Young Writers Society

Hi! It's quite smart of you to put this poem under the category of Lyric Poetry. I feel that your words and the voice it conveys is more of a song and the part where you used the word ''wading'' reminds of me of a blues song called ''wade in the water''. Anyways, Your poem has a solemn voice and good imagery! Keep up your style!

Wow! This is great! I love this! I'm speechless and in total awe. You said that you're a little rusty, but if this is a little rusty, I'm wondering what un-rusty is. I suggest you keep the two lines all the way through though. The last four lines are wonderful, but it ruined the rhythym. Otherwise, absolutely amazing!

Heyy!

I loved this! They are questions I ask all the time! The imagery was amazing and the flow was good too. I usually don’t care for poems when they don't rhyme, but this was an exception.

I have one suggestion...

I still remember the things #FF0000 ">you've said,
and the ways #FF0000 ">you've moved.-->#0000FF ">maybe instead of you've you could just say you. (This goes for both places.)

First off, I like the poem. It's well written and consistent, but I do have a few minor things to point out:

If you could hear what I was thinking, You don't HAVE to explain, but you might want to add in what EXACTLY you WERE thinking. It seems like you started in the middle of a poem instead of the beginning.
would you change your mind?

Would your heart cease to resist,
and the tension begin to fade?

Can the walls you forced up
tumble to the ground?

Or, is this all in my head
and a game you play?

I still remember the things you've said,
and the ways you've moved.

But when two people are wading in water
and don't see each other,
the only things crossing
are the ripples in the water. You used water twice in this stanza at the end of a line. This kind of throws off the rhythm a bit and doesn't really flow all that well, especially since it's the last stanza. Try using "pond" or "lake" or something like that instead for one of them so that it flows a little better. Just a suggestion of course.

The imagery is pretty good and over all I like it, but it's not very descriptive and leaves a lot to the imagination. If this is what you were going for then great job, but it does frustrate some people and I know a lot of people that would be left thinking "wait, that's it?" If you wanted to accommodate those people, I suggest adding a bit more detail to the story, but again you might have been going for a bit of imagination.

If you could hear what I was thinking,
would you change your mind?

Would your heart cease to resist,
and the tension begin to fade?

Can the walls you forced up
tumble to the ground?

Or, is this all in my head
and a game you play?

I still remember the things you've said,
and the ways you've moved.

But when two people are wading in water
and don't see each other,
the only things crossing
are the ripples in the water.

*I'm really glad you put this under Lyric Poetry because I can really hear it as a song. It expresses your emotions beautifully and there were no grammatical errors. I especially like the passage:
Or, is this all in my head
and a game you play?
Good work.