Hey there, Silent! Told you I was coming for you, didn’t I?
First off, always try and do even a quick bit of editing. It looks bad on your part if you don’t edit at all and even worse if you just come on out and say that you didn’t review it. For a reviewer, it can seem like you don’t really care much about the piece you’ve just written.
Thankfully, there weren’t too many nitpicks that stood out too badly but there were three that really caught my eye.
Finding a new love to hold her hand?
“Finding” should be “found.” It’s all about using the right tense to match the lines above it, you know!
With out the arms of my love,
“With out” should be one word: “Without.”
I will surly float away into deep space,
No gravity to land me home.
“surly” should be “surely.”
“land” feels like a very uncomfortable word here.
Overall, there are a lot of places where you could improve. Right now, you have a lovely idea, making your writing into your metaphorical lover.
But it seems a little unfocused. You’re close but there are a few places where your idea seems to stray, especially the second paragraph.
Another thing that I wanted to mention is the use of questions. They really do seem poetic (I do it a lot myself) but sometimes, if you don’t provide answers, then they seem like just poetic nonsense. And that wouldn’t make much sense now would it.
As far as title ideas go:
Without Words
Inkless, Heartbroken
The Gravity of Your Words
Anyways, I hope I was at least a little help! If you have any questions, just ask me!
~lilymoore
Good luck with byour writing and I really hope to see this featured and to read more of your work. xxxxxxxxMatt
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