Young Writers Society

I really like this.
The good:\
You use you're words sparingly , like every one was chosen special, it makes the work feel sacred and special.
A lot of the adjectives here are a bit foreign to me, it really important to use different types of language.
The overall work feels crisp and strong
the bad:
It does not flow very well, putting a single word on some lines makes it choppy
You might want to describe this persons personality more, rather than her looks, it makes the love feel more real.
You could put this into a short story if you wanted to .
Beside some things this is a great piece,
Keep writing like you mean it

Vera

Meh. I wasn't thrilled with this piece to any reasonable extent. It falls into the class of mediocricity. "Solarflares" was an excellent demonstration of syntax and gave me an image, or rather, a feeling of what was going on. Other than that one word, I can't say much else about it.

"Milky wayness" was extremely cheesy and "wayness" didn't fit into the poem at all. Or, perhaps my expectations were up after coming across solarflares. I disliked the "!" in the "I Proclaim!" line. And I wasn't sure of what you meant by "Softness or black silk." It doesn't make much sense because the word before it was "hair." Perhaps "or" was supposed to be of? Just a gander.

Anyway, I'm not a fan.

Like I said before, I just loved it. The style was really original, well, not seen very often is a good way to put it, its nice to see a different style. It was just really good.

Oh Grimm...you know I love your stuff. This is no exception. I really enjoyed the ethereal feel of this work. The tone reflects the idea of drifting in space very accurately. Yay!

Nitpicks:

I traveled down the
interstellar highway. .....(please, no punctuation in this, it destroys the floaty feel)
I wanted to see you
on the other side.
You with hips like
planets,
and eyes like starstuff...(LOVE 'starstuff)
radiant with green...(green is all right, but I'd like to see a stronger choice of word here)
fire.
Solarflares of red hair
Softness or black silk....(I'm not sure I understand this line. Clothing, perhaps? Its a bit vague)
The milky wayness
of your
skin.....(hooray for china-doll skin!)
There is no sound
in space,
but my silence screams....(I had to re-read this several times before I understood. I wonder if there is a way to clear up the syntax here without losing too much meaning...)
I have no voice
but I proclaim!....(This is the only punctuation that should be in this poem. *nods* yes.)
In the universe
there is one
there are two
there is one.....(I'm not sure what you were going for with the repetition. Its not bad...but it disrupts the overall dreamlike quality of the piece, which you really should strive towards)
love.

I love this poem- there are soem great images in there.

I traveled down the
interstellar highway.
I wanted to see you
on the other side.
You with hips like
planets,
and eyes like starstuff
radiant with green
fire.

Beautiful. I love the word 'starstuff'.

Solarflares of red hair
Softness or black silk
The milky wayness
of your
skin.

Again, beautiful. Particularly 'the milky wayness'.

There is no sound
in space,
but my silence screams.
I have no voice
but I proclaim!
In the universe
there is one
there are two
there is one
love

It took me a couple of readings and some concentration but I do understand the ending and I like the way its obscure, especially as the rest of the poem seems so clear. A great little piece. I love it.

i like you style as well. it is refreshing to read something in a different style, and i like your last few lines.

In the universe
there is one
there are two
there is one
love.

Very interesting, I liked the whole style of it and could kind of understand what it was saying. I loved seeing a different style (FINALLY!), though I didnt really understand the last line. Overall the whole flowing was really good and it seemed more like a really fast song than a poem...which is good, by the way.

i thought it was interesting but i didn't completely understand the ending.

I like your style of poetry, because it allows the piece to be read easily, without stops and starts, like one sentence of writing. As far as any suggestions I can give, which I assume is what you would like, nothing much comes to mind. It's very good