z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

The Prime Control Chapter 2 Part 1: The Fire's Monarch

by keeperofgaming


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

I was sitting in my flat when Taury flapped and sat on top of my head.

“What is it?”

“I’m bored.”

“Why? We got TV.”

“Yeah but watching Lord of the Rings is nowhere near as fun as doing magic ourselves.”

“Le gasp, blasphemy.”

She rolled her eyes.

“We are literally in a magical hotspot; you should utilize it.”

“Eh.”

“Just do something.”

I sighed before standing up.

“Fine, we’ll go shopping, maybe I’ll find a pixie muffler.”

“Yay… wait a second.”

I walked out the door with her still on my head.

_

“Okay, so, that’s the tomatoes, do we need anything else.”

“Who are you talking to?”

I jumped and spun.

“Oh, Amy, you startled me, what are you doing here.”

“Shopping. And you?”

“Same.”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Oh, I verbalize my thought process occasionally.”

“Ah, that makes sense… what?”

I was trying to process what I was seeing.

“I honestly half expected you to have servants that shopped for you.”

“Heh, yeah, my parents would prefer that, but since I like shopping on my own, they send guards instead.”

I looked around.

“That would explain the four guys failing to be indiscreet.”

All four coughed immediately, and Amy’s eyes widened.

“You actually noticed them? Normally, I’d have to point them out.”

“Oh, my gramps taught me how to detect those who want to hide, so I could never be snuck up on. I was never good at it, but I understood the basics at least.”

One of the guys walked up, moderate surprise on his face.

“More than that, we are known as the shadows because no one can detect us.”

“Huh, maybe I was better than I thought, I could never find Gramps or Saiyung.”

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, Saiyung is my Gramp’s ex. She’s a master martial artist. She also told me how to evade detection, and how to lose it.”

I slightly laughed, remembering the days that I spent searching for her, only to find that she was right behind me the whole time.

“Wow, you seem to be quite skilled.”

“Nope, I’m just a novice, I could never even get close to beating gramps. Heck, he’d always tell me I was the worst student he ever had.”

“He sounds like a cruel man.”

“Cruel but wise. He’s sorta like Yoda, he pretends to be incompetent but guides perfectly, plus, he’s the strongest guy I’ve ever known.”

Another guy walked up.

“Wow, would I know him?”

“Probably, he’s decently well known in the martial arts community.”

“Huh, who is he?”

“John Cambell.”

One blinked.

“YOUR GRANDFATHER IS JOHN CAMBELL?!!”

“Yep.”

Amy looked confused.

“Is he famous?”

“Is he famous? He’s the greatest martial artist known to mankind. Grandmasters go to him for lessons.”

I smiled.

“Yeah, he’s good.”

“No wonder you could never get him, he’s a master of masters. I don’t think you’re a novice, you’re just that compared to him.”

“Huh, maybe. I don’t think so though.”

The leader of the shadows looked at me like I was crazy.

“Anyways, I gotta get more groceries, have a good day.”

I walked off.

Taurael asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me your gramps was famous?”

“Slipped the mind.”

She looked annoyed.

“Really?”

“Yep. When I think of Gramps, I don’t think ‘master martial artist,’ I think ‘Gramps, the old guy.’”

“… I guess that makes sense.”

“Would you want salad?”

“Ick.”

“Why ick?”

“I don’t know how you humans can scarf down that stuff that emerges from the dirt.”

“… Are pixie’s carnivores?”

She looked confused.

“Hm?”

“You only eat meat.”

“Yep.”

“But we had pizza last night.”

“And?”

“The crust is made with wheat.”

She was flabbergasted.

“…Really?”

“Yep.”

“Huh.”

“The sauce was made with tomatoes, heck there were peppers on the pizza.”

“Wow, I never realized that… is cheese made of some sorta plant too?”

“Nope, that’s cow’s milk.”

“Okay… wait… humans harvest cow’s milk?”

“Yeah?”

She raised a brow.

“… That’s weird.”

“… I guess, but cheese tastes good so I ain’t complaining.”

“Does the milk also taste good?”

“Yep.”

She narrowed her eyes at me.

“… pervert.”

“How… no… *sigh* I don’t think you quite understand. Cows are animals, the female cows produce both milk and beef. We harvest said milk and beef for various, usually nutritional, uses.”

She thought for a moment.

“… hmm… I guess that makes sense… you’re still a pervert.”

“No, I’m… *sigh*… Let’s just finish shopping…”

I looked at her before murmuring.

“I’m not even the one that gathers it.”

