z

Young Writers Society


12+

Lost souls

by Youbeaucupid


Odette lay still, surrounded by darkness. She felt weightless, as if floating in a vast, empty void. Fragments of memories drifted through her mind like scattered puzzle pieces. She remembered laughter, sunlight filtering through leaves, and the comforting warmth of her mother's embrace. But now, there was only silence.

She tried to move, to call out for her parents, but her limbs felt heavy and unresponsive. Panic began to rise within her like a tide, threatening to overwhelm her fragile consciousness.

Then, suddenly, a faint glimmer of light pierced the darkness. It beckoned to her like a distant star, drawing her towards it with a pull she couldn't resist. As she drifted closer, the light grew brighter until it enveloped her completely.

When Odette opened her eyes, she found herself in a strange place. It was a room filled with people dressed in black, their faces drawn and sorrowful. She looked down at herself and realized she too was wearing black, a dress she didn't recognize draped over her small frame.

Confusion clouded her mind as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. Where was she? And why did everyone look so sad?

Then, as if on cue, a hush fell over the room, and Odette's gaze was drawn to the front where a small, white casket lay surrounded by flowers. It took her a moment to comprehend what she was seeing, but when she did, a wave of disbelief crashed over her.

"No," she whispered, her voice barely audible even to her own ears. "No, it can't be..."

But the truth was undeniable. She was looking at her own funeral.

A flood of emotions washed over Odette, each one more overwhelming than the last. She felt a crushing sense of loss, a deep ache in her chest that threatened to consume her whole. How could this be happening? How could she be lying there, lifeless and still? Yet here she was, standing beside her own body, feeling more alive than ever before?

She wanted to scream, to reach out and shake her parents and tell them she was here, that she was okay. But try as she might, she couldn't make a sound. It was as if she were trapped in a nightmare, unable to wake up no matter how hard she tried.

As the service went on, Odette watched in silence as people approached her casket one by one, their faces etched with grief. She recognized some of them – family friends, neighbors, classmates – but they all seemed so distant, as if they were viewing her from behind a thick pane of glass.

Her parents stood at the front of the room, their eyes red-rimmed with tears. Odette longed to comfort them, to tell them she was still with them, but her words remained trapped in her throat.

And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, the service was over. The mourners filed out of the room, leaving Odette alone with her thoughts. She watched as her parents approached her casket, their movements slow and heavy with sorrow.

Her mother reached out a trembling hand and brushed a lock of her Auburn hair away from Odette's face. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I wish you were here with us. I wish we could have had more time together."

Odette felt a fresh wave of anguish wash over her as she listened to her mother's words. She wanted to reach out and comfort her, to tell her how much she loved her, but the words remained a silent whisper within her.

Unable to bear the weight of her grief any longer, Odette curled up on the floor beside her casket, clutching her stuffed bunny tightly to her chest. Tears streamed down her face, silent and unseen by those around her.

In that moment, she felt more alone than she had ever felt in her short life. She longed to be reunited with her family, to feel their warmth and love once again. But she knew that could never be. She was trapped in this strange, silent world, condemned to watch as her loved ones mourned her passing.

As Odette lay curled up on the floor, her tears soaking into the carpet, she heard a faint sound echoing through the darkness. Startled, she lifted her head and looked around, trying to discern where it was coming from. The room was empty, save for her and the silent casket that held her lifeless body.

Then, from the shadows, a figure emerged. Tall and cloaked in darkness, he seemed to materialize out of thin air. Odette's breath caught in her throat as she watched him approach, his presence casting a chill over the room.

But as he drew nearer, she saw something unexpected in his eyes – kindness. It was a warmth that seemed out of place in the cold darkness that surrounded them, a flicker of light in the depths of despair.

"Hello, little one," the figure said softly, his voice gentle and soothing. "You need not be afraid of me."

Odette blinked in surprise, her fear giving way to curiosity. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

The figure bowed his head slightly, his cloak billowing around him like the wings of a great bird. "I am known by many names," he said, his voice low and melodious. "But you may call me Death."

Odette's heart skipped a beat at the mention of the name, but there was no malice in the figure's voice, only sadness and compassion. She found herself drawn to him, inexplicably comforted by his presence.

"Why are you here?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

Death knelt beside her, his face hidden beneath the shadow of his hood. "I have come to guide you, little one," he said, his voice soft as a whisper. "To lead you to a place where you will find peace."

Odette's eyes widened in wonder. "Where are we going?" she asked, her voice filled with longing.

"To the realm beyond," Death replied, his voice tinged with sorrow. "To a place where pain and sorrow cannot reach you."

With a gentle touch, Death reached out and took Odette's hand in his own. Instantly, she felt a sense of warmth and comfort wash over her, as if she were being enveloped in a protective embrace.

As they began to walk, Odette noticed something strange. Little souls of different creatures followed Death around, swirling like ethereal companions around his form. A small puppy trotted happily at his side, while tiny birds flitted around his shoulders. It was as if they were drawn to him, finding solace and companionship in his presence.

Together, they rose from the floor and began to drift towards the heavens, leaving the darkness of the mortal world behind. As they ascended, Odette felt a sense of peace settle over her, a feeling of belonging that she had never known in life.

When they reached the gates of heaven, they were met by a host of angels, their wings shimmering in the golden light. They surrounded Odette with love and warmth, guiding her gently into the realm beyond.

As she stepped through the gates, Odette's breath caught in her throat at the sight that greeted her. The heavens stretched out before her in a breathtaking panorama of beauty and light. Golden rays bathed the landscape in a warm glow, casting long shadows that danced across the lush fields and crystal-clear streams.

Odette felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes as she took in the sight. It was more beautiful than anything she had ever imagined, a paradise beyond her wildest dreams.

As she walked further into the heavenly realm, she felt a gentle warmth wash over her face. Looking up, she saw that the golden light was casting a soft shadow across her face, making her freckles stand out like tiny constellations against her skin.

She smiled, feeling a sense of joy and wonder bubbling up inside her. She was home at last, surrounded by beauty and light, free from the pain and sorrow of the world she had left behind.

And though she would always carry the memories of her life with her, she knew that she was finally at peace, forever cradled in the arms of love.


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34 Reviews


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Sat Feb 24, 2024 10:25 am
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Coffeewriter wrote a review...



Coffee here!
First of all, WOW. I’ve decided, I lovee ALL of your stories every single one. This is amazing!! I love how Death is portrayed exactly as I pictured him: gentle, warm but sad. A forever lonely deity destined to love and protect others but never getting love himself. This in particular reminds of me of these YouTuber’s comics(I love them, I’ve cried once or twice watching these-heh):Jenny Jinya. She writes short stories to raise awareness and funds for mostly animals but sometimes she draws about children and adults passing on too! I love her stories and yours too. This is incredibly beautiful too-especially since it’s written and you’ve captured so many sad, heartbreaking scenes amazingly well. You really made the reader FEEL for Odette and long for her to be alive as much as she wanted to be. Then, just by saying:
‘ But as he drew nearer, she saw something unexpected in his eyes – kindness. It was a warmth that seemed out of place in the cold darkness that surrounded them, a flicker of light in the depths of despair.’
You show the reader that Death cares for this little girl he doesn’t have any bond or memories with, he understands her pain and wants to free her from it. Just by holding her hand, he provides her comfort and a sense that everything will be alright. But then, I felt sad for Death as he has to guide souls to freedom and love and whilst that’s a wonderful job to have, essentially he takes away their right to grieve and mourn for their loved ones as you mentioned ‘his voice tinged with sorrow. "To a place where pain and sorrow cannot reach you."’ He leaves the parents and all her acquaintances made over her life to mourn alone-a heartbreaking reality. Overall, ♾️/♾️ as usual!! Keep working amazingly well Cupid!💘




Youbeaucupid says...


ACK! My eyes this morning can't keep up with words. Thank you for reading my story! I so glad you liked it, also with dead that's the exact portrayal I was going for!! (I also love watching those comics, although it might not be the one you're talking about 0.0)



Coffeewriter says...


Hahaha, yay! It might be the same since I think that author has a very particular style and she%u2019s the only one who does comics like those I think!



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Fri Feb 16, 2024 4:27 pm
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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review this short story using my Familiar method! It's pretty much just the YWS'mores method, but with the style of a fantasy-horror writer. Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

What an incredible and powerful story, from start to finish! From the moment of intense loneliness, and somber realization as Odette comes to see where she is, to the somewhat ironic change of tone with the manifestation of Death, and finally a more heartwarming ending as we step into Paradise, to balance the grim nature of the story. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

I could spy no obvious typos or the like, nor would I have any recommendations to make for the content. This story is incredible, and very well-written! One very, very minor thing that stuck out to me a bit here:

Her mother reached out a trembling hand and brushed a lock of her Auburn hair away from Odette's face.


Powerful moment, nicely narrated, although I don't think "auburn" as a color is meant to be capitalized. Like I said, though, that's a very minor detail and it hardly detracts from the story.

And of course, I am no professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt ~

Why The Grin Widened...

You've made a challenge for me, to pick my favorite part of this!

Okay, one thing I have to remark upon that I can see throughout the whole piece is how you capture the mood and the complex emotions coming from Odette. Especially during the funeral. Something about the way you described a crushing sense of loss by the girl seeing her own casket just gave me goosebumps. Honestly, if I read these moments in a book, I would have no doubt that it's a professional piece; incredibly done, there.

The second thing, that I could probably single out as my favorite element if I had to, would be the characterization of Death. It felt very unique; most times, when Death or an equivalent entity appears in books, he's described as cold and lonely. Instead, you show a sense of relief and almost paternal guidance as he takes Odette away from the funeral. And this, of course, stood out the most in that sense:

Little souls of different creatures followed Death around, swirling like ethereal companions around his form. A small puppy trotted happily at his side, while tiny birds flitted around his shoulders. It was as if they were drawn to him, finding solace and companionship in his presence.


The contrast of Death itself with the sense of life provided by fauna is like a Yin-Yang description; a balance, or a door perhaps, between the end of life and the beginning of another. At least, that's how I interpreted it, maybe I'm off.

And the final moment I could remark on, of course, is your conclusion:

She smiled, feeling a sense of joy and wonder bubbling up inside her. She was home at last, surrounded by beauty and light, free from the pain and sorrow of the world she had left behind.

And though she would always carry the memories of her life with her, she knew that she was finally at peace, forever cradled in the arms of love.


The knowledge of Odette leaving her prematurely-ended life behind, whether it was a life harder than normal or normally hard, in place of true paradise and a life of *no* struggle. Not only did it read as a great comfort to the girl, but it gave the reader a sense of comfort after such a tragic opening. Perfect balance and contrast. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my ironic philosophy that it's very hard to create a sad or tragic story without an element of happiness.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, like I said, this was an incredible and powerful story, and you displayed a lot of skill in your writing. Nicely done! :)

Image




Youbeaucupid says...


Thank you, Rav, for the review! It's always a pleasure to see your comments in my review section. Reading your reviews is always enjoyable! I'm pleased that you enjoyed my story.

And thank you for catching the capitalization mistake%u2014I appreciate your attention to detail! Your feedback means a lot to me, and I'm thankful for the time and effort you put into analyzing my work. Have a fantastic day, Rav! <33



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Wed Feb 14, 2024 11:18 pm
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Cozmo2024 wrote a review...



Hello! Cozmo here to give you a short and sweet review!
To start off: I am really amazed by your short story and the story telling. I'm impressed by the flow of the story, how it can go along well but it doesn't feel too too rushed.
I especially love the character Death in this short story. I loved how you made him a kind and gentle character rather than how most of us would see him as intimidating and terrifying.
I really like the lines: "Odette's eyes widened in wonder. "Where are we going?" she asked, her voice filled with longing.

"To the realm beyond," Death replied, his voice tinged with sorrow. "To a place where pain and sorrow cannot reach you."

With a gentle touch, Death reached out and took Odette's hand in his own. Instantly, she felt a sense of warmth and comfort wash over her, as if she were being enveloped in a protective embrace."

I think this is a really awesome example of how you characterized Death, and I also love him and Odette's wholesome interaction.
One thing I would mention is to maybe add some more descriptions to how Odette is feeling during the funeral. While I did like the flow of the story, I did think the funeral was a little rushed. I think that could be used as a good opportunity to show how Odette is feeling when seeing some of her friends/family members.

Overall I think this story is very good and I love how it goes from a very tragic emotion to bittersweet at the end when she arrives in the Afterlife.

Awesome work! Keep writing!
- Cozmo :)




Youbeaucupid says...


Hey Cozmo!

Wow, thank you so much for the fantastic review! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story and found the character of Death compelling. It means a lot to me that you appreciated the pacing and the emotional journey of the characters.

Your feedback about adding more descriptions to Odette's feelings during the funeral is spot on, and I'll definitely keep that in mind for future edits.

I'm really glad you liked the transition from tragedy to bittersweetness%u2014it's always a challenge to strike the right emotional balance, so I'm happy it resonated with you.

Thanks again for your thoughtful review and encouragement. Your support means the world to me, and I'll definitely keep writing!




You are going to love some of your characters because they are you, or some facet of you, and you are going to hate some characters for the same reason.
— Anne Lamott