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Young Writers Society



death by sunsets and stars

by Quillfeather, EllieMae


Full text version:

Life without you feels like I am dying.

Death would be far sweeter, but then would I be another disappointment?

Who am I to ask this question?

Have I not already drowned you in the ocean of my shortcomings?

And isn't your judgment really the air I breathe?

Breathing feels much harder then drowning

(and apparently drowning only hurts until you stop fighting

and you were my reason to stop fighting.)

Maybe I wasn't drowning, but flying too close to the sun

blinded by your love so much I couldn't tell it was never really there

I thought that your beating heart was necessary for my lungs to breath,

but really, the absence of you is what gave me the power

to land among the stars, finding peace in darkness.

In the dark when i cannot see my flaws is when i feel the safest

like how you could never admit you were less then perfect

maybe we really are the same, maybe I inflicted my own pain

and so i say again, life without you feels like i am dying,

but maybe death is all i need to learn to love myself.

are you ready to live?

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229 Reviews

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Reviews: 229

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Wed Apr 17, 2024 9:22 am
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Omg, @Quillfeather and @EllieMae made a poem together. Nice cover art too! This AkuRashomon giving a comment/review.

Maybe I wasn't drowning, but flying too close to the sun

blinded by your love so much I couldn't tell it was never really there


Who wrote this line and why is it so good? I love the fact that the lines are separate to know who's who. Although, may I know which one is the one in blue and the one in green? That is really sad though. If it is based in real life, I hope you guys are doing okay. Thank you for sharing a masterpiece together. I would love to see more collaborations!

- AkuRashomon




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35 Reviews

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Sat Apr 13, 2024 3:36 am
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Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello Hello, I am back with a review I hope you don't mind. I feel this might be a bit of a shorter one as I feel there's not much to go over. However do not take that as me disliking it, As it is a very good read and I always find how authors/poets tackling these themes interesting.

I do like the imagery of the Drowning and the nod to Icarcus, I just wish it would have been pushed further. The two can work well together as he did fall into after his wings burnt off. Although I can't think of exact lines perhaps lines like It's hard to breathe when your words coat my throat with melted wax, or even detailing how they struggle in the water.

On a smaller note, there are a few lines that dont have the I's capitalized I would recommend capitalizing them just to keep it in style with the others.

Overall this is a good poem keep creating and take care of yourself!





Moo.
— Cow