imperfect thing there was her. And about #00BF00 ">above all the perfection of the place, there was this being that shined and extended its wings. Her angel, but he was crying and had been crying the whole time she had been there. That #00BF00 ">This was breaking her to pieces but still refused to get any closer. (I don't really understand this sentence. You should probably change the words to make it more meaning full)
And all of a sudden, in an instant, (You said 'all of sudden' so practically brings out the same meaning) the bright angel walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her. She felt as if her heart #0000BF ">had sunk. That #00BF00 ">This couldn’t be real, it was impossible, the angel #0000BF ">was hugging her tightly. He hugged her as tight as he could and let his tears run though #00BF00 ">down his cheeks. His sobs were quiet, as if he was in too much pain to even cry harder. But he definitely didn’t know all the pain he was causing her. The possibility of him #0000BF ">being with her again were #00BF00 ">was almost none and his soft touch was just going to be a dream for her. So all she could think about was the pain that the moment might inflict on her on the long run.
Did#FF0000 ">n’t he know what he was doing? Was he doing it on purpose? But even when she knew that #0000BF ">it was going to make her hurt more than even #00BF00 ">now, she still didn’t let go of him and hugged him back. His usually cold skin felt so warm now, so different. Maybe that was the way in which angels let out their pain. She patted his back carefully, running her hand down his back. After all, how could she console an angel? They were supposed to be perfect and beautiful, they weren’s #00BF00 ">weren't supposed to cry.
After a while of embracing him tightly, she felt how his sobs w#FF0000 ">ere ceasing and he was starting to let go. But deep inside of her she didn’t want him to let go for t#FF0000 ">she knew that he might never do that again. Her heart began beating faster than even #00BF00 ">ever when he started to let go and ran his hands all the way through #00BF00 ">over her arm until he reached her hand. He looked so broken and beaten, as if his wings had been cut away. And his music, it was just as if h#FF0000 ">is music had stopped playing. She couldn’t bear it, and he knew it; he knew well that if he cried it was very likely that she #0000BF ">would cried #00BF00 ">cry too. But letting her tears out were #00BF00 ">was not going to help, so she #FF0000 ">fought them back even when it hurt more than if she did let them run.
Very slowly, he let go of her hands and she felt as if she was going to die. His touch had felt so soothing and relaxing, and all of a sudden it was gone. He was walking away from her, but before he could take the third step he fell to the bench that was in the way and sank his head on #00BF00 ">into his hands. Oh, he was going to kill her with such pain that his face showed! How was she supposed to handle such pressure. In one moment, she wanted to take away all his pain and make it live in her since she was so used to pain. It didn’t really matter if she felt pain, she even liked pain but seen #00BF00 ">seeing him suffer like that #00BF00 ">this was like being shattered, broken to pieces. So she went to sit by his side and looked at him with compassion.
Almost apprehensively and unsure, she touched his face with the back of her hand and wiped away this #00BF00 ">the small silver tear that ran through his face. The tear felt warm, well, it was an angel’s tear. What else could she expect. But as weird as it seemed to her, very slowly he laid his head on her lap. Now that was surely heaven, maybe #0000BF ">even more than heaven. Her angel, her beloved angel was with her asking for her tenderness. And she had to accept #0000BF ">that she was weak enough to #0000BF ">not to resist such temptation of caressing his beautiful perfection. So she softly placed her hand on his hair and caressed it softly, threading her fingers in it, touching it with care.
“Why are you crying” She asked all of a sudden. That #00BF00 ">This was definitely not the moment for one of her rants but the words rushed out of her.
“I don’t know” He said with his velvet like voice, so soft and soothing.
“Maybe because you liked it” It was definitely a possibility but she was not going to make him accept that.
“I did not” He said softly, grimacing a little at the thought of humanity. Maybe it was true, humanity was definitely not made for such beings as were angels.
“Don’t cry then” she tried to sound convincing, calm, trying to sound calm but very deep inside she was broken as much as he was just by the sight of his silver tears.
It was then that it #0000BF ">hit her. He was #0000BF ">an angel, her angel, he had been there everytime she cried and every time she laughed. He was the reason her nightmares were turned into dreams. But after all this time she never realized that her perfect angel needed his very own angel. And in that moment, she was being his angel#00BF00 ">just that.\

Good, good. You say it was a dream? haha, the only cool dream I've had in a while is me giving an iguana a girlfriend... I know, it's weird. I would work on the spelling, your grammar and such. It sounded cool. A little on the side of City of Bones, if you've ever read that series. Great book, actually.

I think you should carry on with this, really & truly. "A dream is a wish your heart makes.." Oh yes. I'm a Cinderella person.

Please clarify the surroundings, your ideas seem to be formulated in your head more than in your words. Give me more of an image to what you see. make me feel your pain, give me an example of your suffering, something to compare it to.

Pudding! Soooooo many spelling mistakes! It's quite ridiculous... but incredibly fixable! Run it through a spell checker and fix them all!

Anyway, fantastic dream! Really! The main thing that you may want to do, to make this more storylike and less crazy is to state why the angel is there. By giving some sort of inherent conflict or reason as to why the angel is there will give us a better understanding of the situation and give us another level of depth to the story. And it'll make us more sorry for the characters.

Good luck!

Heya!

In the following sentence, "fate" must be capitalized.

was it some fool game fate was playing on her?

but it would have been nice to know why it was happening.

the only unperfect thing there was her

Her angel, but he was crying and had been crying the whole time she had been there.

That was breaking her to pieces but still refused to get any closer.

And all of a sudden, in an instant, the bright angel

I will review this as soon as I have time ^^
Promise.

-Lena