_

Okay that was the groceries, now to see if there was anything I wanted at other stores.

I stepped into a doll store and saw various things.

Taury looked around confused.

“Why are we here?”

“You can’t just wear that armor all the time, I’m getting you new clothes.”

The shopowner saw me.

“Hello there, kid, anything you want?”

“Hm, got any just clothes?”

“Sure, in this section. You and your little friend there can find what you need.”

“Thanks.”

Wait a minute.

“You can see her?”

“Oh, was I supposed to pretend I couldn’t, darn I always get that wrong. Now that I think about it, you are the one, aren’t you?”

“The one?”

“Indeed, the unsung one.”

I looked confused.

“The unsung one?”

“I shouldn’t say more, events can shift if they are explained.”

“Okay… um what’s your name?”

“Pearl.”

“What kind of fey are you?”

“I am no fey.”

“Oh, so you have a relic.”

“Yep.”

“Alright, well, Wings, let’s check out the stuff.”

We walked up to the case.

“Oh, what about this one?”

She was looking at a barbie bikini.

“Oh heck no.”

“Come on, I need swim gear in case we ever go to the beach, so why not- … Oh, are you embarrassed~?”

“N-no.”

“My, I’m flattered that you are concerned for my decency~ but yeah, I’m getting that. Well, what else should we get?”

“How about a t-shirt?”

“Oh, or~”

“… Ok, at this point, you are just messing with me!”

It was a half-cut shirt.

“No, we are getting decent clothes.”

“You’re the only one that can see me.”

“Literally about half the people we’ve met have been able to see you.”

“Urm… well…”

“Yeah no, get the bikini if you want, but for regular wear, you are wearing decent stuff.”

“Fine…”

“Not used to seeing someone boss around a pixie.”

We turned to see a tall man, he had a heavy disguise, but Pixie seemingly recognized him.

“Sir Roman? What are you doing here?”

“Hello, Wings, I was interested in meeting Morgan’s latest pet. She never interacts with humans since… him.”

“Who?”

“None of your business, human. Anyways, buy your pixie clothes and follow me.”

“Okay?”

We bought the clothes from Pearl who seemed terrified of the disguised atronach, it made sense to be scared of a council member, but I was kind of confused with how she knew who he was.

We left the building and followed Roman into an alley.

“Well, human, what is your name?”

“William.”

He nodded.

“Alright, do you know why a demon strong enough to break one of Morgan’s rules was after you?”

“No, I didn’t even believe the stories until that one was sitting in my chair.”

He seemed thoughtful.

“Hm… it seems Morgan was right.”

“Hm?”

Then his eyes flicked around me, then instead of explaining, he simply made me have more questions.

“She did have to put a lot of power into you, but it doesn’t seem like it’s sustaining you… no matter.”

“Wait, what do you mean it isn’t sustaining me?”

“That is none of your business.”

I was getting annoyed.

“Excuse me, if it pertains to me and, if I may, the magic that was shoved in my body, I think it is my business.”

Taury began to shake.

“William, calm down.”

“I agree with the pixie. Remember your place human.”

I was ticked off.

“Nah, because I’ll tell you what, you are ticking me off. You know that Morgan has ulterior motives when it comes to me as well as anyone else.”

He seemed to grow taller.

“Don’t test me human, you know not who you address.”

“Of course, I do, Roman, the fire atronach in the council.”

He had a flicker of surprise.

“How could you have known that?”

“I was the guy who shouted at the twit who was insulting his own sister.”

His eyes widened, and he looked at me in genuine surprise.

“You were the mist? Interesting, you are right. It seems Morgan is keeping quite a bit from us.”

Then his eye flicked with anger, so I raised my hands.

“And before you begin with the threats, Morgan already handled the drill pertaining to the pixie guy and Wings’s names.”

“I see, but you still shouldn’t bother yourself with items that are the council’s concerns.”

“It’s still my concern because, you know, it’s my body!”

“Silence, human, you are annoying me.”

“Why did you even bring me here if you didn’t want to tell me anything?”

“Because I wanted information from you, but you have none.”

“Oh, I get it, you want information. Well, yippee kai ye you got what you wanted, apparently Morgan didn’t do anything to resurrect me and her magic is doing who knows what.”

“Silence, Human.”

“Come on, the least you could do is explai-“

“I SAID SILENCE!”

He went to punch me, his fist igniting. Then, in a snap moment.

“SUGGEST!!!”

He froze, before going limp and swaying.

I was in shock, so were Taurael and Grace.

Wait, Grace?

I spun quickly, and she muttered.

“What… what have you done?”

