Young Writers Society

Hmm...Nice piece there!!
You've got some pretty informative reviews already, so I don't really have much to add. I'm gonna say all that they said.
The randomness of the story is, of course as you planned it, the beauty of the story. No introduction to the character, the relationships to the other elements in the story, no prologue or aftermath, it does lend a sort of a "gone before you know it" quality to any creative work. Kinda like fast-food!! But it comes with its drawbacks too, as the other reviewers mentioned. It does not allow the reader to go deep into the character, and judge their actions apropos to the situation. We don't know her motives or how she's going to react either. It does leave the reader in the dark, but that's short story for you. But perhaps you could have added a few details about the situation there? Like why she came home to the bloodshed. That would lend some insight to her position. Nice portrayal of her thoughts as to what she should do next. That part really let the reader delve into the character's mind.
Enough said! Nice, short, yet interesting story. Leaves the audience hungry for more!!
Looking forward to your other stories...

Hey Pokemonbragirl

Nice name! lol

Next to her feet a basket woven from her mother's hand rested, its content flowing over the edge. - This is a bit of a random note but the first time I read this sentence I thought you meant that the basket was made from her mother's hand. Like it was some random hand basket. Maybe it would be better if you put 'by' her mother's hand. Unless you meant a hand basket of course.

Tears raced across her cheek. - I feel like raced might be the wrong word here. It conjures images of tears like driving down cheeks or something. So maybe think of another would you could use here.

Fingers dipped in blood, she drew across the corase wood that was her eating place. - I think you meant 'coarse' and not 'corase'

Throwing their lives away, it had been something she would never understood. - I think it needs to be 'understand'

I agree with Octave that the name Darcy is a tricky one to pull off because it's such a famous character name. While I was reading it a lot of the time the name Darcy conjured up the name of the famous character rather than your character, which is problematic.

I kind of liked Darcy's thought processes towards the end, how she was thinking about revenge for the lives of a family. However I found the beginning a little confusing sometimes, maybe it was because I was trying to put the pieces together to figure out what was going on and by the time I did that it was the end.

I feel like this should be the beginning of a longer novel. It just has that kind of feeling like this story isn't really over and there is going to be a longer story and a longer struggle for the character. I think it could be interesting if you took this story further.

What I would say is that although it's a distressing piece, I'm not really feeling that because I don't have a connection to the character. Yes it's sad but I don't completely feel that because I am introduced to the character so suddenly and I am so busy trying to figure out what's going on that I miss the emotion of the piece. So maybe think about extending the piece or finding a way that you can pull the reader in to be more involved in the emotion.

I hope that helped! Feel free to PM me if you have questions

Bex x

Hi there! ^^ I'm Octave, and I'm here to review your work.

Judging from the format of this, I'm going to go ahead and assume the paragraphing is intentional and this piece is supposed to be experimental.

First of all, be sure of your name choice. Darcy is an iconic name. You are going to have to work very hard to scrub the implications of that name away from your main character. It's almost akin to naming your character Hannibal, or Edward (in modern senses). There's a very famous character named Darcy, and so it will be difficult for you to upstage the original Darcy.

Also, there are a lot of fragments disguised as sentences here. I can understand a few for the sake of flow, but everything here is jarring because of the fragments. It's as if you don't really know they're fragments, the way they sound. Try to smooth out a few.

Lastly, there was emotion in this piece. Some, anyway. I could feel the beginnings of it, but it wasn't really strong enough to catch me and break my heart, or inspire me. It tugged at my heart a bit, but I'm afraid that's the only reaction it elicited from my side of things. Try a little harder to make my heart break. I want you to make me bawl. Describe things, show me memories, and turn the bodies into people. Right now, they might as well be mannequins lying on the floor. Humanize them for me, and then when I finally feel close to them, tear them away (and take my arm with you).

Anyway, that's all I really have to say on this piece for now, because characterization is pretty decent from the few words you used. You managed to build some character (although admittedly it felt a little cardboard-cutout-y, but again, experimental fiction, few words, blablabla~). You could squeeze in a bit more, I think, without entirely killing your piece, but it's your choice.

I hope this review helped. PM me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Octave

I really liked that
I loved the way you described things so vivid; I could picture it perfectly in my mind.
One thing I'd like to point out though.

They weren't throwing their lives away. They were sacrificing them to save somebody else's family.