Young Writers Society

I think this is an amazing poem, it even more amazing because it was written by someone who is just learning English. I hope to see more amazing writing in the future.

I think this is an amazing poem, it even more amazing because it was written by someone who is just learning English. I hope to see more amazing writing in the future.

Woahhh firstly, WELCOME to YWS!!^^ I’m certain you’ll love it here because I certainly do, the people here are lovely and welcoming. Let’s dive in to the poem then shall we? To begin with, let me just say that I love who short, simple and concise this it but it doesn’t make it any less amazing and how short and meaningful this is makes it even MORE amazing!:D
I love the rhyming too it’s refreshing and beautiful since I don’t see many poems like this and I for one am not good at rhyming and often my whole story plot goes astray trying to find words that…click yknow? So, it’s really awe-inspiring for me.
I love the line:
‘ Is this truly reality or a cruel twisted trip?’
and the wonderful line:
‘ Am I really alive, or am I merely erased?’
The first one is awesome because I love when stories or poems or even my thoughts think/talk about that kind of stuff because I love theories that say
What if we’re just a small reality of a much larger scheme? Or, what if we aren’t significant at ALL and we’re just a pawn in a much, MUCH bigger game?! Very exciting stuff, am I right?
The second line I quoted is lovely too. It’s one of the topics I could talk about for hours but;
1.I really shouldn’t for my sake and yours,
2.My hands will cry and
3.It will be too much to read.
I’ll shorten it up then. I’m rambling. Are we alive? Are we just in a simulation and a pawn(once again) of some higher, divine being? Which religion is “right”? Or…is life after death a world we never and can never imagine? Is there absolutely nothing awaiting us after death? I’m sure everyone has thought about that once in a while and I can admit it’s scary enough to make a grown man cry if thought about carefully and in depth. In short, LOVELY WORK AND NEVER STOP WRITING!! Have a good day/night and thank you for reading, lovely people.

Oh my, what a lovely poem!
The rhythmic flow of your poem is wonderful! This poem almost feels like a song as I go along, with the rhythm coming along like the regular washing up of waves onto a shore. I love the way you convey raw emotion--it hits ya right in the feels! Very accurate to the very real anxieties and fears that a lot of us have had the misfortune of experiencing.
I am in LOVE with the way you choose to end the poem, leaving readers with a sense of dread. It is magical how you can convey such heavy, deep and nuanced emotion within such few words, and it is a skill that does not come naturally to many people.
I honestly could not tell that English was your second language! Your word choice overall is perfect and I don't think there's any places wherein the way you choose to convey your thoughts could be in any ways improved beyond what you've presented here.

There's just a tiny little thing I'd like to point out.
In the line,
"Am I really alive, or am I merely erased?"
your word choice doesn't flow as well as it could with the overall tone. Specifically, the word 'erased' could be used here differently, such as 'Am I merely being erased?'. The word alive (to me) shows an ongoing action, but the word 'erased' shows something already happened.

Was your intention to point out the fact that you were not alive, but never even here to begin with? If so, I can see that intention, but you could try to improve your word choice with that one word there--perhaps it could become 'buried' or 'lost' or 'neglected'?
To be honest, I also struggle with word choice a lot. I recommend checking out thesaurus.com when you're stuck with a word that has the same meaning as the one in your thoughts but just doesn't flow with the sentence quite well. Or, if you have the definition (or part of the definition) of a word but you don't know the exact word you want, check out Tip of My Tongue (https://chir.ag/projects/tip-of-my-tongue/)or OneLook Thesaurus (https://onelook.com/reverse-dictionary.shtml).

Or was your intention to show that you are being slowly removed from life instead of becoming alive?
In that case, you could change the form/tense of the word 'erased' to match that of 'alive' by changing it to 'being erased.

At the end of the day, my friend, these are all only suggestions. You can choose to implement them if you want to. I hope this helps you in your future endeavours. You are doing quite some amazing work on here, and I really hope to see more of you around here soon.

Hello Hello, Firstly welcome to The Young Writers Society I hope you enjoy your time here. Secondly, For English being you're second language this is a very solid piece and I wouldn't have noticed at first glance. Overall I like the vibe you were aiming for and the themes used in such a short and sweet little poem. Since it is shorter I don't have much feedback to give so I want to show some lines I enjoyed,

" The lines become blurred I do not know my place." and " My grasp on the world seems to slip.' really stands out to me. it helps show the themes and is a strong hook to start the poem.

Overall. Keep going remember to drink water and I hope you have a good time here!

Hi! I'm gonna get right to the review. This poem is short, but says a lot in a limited amount of space. I felt like you were talking right to the reader because of the three questions you asked.

A line that stood out to me:

Is this truly reality or a cruel twisted trip?

Is this really all a manifestation of my fear?

Am I really alive, or am I merely erased?

Love it! I love the meaning of it and i like the flow, how simple you've written it and how it rhymes : )

Time for a Black Cat Review!!

MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

I know you said that english is not your first language, but from what I see, this looks amazing! This was a very lovely, short, but sweet poem

You start of really strong:

My grasp on the world seems to slip,

Is this truly reality or a cruel twisted trip?

My mind feels cloudy and my vision unclear,

Is this really all a manifestation of my fear?

The lines become blurred, I do not know my place,

Am I really alive, or am I merely erased?

Is this truly reality or a cruel twisted trip?

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

I'm Orabella, here to give you a quick review on this lovely work! ^^ Yes, this is the right place to post poetry! (Although many places are the right places to post poetry) For English not being your first language, this is amazing! Reading this, I wouldn't have thought it had been written by anyone but a native English speaker, but obviously you've proven me wrong!

Can I ask, what is your first language? Do you know any others as well?

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I imagine diving into a dark and cloudy pond when reading this, and it makes me feel strangely nostalgic, or reminiscent of memories that have faded. The poem itself is describing the feeling of no clarity, where things are blurred and cloudy, and you describe this in such vivid detail in so few words.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I honestly had a really hard time coming up with something to say for this section. There isn't really much that could be improved on... it's short, first of all, but it's also just really well written! There's not much to say!

However, I feel like the last bit of the last line feels a little bit awkward.

or am I merely erased?

I swear every time I see "english is not my first language" I read an absolute masterpiece. Like atp I kinda just expect it

This is wonderful and really encapsulates the concept of having (basically) an existential crisis

😭😭