“Hey, he was about to attack me.”

Grace suddenly got angry. Then she began to stomp off.

“That’s it, I’m going to the council, they will execute you for-“

“Suggest!”

She also started swaying.

“You two, listen to me.”

““Yes.””

“I am not your enemy.”

Grace twitched, but Roman accepted it easily.

“You are impressed by me being able to stop Roman’s attack, thus you have more respect for me.”

It went down without a fight. It seems that atronachs respect power.

“You gain more trust for me.”

For Roman, it was like a hot iron was thrown on my skull, but Grace accepted it easily.

“You feel as though…”

I thought for a moment, Grace may accept being open with me, but Roman didn’t trust me enough.

“I can be counted on, due to my surprising prowess.”

That elicited a struggle, but it was accepted.

“And Grace, you will not remember me using my power on Roman, is that understood.”

“Yes.”

“Release.”

Both of them snapped back to normal.

“Sir Roman? What are you doing to William?”

“Sorry, I allowed my emotions to get the better of me… I’m sorry, Wings, if I scared you. I should go back, you seem pretty reliable, William, good job on actually deflecting my attack. I’ll look forward on conversing with you more. And Grace, me and William were just finishing up a conversation.”

Grace glared at him.

“Hmph, yeah, don’t try to attack him.”

“Whatever.”

Roman left. Grace quickly turned to me with concern in her eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes… thanks for the concern.”

“Geez, he scared Wings so badly. She’s still frozen.”

Sure enough, it was like Taurael was paralysed.

“Yeah, we should get going now.”

She looked in the direction Roman went, pure hate emanating from her eyes.

“Agreed, be careful, I don’t like that Roman is taking an interest in you. That means that others will do the same.”

“Um, thanks for the tip.”

I walked back to my flat. Taurael was silent the whole time.

I sat down and sighed. Then Taurael spoke.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve just done?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you know what any council member would do if they found out?”

“Yes.”

“Then why?”

“I… wasn’t thinking… it just happened, like my mind instinctually reached for it as the prime defense.”

“Be more careful… if something were to happen… I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Alright…”

“Why did you antagonize him?”

“My emotions boiled over. I’m just… so irritated.”

“Why?”

“Morgana acted like she did a huge favor and saved my life, but apparently she didn’t do that, so her magic is here for who knows what and Roman was acting like I had no business discussing what was done with my own body.”

“I… that would be irritating.”

“Worst of all, he acted like I was useless because I didn’t know anything. Do… do fey see humans as lesser?”

Taurael sighed.

“There… are a lot of people on both sides that think that the other race is lesser. Fey, who think that human’s lack of magical aptitude makes them mere animals, and humans who see fey as murderous insects.”

“I see… How is this kept hidden from the public?”

“As far as I know, in most realms, human died out in some way or another, so the fey here see this as sort of a last bastion of humanity, so they keep themselves hidden, of course, some figure it out.”

“How did humans die out?”

“Demons… and the council.”

“What?”

“The demons… are pretty self-explanatory, humans are their primary food source, and they love to overhunt.”

“And the council?”

“Roman and Morgan are very old. Roman singlehandedly annihilated his realm before discovering the beyond.”

“Why would he…”

“By what he says, he didn’t know any better. As far as he knew, they were all playing with him. Upon the realization that they were terrified and trying to survive his onslaught, he fell into a deep depression. As of now, he’s the only known living thing from that realm.”

“So… he was forced to mature quickly.”

“Yes, and he’d gained a general disdain for most people.”

“I can see that. What of Morgan?”

“You know how druids used to sacrifice here?”

“Yep, I read that in an article.”

“Morgan was the deity they sacrificed to. She would eat them, no matter what it was. Even… humans. She is a force of nature, in fact, my brother used to call her, the sleeping maw of the earth, because of her sheer power.”

I was pale by this point, but she continued.

“Messing with any of the council is dumb, but those two is a veritable death sentence. Morgan seems so sweet, but she can swiftly shift into a monster of unimaginable nightmares, and Roman can be polite and cordial, but he can swiftly get enraged and kill in an instant.”

“But I managed to use suggest.”

“That’s because your reflexes are insane.”

“They are?”

“Yes, your response was instantaneous, if he wasn’t so fast, I’d bet you could’ve dodged.”

“Wow, could I actually be strong?”

“Yes, the shadow dude said it too, but once again, let’s focus on finding an easier to explain magic.”

“What if I could summon fire?”

“What makes you go there?”

“Well, that is a standard fantasy magic.”

“*Sigh* Well, might as well try every- WOAH!”

