Young Writers Society

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

(GREETING & INTRODUCTION)

Hi friend! Ellie here for a review this fine morning! I was browsing through some old poetry and stumbled upon this gem! Lets jump right into it:

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
(CONTENT - my impressions / interpretation)

This poem uses angels and gargoyles to depict beauty standards, on both sides of the spectrum. Angels represent beauty and purity, while the gargoyles represent ugliness. The gargoyles are seen as these grotesque creatures who are almost demonized. The angels are placed on high pedestals.

Your poem opens with an amazing line, "My mind is a prisoner behind these eyes,". To me, this suggests the feelings that the narrator has of feeling trapped, representing how they feel constrained by the judgements and beauty standards of society, because of their physical appearance they see.

This poem beautifully explains how the gargoyles, or narrator, were created with the purpose of protecting the divine. What's interesting to me is how traditionally, gargoyles were placed on churches to wade off evil spirits. This almost seems symbolic to me, as if the gargoyles are these people who exist only to elevate the angels. the angels being those loved and accepted as beautiful in society. It seems like these gargoyle actually play an instrumental role in protection. To me, this seems symbolic of their hidden nature that they have inside, their true divinity and purpose.

I connected to this poem a lot, because it seems to speak of the feeling of being destined to a fate that you feel like you do not want. because of your outward appearance, your gender, or social standing, you are constrained to a life that you dont deserve. or judgement, hatred, or contention.

your closing line struck me really hard, "if they could only see straight into my soul," wow, that is powerful! We really could see so much more if we could see how others truly felt.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
(CONTENT - include specific suggestions)

Your poetry is truly yours and you dont need to change anything about it. If i were to critique, I would reccommend more imagery and description of physical aspects. what do the angels look like? what about the gargoyles?

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
(CONTENT - include specific praises)

I would have to say that the highlight of this piece was how it made me feel. I connected to it very deeply. I love poetry for this very reason. Though we may live in a world of gargoyles and angels, poetry can take us to a place where we can see the true divinity in our own souls, as well as the feelings of others. Thank you for writing this! Please dont stop <3

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
(CONTENT & SIGN-OFF)

This was beautiful! I cant wait to read more. Take care!

Sincerely,
Ellie Mae

Wow! I'm the kind of guy who loves a creature with a good heart and monstrous appearance.

I've always believed that we judge too much on appearances and your poem illustrates that very well. I really enjoyed this and was able to sympathize with the perspective you showed.
I especially loved your last line about how they wouldn't care about their appearance if only others would see them as they truly were.

Now for a few constructive critiques, the only real critique I could think of was that your poem had a very good rhythm but the line "My face carved to frighten demons as they climb" seemed a bit off beat. The rhythm might be improved if you used something like "My face carved to frighten demons who climb"
That was all though, take or leave it. This poem was great regardless.

Overall you created a beautiful piece about judging by appearances I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Hey there! First off, this was AMAZING. I am a sucker for poems that rhyme and have a nice flow. This fits those perfectly. Your choice of rhymes specifically veered off of the typical in my eyes. Eyes, criticized, sky, and demonized all fit together well. The same goes for the second stanza (divine, climb, shrine, design). The last one as well (beauty, duty). I like how the last two lines do not directly rhyme but hit the point of this home. Poetry is my favorite to read and write, and this has me very excited, which is nice!

That said, I typically review poetry stanza by stanza if there is a particular format like that or if it has stanzas. So, let me start with the first. I relate to this stanza. The fact that the mind is a jail, and there are "angels" or people who we may hold to a high standard receiving positive words, and we are left not feeling like we get that same treatment. The comparison of those who may be "perfect" or "better" being compared to angels while those who have "flaws" and struggles are demons is interesting. When we think of angels or figures like that, I particularly envision a heavenly-looking person or entity with a glow and wings. They are holy and beautiful. On the contrary, a demon or gargoyle is typically ugly, haunting, spooky, and evokes a sense of eeriness. These being then turned into thoughts about beauty standards, and meeting them is really profound! Onto the second stanza! Adding the element of God adds to the theme. This stanza really had me visualizing and thinking about what the overall message here is. The last stanza added another element in regards to what we see in the soul then. A lot of religions mention that the body is a temple and holy. It is designed after God's image, and the second stanza hints at that, but then, in the first, the narrator is seen as grotesque and demonized. Yet, the last leaves us with burdens, even if there is an angelic nature. The last line, "if they could only see straight into my soul," makes me wonder if the narrator is like "God" or a demon. Are there more angelic aspects or gargoyle? If this was the point, then you hit it brilliantly. I really am left wondering without answers. Overall, I enjoyed reading and thinking about this. Wishing you well wherever you are in the world!!