Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

My old legs hurt as I gaze around while one of Satan’s son’s swings away, putting pressure on my ancient aching bones. It’s the same old scene. It’s another Saturday afternoon, a second troublesome crowd have arrived after watching the first screening of ‘Spiderman’. If only they had spider powers – they could hang onto walls instead of slamming their smelly behinds onto my seat. They hang in-groups of 10 or 15, screaming, shouting and just generally making a racket. There is rubbish everywhere, burger cases on the floor, melted cheese stuck to the bins and greasy fingers everywhere. I can see all the people here – there are parents sitting with their children treating them to a meal with a FREE TOY! I watch as they observe their children with obvious disgust as they smear their face with chocolate, tomato sauce and anything they can get their grubby little hands on. My back aches as teenagers and immature adults alike swing on only two legs. If only that wrapper was nearer maybe I would ‘accidentally’ slip on it and, if I’m lucky, knock out the culprit – or at least teach them a lesson or two.

I can see children in the Birthday corner attempting to throw rubbish into the bin, but always missing. And not only that but the rubbish is just left there, literally millimetres away from the bin. But ‘Oh No!’ God forbid if they would get off their smug little bums and place their litter neatly in the mouth of the Bin!

I can see the total annoyance on the faces of the employees as they wonder around with their mop or broom just sweeping the dirt around making little mountains of dust and left over food – which is just waiting for some unsuspecting victim to trip and fall on.

Couples wonder in and out, kissing between bites of ‘Grease Burgers’ or ‘fat on a bun’. Disgusting! Sometimes the rubbish isn’t really that bad but the smell can be overwhelming. It just lingers around. The smell of sweaty people, soggy chips or gone off milkshake. It’s enough to make any chair creak!

Gherkins and courgettes hang precariously on the edge of the bin lid or threaten to drop on my beloved upholstery!

I go through this torture day after day as I witness disturbing amounts of food which just narrowly misses the bin, or watch the smiles diminish off the faces of the staff.

There is only so much we chairs can take and we are very close to the edge so next time you go to a fast food outlet beware – us chairs may just ‘snap’ on you!

Hello there.

Just wanted to drop off some much needed and deserved feedback, even if this is over a decade in coming!

First off, I think that the opening paragraph is too long and drags the reader through an idea, though somewhat unique, feels a little tired by the end of it. By being so negative and pessimistic to all walks of life here, I think that turned me off a little so I wasn't super amused by the time the hook actually appeared. A decent thing to do would be to either shorten this and at least separate that starting paragraph into smaller chunks, or simply scrap most of these parts and keep only the truly different sentences.

From there, I want to touch upon the whole premise of this in a more broad way. Picking non-living objects is a neat idea to get the creativity sparking, so yeah, but maybe this just isn't my cup of tea when it comes to humorous stories. I do think in any case that a cursory glance over this story once more would do some good in finding parts that seem a little too dragged out.

On a side note - I had to google what "Gherkins and courgettes" were, and it does confuse me a little that they would be whole in a trash can. Or that they would be in a fast food place, to begin with, but I guess that could be in a different part of the world!

Overall, I think this was a decent try and making something unique, but switching around a few long scenes, like the opening paragraph, and maybe eliminating things such as all caps, would let this story read more comprehensively.

That's all I've got for now.

Chairs, eh!! That's a good one. As a kid, I always tried to write things from different perspectives because the same things would bore the teacher, so I can identify with you.

this is really clever and original, good work.

The assingment was: describe a scene in a fast food restaurant on a busy day. I decided to do the assignment from an unusual perspective so that my piece would not be like all the others written. Hopefully i achieved my aim! x

Yeh, I was slightly confused at first, but after the last line it all became clear and the second read was amusing.

A good read.

lol, I like the ending; definitely puts a different spin on it.

I hate fast food for all the same reasons; except that is for Popeyes, Checkers and Subway. But McDonalds, Burger King and Wendys...

Anyways, I thought that this written very well. You should tell us, though, what the assignment was; although I take it that the assignment was to tell a story from the pov of an inanimate object. If so, then this is great. It's always hard to come up with stories told from such a point of view.

And rereading it now, I really like that first line. First time I read it through, I was like "huh?" but now it makes sense and I really like the part about ancient aching bones. However, you should change adults' in "My back aches..." to just adults. Also, get rid of the 'of course' from the first line of the second paragraph.

Very well done and humorous on the second read through (the first read through was a bit confusing, but it makes sense once you get to the end).