Young Writers Society

Please don't bump old threads.

*locked*

This started off awesomely!
I really thought it was going to be a little longer than it was but it was still cool.

One little point though: the first laughter is really unnecessary. It's like a title almost, and you don't need to tell us what the poem is about: we'll figure it out.

Besides that, it was good! Keep writing!

Pgsgirl

I have to say that I agree as well. Laughter is more than a sum of its parts, if you know what I mean. What's missing, I think, is subtlety. Try writing a poem describing something but dont tell us what it is, just for practice (i.e. dont mention it in the poem or any image commonly connected to it) - it can be an emotion or a physical object or whatever you like. Just try to get that 'abstraction' that makes poetry so much fun to read.

I agree...

what you've written so far simp[ly states what laughter is. You should say what laughter does as well, how it makes you (and others) feel.[/i]

This is a good start, but I'd like to see some more!

The first "Laughter" is rather pointless. It's like a title.

I'd like to see some more....as Incandescense would put it....abstraction. Some description. Not just statements. There was a good start with "Laughter is the light that carries us away from all sorrow", but elaborate on this.

Tell me what laughter feels like to your soul, to your heart, to your mind, your senses, everything eg. "An echoing ripple of happiness divine, the incessant, resonant noise of pure enjoyment." Bad example, but you get the jist.