wasprt1 wrote:i think it was nice beceuse thats what normal life is liek
Yeah I try to make it as relative as possible
What the fuck is that noise? So loud...Like Bairing. Fuck it,fine. I'll open my eyes.
I go ahead and squint open my eyes to see the sun peering through my half-open blinds covering my window. Damnit,It's monday morning.
I get up,let out a loud,groggy, "AGGGGHHHHHHH" like a half-yawn,half-growl type of 'good-morning',smash my alarm to turn off that yelling nuisance. Usual walk down the hallway past my little sister's bedroom where you already hear that damn Hannah Montana shit the little tweens listen to nowadays. She's 11,I guess I can forgive her for right now,she'll learn her stupidity as she gets older. Shit,did I forget to introduce myself?
Well,let me paint a picture for you. I'm 17 years young,and am at the end of my sophomore year,with about a month left. Tall,almost 6 foot or so,Dirty brown hair. Like blonde-ish looking,with brown parts. I don't know,it looks like I have highlights like a faggot,but it's my natural hair color. I'm usually seen wearing a hoodie most of the year,and all skate brands on every part of my clothing,from my Vans Hi-Tops,to my DC Tees,EMPYRE jeans,etc.,even though I don't skate. Studded belt....you know.
Tell me I'm a poser,I'll tell you to fuck off. Labels are for soup cans,not people. Unless you're like the damn president. I have the long-ish type of hair. Not too long,not very short either. Kinda Shaggy,I guess you could say.
I'm popular,well,kind of. I'm just so easy to get along with,everyone likes me. I hate most of em' tho. People just annoy me in general. I still stay cool with everyone,what's the point of starting any shit,yah' know?
Oh,and the most important part,my name's Jake Nash. I live in small-town Valentine,Michigan. I go to the local high-school here.
We're pretty regular people. Now that I've introduced myself,back to what the hell I was doing...oh yeah,it's Monday morning. Shit.
The water's hot this morning in the shower,nice... Where the hell's my Gillete Shampoo? Damnitt , dad. Oh well,looks like I'll use my substitute,AXE.So happy schools almost over this year. Only 3 more weeks,starting today. Can't wait for Kade Daniels,Marissa Shonnins,Michael Swinds end of the year parties. Best month of the year,I'd say. May. Every Friday this month last year was amazing,and I don't expect much less this year,except more.
Well,the fucking shower was great,but I'm still in a tired-as-fuck-stay-away kinda mood.
"Need some coffee?", offers my mom.
"Nahh,I'll just get some 5 Hour Energy or something",I reply.
"You know those aren't good for you",she counters.
She gives me a stern look,and I just ignore it. I didn't say anything back either. I just don't really care. I'm too tired right now to care.
"Later,mom."
I stoop outside the door without hearing what she said back,and just keep on towards the end of my street,where my bus usually picks me up. Stupid-ass bus driver passes it up,then has to reverse,and you know how fucking long that takes. I start up the stairs to the inside of the bus,and towards the back,maybe the second-to-last row,sits my best friend,Ash. We've known each other all of our lives. I think since we were maybe 2? Yeah,I think that's right. Imagine a 5'11,orange-ish,brown-ish haired,cocky 16-year-old,abercrombie-clothed from top to bottom,with the exception of his Nike Shox shoes. I just kinda slide to the back of the bus and sit next to him. Same routine we've done for years,ever since middle school. We're so used to it now,we just don't even talk to each other. Like,in a good way. We don't have to impress each other,but we're just kinda there. Conversation does eventually start though.
I begin, "I'm tired as fuck"
"Yeahh,me too"
"The fuck you do last weekend? You weren't at Logan's."
"Oh,I just felt like staying home. I expect you guys had the usual?"
"Yeah,the weed,you know,the shitty kind John gets,but whatever,it's worth it"
"Gonna be at Marissa's party this weekend,right?"
"Hell yeah,wouldn't miss it for anything"
"Dude can't wait,might hook up with Sarah"
I laugh at him, "Ahh,bullshit dude. She wouldn't,not with you anyway"
Ash smiles,then "Fuck off,I'll get all up in her,and you'll be jealous"
The bus rocks forward,as we come to a stop.
The beginning of another school day. May 2,2011. Here we go again.
"Let this train wreck burn more slowly,
Kids are victims in this story,
Drown the youth with useless warnings,
Teenage rules they're fucked and boring"
Blink 182-The Anthem Part Two
wasprt1 wrote:i think it was nice beceuse thats what normal life is liek
BeKWithaK wrote:Wow. You need to put SPACES into your sentences and look at your punctuation and spelling. I think you even spelled "fuck" wrong at one point, which seems to be your favourite word
This thing is full of ads! Brand names! I like the "labels are for soup cans" thing but not so many brands in there because personally it ruins the writing. I'm not saying throw all the brands out, I'm just saying not so many.
"Damnitt" "Itt" is spelled "it". Two letters. Either you don't know how to spell two and three letter words or you've made lots of typos. Fix this and I'll read it again.
I like how the character swears a lot. It's how I talk in real life (when the parents aren't around) and it's nice to hear how me and my friends talk in a book. Don't be afraid to swear! Not that you are
You kind of just dump some information on how he looks onto us. Slow down, and maybe put it in when he's looking at his reflection in the mirror? I know it's not original but it's better than the way you've described Jake.
"Tell me I'm a poser,I'll tell you to fuck off. Labels are for soup cans,not people. Unless you're like the damn president. I have the long-ish type of hair. Not too long,not very short either. Kinda Shaggy,I guess you could say."
Why does he suddenly go from labels and posers to how his hair looks?
Keep writing!
Bek
Wow. You need to put SPACES into your sentences and look at your punctuation and spelling. I think you even spelled "fuck" wrong at one point, which seems to be your favourite word 
This thing is full of ads! Brand names! I like the "labels are for soup cans" thing but not so many brands in there because personally it ruins the writing. I'm not saying throw all the brands out, I'm just saying not so many.
"Damnitt" "Itt" is spelled "it". Two letters. Either you don't know how to spell two and three letter words or you've made lots of typos. Fix this and I'll read it again.
I like how the character swears a lot. It's how I talk in real life (when the parents aren't around) and it's nice to hear how me and my friends talk in a book. Don't be afraid to swear! Not that you are 
You kind of just dump some information on how he looks onto us. Slow down, and maybe put it in when he's looking at his reflection in the mirror? I know it's not original but it's better than the way you've described Jake.
"Tell me I'm a poser,I'll tell you to fuck off. Labels are for soup cans,not people. Unless you're like the damn president. I have the long-ish type of hair. Not too long,not very short either. Kinda Shaggy,I guess you could say."
Why does he suddenly go from labels and posers to how his hair looks?
Keep writing!
Bek
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