Young Writers Society

absolutely gorgeous! concise and dreamy and melancholy. I especially liked this bit:
"ending with a listless turn away,
the silent sound of dress shoes
.
treading upon the vibrant, living grass,"

I really liked the touch of adding the specificity of 'dress shoes' for some reason. I think I might have one minor critique about this bit:

"throwing every color and length of hair
like willow leaves,"

I might have just left it as 'every length of hair' as this way feels a little too defined. But at the same time it's a really lovely simile.
Also, with the first line I really could hear that soft, damp earthly slice of the shovel.
I suppose, to sum up, it's all the sensory details that make this poem, clear without being over-wordy or too pointed. very nice job!

For some reason, the poem is quite...apathetic? dull? I don't know, to be honest with you. It's like I'm seeing the scenes that you wrote though a murky looking-glass, and I just can't see it clearly.

Overall, your poem is quite good! Keep it up!

-Rosie =]

Your imagery is great.

I like your ending; I understand what you were saying.

I don't know why but this poem just feels kind of dull to me, but it's still good...

3/5

I enjoyed your poem the use of words were beautiful. But your last two stanza were confusing make it clear.