I called upon fire and it poured over me. I was freaking out before realizing two things. I wasn’t burning, and the fire wasn’t spreading.

“What the heck?”

“T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-“

“Taury, speak clearly, please.”

“That’s fire body, an extremely powerful fire spell, you need immense magical energy to bring it up, and you are sustaining it like it’s nothing.”

“Woah… how do I turn it off?”

“Um… think wet thoughts.”

I thought of a waterfall, then the fire faded.

“Thanks… I’mma try earth.”

“Why?”

“Because lava.”

Upon my brilliant explanation, she sighed deeply.

“Fine, just don’t burn down the house.”

I breathed in, then I decided to mimic To*h, she learned from bad*ger moles, so I could learn it too.

I felt a trail, so I reached out, grabbing it. I tugged it and pulled it around me.

Taurael gasped.

I opened my eyes, causing the rocks flying around me to fall down.

“What happened?”

“You… you casted Earth Armor, if you kept focusing, you could have done it. You should focus better in the future.”

I simply glared at her. She began sweating.

“What?”


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980 Reviews


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Reviews: 980

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Fri Apr 19, 2024 9:03 am
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - William comes across Roman and displays more of his power, Taurel freaks out at the sheer amount of magic within him, and Morgan could very well be a 99% level threat.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - There’s one instance where there is an I in Taurel’s name. If that’s part of her name, then ignore this.

Chocolate Bar - I love that Taurel seems so amazed by William’s power and how he just doesn’t care. Magic isn’t familiar with him, and he doesn’t know how big of a deal it is. But he will soon…

Closing Graham Cracker - Morgan is…is a lot scarier than I expected. Hopefully William doesn’t get on the council’s bad side, because that wouldn’t be good for him or Taurel. Maybe everything will be fine!

I wish you a lovely day/night!






Just to make sure you know there are 2 parts of each chapter.I just want to be sure, since you made your second comment here that you read the second part of chapter oneJust to make sure there are 2 parts of each chapter. I just want to be sure, since you made your second comment here that you read the second part of chapter one.

Thanks for the review.





I know. I%u2019m reading it in chronological order.





Alright, good, I just wanted to be sure.



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235 Reviews


Points: 41092
Reviews: 235

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Wed Apr 03, 2024 9:28 pm
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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

I enjoyed this chapter a lot! Blending casual moments like shopping in with learning more about the fey, not to mention the ending that shows off power beyond mind control -as if that isn't cool enough, haha. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Nothing much to put here! I enjoyed both the casual nature and the magical nature of this chapter. The dialogue felt appropriate and on-point, and even details like the resistance to the mind control were just right. There was just one tiny typo in this sentence here:

and Rowan can be polite and cordial, but he can swiftly get enraged and kill in an instant.”


I guess the "M" in Roman got turned upside-down, haha.

That is all. Good writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened...

There were a lot of laughs in this chapter! Firstly, the idea of a Pixie, from a magical realm of fey, watching Lord Of The Rings with a human is as awesome as it is hilarious. Then, a little bit later, came the moment in the doll shop:

She was looking at a barbie bikini.

“Oh heck no.”


This felt like one of those classic awkward moments in anime, and it made me chuckle. There was also the moment in the grocery store, where William had to explain the concept of plants and dairy -not only funny, but also told us more about Pixies and possibly fey at large. It's interesting that they would be carnivorous, I would honestly expect it to be the other way around. It makes them feel more unique though, and shows more about how they live in contrast to humans, so it was a good detail to have in there for the sake of worldbuilding.

It was great to learn more about these council members, especially Roman. He sounds like a very interesting type of character:

“By what he says, he didn’t know any better. As far as he knew, they were all playing with him. Upon the realization that they were terrified and trying to survive his onslaught, he fell into a deep depression. As of now, he’s the only known living thing from that realm.”


This gives me some theories about atronachs, like since they come from natural disasters, they may not have much of a conscious at first and just cause *disaster* themselves, making them more dangerous. Though I imagine they would then be more feared than respected, so I don't know lol. Either way, awesome backstory, and the fact that Morgan used to be a deity that would accept human sacrifices definitely explains any apathy toward them.

And finally, the new spells of fire and earth. They both had to do with sort of "shrouding" William so I wonder if all his elemental spells will lean into being more defensive than offensive. Even more so, what's the full range of his elemental capability, and what will he be forced to use it on, if he is? So many questions; I love dissecting magic systems though, so this is exciting!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, great chapter, nicely done! :D

Image






Thanks for the review and I'm thinking this story will be biweekly




It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien