Young Writers Society

I really like this poem and you most defiantly have a knack for writing. You gave us a good amount of imagery and I could sense some of the emotions. I also love the topic. I do think the flow could be a little better and maybe some of the punctuation.

egunn1007 wrote:I glance out the window full of color.
I transfer my gaze to the black and white photographs of a once-happy-family.
I wonder if they will ever be peaceful again.
I find my eye has given birth to a cold, salty tear.
I feel it slip down the side of my face.
I taste that empty-hearted tear, letting it sting my mouth with memories.
I pretend to be brave, to laugh it all off.
I glance out the window full of color.

I glance out the window full of color.
I watch as my eyes turn red.
I feel the tears rolling down my wet cheeks like a waterfall.
I sense the Band Aid on my heart tear off again.
I unleash all the stored sadness and anger,
I dream of a time where we were happy.
I hope that my brothers never feel this pain.
I protect myself,
I build walls so no one will see me again.
I promise to myself I will never let me hurt me again. Do you really mean "me" or do you mean "them"? If you meant me, then you should say ' I will never hurt myself again.'
I glance out the window full of color.

Hey Egunn!

I like this poem a lot. I like the emotion put behind it and the general feeling.

One thing I would change though, is the repetition of the first line. Maybe you could only use it as the first or last? Or change it up somehow. Otherwise it gets a little annoying to read.

There's something about the message behind this that I like, though, and I really enjoy your style of writing.

That being said,

Keep Writing!

Kay