The repetition at the beginning is good, actually, it leads up to something nicely, but only when it's leading up to something. Like people before me have said, this poem doesn't seem to really have a proper ending.
You've got nice imagery, and the concept of the poem, while done before, is good, but things seem a bit elongated.
She sits,
staring out the rain covered window,
wading in her sorrow and anger,
sending out signals for help,
and waiting for relief.
I stand,
watching her in this state,
horrified by the mask of sadness on her face,
Trying to conjure up something to say,
but then decide against it.
Here's what I mean. These two stanzas would benefit greatly from having the last line of each chopped off. You're explaining too much in each one. While it may not be obvious that she is waiting for relief, there is no real reason to know this and it makes the reader feel as if there is too much information, spoiling the effect. "But then decide against it" just sounds out of place and stand-out, even if it wasn't too much info.
~Aet
Points: 4332
Reviews: 192
Donate