Young Writers Society

Hello!
VioletFantasy here to review this very powerful poem. I think you did a wonderful job! I love all of the imagery you used, especially in this stanza:

“Come.
Steal away my agony and pain.
Bear me to a place fair to look upon
And leave me there to the glowing starlight.
Leave me to the butterflies that float upon the caressing breezes.
Leave me to the jewel of a sun,
Lying majestically on its blue cushion of silk.”

The imagery is absolutely beautiful. It shows a person longing for something that they don’t have, but could have with the help of someone else.

Also, I wanted to mention how you turn the imagery around in the second half of the poem. It is suddenly talking about how the joy in everything has faded away. I think this is very clever!

“ The sun holds no more joy;
I no longer welcome its bright enchantments.
The butterflies lie still.
I can see no more. ”

I only found one thing that I thought was a little odd. It is in this stanza:
“
Go.
Die.
Go from the world,
Don’t look back:
There is no one there for you.
How dare you imprison me in this living Hell?
I am a prisoner of my
Thoughts,
Actions,
Dreams.”

Thoughts, actions, and dreams are all capitalised. To stay true to the structure of your poem, I would suggest not making them capitalised. You don’t have to change it, though. It still is really good as is.

Overall, I thought this was awesome! Great job. Keep writing!!

I don't have anything I don't like in this poem honestly!

This poem was absolutely phenomenal. It was disconjointed (is that a word?) is some places but this part doesn't need to be changed at all:
"But you will not come to me,
Won’t leave your past life.
I live only in your dreams.
In life,
I fade. "
That right there is just way too beautiful.
Good work overall.

Overall, I liked it. I liked the description (I'm afraid of description so that's a rare thing for me to say).

I am a prisoner of my
Thoughts,
Actions,
Dreams.