z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Kintsugi

by adelaide459


Cool porcelain covered with an intricate web woven of cracks.

Each line weaving under and through another like some sort of broken dance.

Small chips and nicks litter the brim, like small canyons and valleys between rolling hills.

Slowly within each flaw, a story unfolds, telling of late-night talks and early morning chills.

.

There's a chip on the rim, just a smidge from the handle.

It has a story inside so quaint and quiet.

One night long ago a woman sat thinking.

She was remembering her past and all the memories of joy.

While contemplating the future and what adventures it might bring.

She sat at a small table alone, her cup cradled sweetly between aged and withered hands.

Slowly sipping a sweet-smelling brew.

Up late that night letting her memories renew.

.

A thin faded crack dances across the side of this cup.

Weaving a tale of a love full of pain.

A cool spring evening, some time ago, a relationship shattered beyond repair.

They stood across from each other, the tabletop feeling live a vast cavern.

Voicing their pain and screaming their fears.

A lonely cup set upon it’s platter when the force of a man's pain caused it to clatter

They stayed there so late,

A once sweet love soured with hate.

.

Each of these chips that scatter the surface,

Every crack the dances between one another.

They may be imperfect and considered a flaw,

But they each tell a story unique and special.

.

Instead of calling them flaws and mistakes,

We should fill them with gold so we remember each story they hold.

There is a beauty in the flaws if your willing to look,

Just watch and listen to each of their tales.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 387
Reviews: 2

Donate
Mon Sep 04, 2023 2:09 am
Honeyrosearts wrote a review...



I adore the connection of Kintsugi and our flaws or what we perceive as "flaws". This is a very lovely poem that you can tell comes from the heart and ties somewhere in your life. I'd suggest though to read more up on punctuation (or lack of) within poems and how you can play with that on how the reader reads the poem. And remember to always proof read! I know distinction between your and you're can be difficult, trust me, my first language isn't English so I get it. A good tip for that is to remember that "your" is possession and "you're" is short for "you are". Otherwise I have no critiques I enjoyed the poem it was lovely!

-Honeyrosearts




User avatar
81 Reviews


Points: 308
Reviews: 81

Donate
Fri Sep 01, 2023 9:16 pm
View Likes
ariah347 wrote a review...



Hey there! First off, I love reviewing poetry and usually review/comment per stanza so I'll be doing that. Before I start, I'm curious about the title. I'm not familiar with what that word means. I'm not sure if it is the name of the woman or has some other impactful meaning that pertains to the story explained in the poem. I would be curious to know.

On to the review: Stanza 1: I vividly saw the porcelain as you described it so well! I like the near rhymes of cracks/dance and the exact rhymes of hills/chills I absolutely love the comparison of the broken porcelain to a canyon!

Stanza 2: Now, both stanzas begin discussing the chips, cracks, and breaks in the cup. Upon further reading, I realize they all refer to that. This is a great way to keep cohesiveness and also reiterate or make known the central focus of a poem. Brilliant! I noticed there are more lines without rhymes (there is a near rhyme with thinking/bring), but it did not deter me from reading. I appreciated that there was a rhyme at the end. The introduction of the woman is nice as it centers back to the cup.

Stanza 3: This stanza is where the relationship is brought in. However, the way it's referenced made me have to reread because at first, I didn't understand the pronoun "they" coming into play. This may be only the way I read and I just missed it. I enjoyed the rhyme that happens in the same line (clatter/platter). The cup analogy is really interesting to compare to a cracked relationship! Beautiful idea!!

Stanza 4: There's no rhymes in this stanza, yet that seems intentional. This stanza focuses on the "chips" in the relationship between the man and woman as well as through the cup.

Stanza 5: I like how you took the analogy and motif of the cracked cup and ended it by thinking that we should see the beauty in the brokenness. I love that message! Your use of the word "your" is incorrect though, not sure if you caught that. "Your" refers to ownership, but you need the "you're" as in "you are." Also, the "a beauty" does not make grammatical sense and should just be "there is beauty." Overall, I really enjoyed this and as I read it, I was transported into your work, which is always the best experience when reading!

Wishing you well wherever you are in the world. With love, A♡




User avatar


Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Tue Aug 29, 2023 10:27 am
VictoriaRae3513 says...



Beautiful story just proof read before you post babe.
Happy writing <3





Maybe what most people wanted wasn't immortality and fame, but the reassurance that their existence had meant something. No matter how long... or how brief. Maybe being eternal meant becoming a story worth telling.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality