I enjoyed reading this alot. But the rythum seemed a little off in some places. But other then that it was fantastic!
Always the bad one,
Always wrong never right,
Trapped in this society,
So close to the edge of all reason.
And you push me,
More and more,
I feel the coldness of death upon my skin,
Screaming out to me.
Get me out of these chains,
Free me from this guilt this pain,
Why am I made to watch these memories?
The button stuck on repeat.
We only want to love to be happy,
Clawing away at my skin,
Trying to find an escape an answer,
Why am I here?
One last breath,
The i's dotted,
Upon the letter of questions,
Never to see your sweet face again.
But your sweet eyes will never leave me.
I enjoyed reading this alot. But the rythum seemed a little off in some places. But other then that it was fantastic!
get me out of these chains
free me from this guilt this pain
Why am I made to watch these memories?
the button stuck on repeat
this is also quite a strong verse - you seem
to like the image of chains a lot!
The i's dotted
upon the letter of questions
i really enjoyed this poem! so yeah.. heres
what i think...
Always the bad one
always wrong never right
trapped in this society
so close to the edge of all reason
i love the way this poem starts... it seems
quite powerful and lets out emotion...
get me out of these chains
free me from this guilt this pain
Why am I made to watch these memories?
the button stuck on repeat
this is also quite a strong verse - you seem
to like the image of chains a lot!
The i's dotted
upon the letter of questions
dont really understand this part but i'll prob
work it out... any help here people?
again the only thing i can recommend is more
punctuation...
there are some parts where you could have
used a couple more commas, full stops, etc...
keep writin!
~KayJuran~
I like how the poem kind of jumps between metaphors and such but keeps the same theme. And I'm not sure what I think about the last line. I kind of like it, but I think revision could probably make it better...
I enjoyed this.
Apart from what the guys above have said, I actually disliked the last line, as I thought it was weak and could do with revision.
I really liked this as well. The last line brings everything together really well, and the first and third stanzas are especially well done (the first stanza really grabs the attention of the reader). Only a couple things... "trapped" is misspelled in the third line and I kinda think that I should be i in:
The I's dotted
So that you bring attention to the dotted part.
Overall, really well done. I liked it.
i really like this...especially the last line...it was really fitting and ended the poem well. however, the title of the poem didn't seem to fit with the poem itself. anyway, great poem!
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