Young Writers Society

Mwha! I was wondering whether you were still taking critiques on this!

So, basically, I think most of the descriptions here rely on adjectives, and that kind of bugs me. If you take out all the adjectives and adverbs (try it!) the poem really doesn't make any sense! So try to refine it so that it depends less on adjectives! My grandfather, and English teacher who loves poetry, likes to say, "Nouns and verbs!" and I think he's right!

Also, it does kind of have a sad feel at the end because of the past tense of "love." He loved you, not he loves you. So it's a bit sad!

Anyway, just a couple of thoughts!

thanks everyone!
I've edited some parts there because of your help.

Again, thank you. *bows down*

Hi Yuriiko, CaptianRandom here,

I loved this poem, you are a really good writer, your descriptions, your references and how your wording is spaced also the your poem is good length. I hope to read more of your posts. Keep up the great work.

-CaptianRandom

Awwww that's so sweet! I really like this poem. It's very lovely. Just one thing I want to point out.

It is not how your perfectly-shaped lips
That is gently pressed against mine,

Yuriiko, you continue to amaze me with your wonderful poetry! How? How can you think of these? They are simply wonderful! I wish I can just cuddle all these poems into one in my arms-they make me feel happy inside, something I haven't felt for so long. This is by far one of my favourite poems! Everything is basically in perfect balance-great description and word choice! The only thing I have a little problem with is that each stanza isn't the same length which I'm not used to. Other than that, all I can say is: Thank you. Thank you for making my day that little bit brighter.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

Hey yuri!! My corrections will be in pink!

yuriiko12345 wrote:The Best Thing about You

As I looked upon your angelic face,
I could be in heaven now.
The way you touched and picked up the roses #FF00FF ">> nice description! how did he pick up the roses?
With your soft hands and graceful poses #FF00FF ">> poses? What poses? I know it rhymes, but still!
I know I could never ask for anything now.

It is not your fair complexion
Nor your sweetest smile
Not even how you dress nice
That can make me go for miles#FF00FF "> >awwww!

It is not how your perfectly-shaped lips
That is gently pressed against mine,#FF00FF ">> I liked these two lines. very sweet!
It is not even your soft, fair-skinned hands
And mine that mutually links #FF00FF ">> I dont think this fits....
That without loving you, I could die… #FF00FF ">> very sad!!

You want to know the best thing about you?

……


…Is that you LOVED me too… #FF00FF ">> do you mean because you loved me? Oh well! Its still romantic
> nice ending too!


By: yuriiko12345

thank you bmat and Quetseli!! it's not a sad ending though....

Love, Love, Love the rose part.
It was very interesting, keep up the good work!

xoxo,
blake!

Aw. I's lovely. It sounds like it has a sad ending to it though, if I'm thinking correct. But I think is a sweet poem written to a once loved one.