Young Writers Society

This is really good so far. I'm not much of a reviewer of this kind of poetry, but I do think you could add emphasis by changing the line "I wish I were beautiful" each time. This way you could have each line mean the same thing, but something slightly different to reflect each verse, too. (like "I wish I *were* beautiful--" or "I wish I were beautiful!" See how its the same thing, but different too? This way it doesn't sound too repetitive).

I actually really liked this! Initially reading it, I was a tad shaky on the repetition of "I wish I was beautiful." However, in the end, it really drove the point across. I loved you message. It actually seemed like you had two. One was that you wanted to conform so societal aesthetic expectations. Another was that you were poking fun at the people who did. Overall, it was painful and bitter- but also rang very true.

You have some real talent! I hope to see more from you in the future! Keep writing.

-Tori

I wish I was beautiful-- *were
Passionate words rolling from my lips like venom, Words =/= beauty
Cheeks smoothed with blush.

A smile plastered to my face,
Contorted and wretched. nice imagery, though i don't know if these two words really go together

I wish I werebeautiful--
Love pouring from my soul, seeping from my hands like pools of maroon,
My soul ripped from me. you used 'soul' twice too closely. Don't make a simile with something that isn't easily imaginable or at least a real object, etc.

The illusion of carelessness shattered,
Weak and afraid. great stanza

I wish I were beautiful--
Curves like ocean water trickling down my hips,
My lips smooth and fine.

My fingers crossed behind my back,
Hopeful and ugly. 'ugly' isn't the right word, use a synonym

I wish I were beautiful--
Words like acid falling like rain causing destruction, you used 'like' too close together
Tight clothes; painted nails.

A smile plastered to my face. I think you should have a stronger ending and not just repeat a stanza
Contorted and wretched.

The imagery here was really beautiful, great work

Ok, animekaratepup. Thanks for the review, firstly. And I'll definitely take your advice on this one. I'll have to admit that grammar and punctuation is my weak point. So thank you vera much and I'll get on that. Also, I usually allow my poems to interpreted as the reader wills it to be. But in this case, I'll make an exception. When I wrote this poem, I was really upset about how I've been viewed in the past. People write you off if you're not like them where I'm from. So basically, it's about who people want me to be, and what I sometimes feel like I should be...

I don't really understand this poem.

The latter part of each stanza--"Passionate words rolling from my lips like venom"--is that describing the beauty "you" wish to have, or is it describing the you that is "ugly"? I couldn't really tell.

Also, you overuse the period. Use commas and hyphens--the period is. when. you. come. to. a. complete. stop.

The comma, is when, you pause, and take a breath, before continuing.

The hyphen--that is for emphasis--you stop--sometimes longer than a period--this sentence is annoying me. Anyway, sometimes it should be used instead of a period. Maybe..... "I wish I was beautiful--" Like that.

There is also the semicolon and the colon, but I'm not such a big fan of those. (Doesn't mean they shouldn't be used, just means I'm not the best person to talk about them.)

I love your imagery, and overall this has a feeling of haunted beauty.

Awwws that made me sad! Still it was great tylyn and hope to see more from you ^^ if you want you can review my story Violet Saga, hopefully my corrections on it has made it better. Hope you do well here tylyn!! We are here to help lols. Good luck and Happy Writing!!
Soulkana<3