I really love this especially showing how truth is in death cause the truth is everything dies. I however would have liked if you didn't focus so much on how truth can be negative cause every good has it's bad. But really do love this.
I’m going to tell you a story about truth. The truth is ugly and bad. It’s sad and disappointing. Sometimes people can’t say the truth. Sometimes the truth is too bad and sad to be heard to be heard by other people. Not because they are cowards, but because the truth is so terrifying. It will make others sad. And those people, whose truth is all about don’t want that to happen. Sometimes the truth is a person crying until she falls asleep. Sometimes a lie is happiness. But the person who keeps the truth for herself is underestimating herself. Sometimes this person wants to scream. Sometimes the emotions are trapped, ready to explode. And if she is afraid to say it out loud, she puts it on paper. Sometimes people pour down their soul on it. Sometimes if this person gives you a compliment or helps you, it's because they secretly wish someone would do that for them. Sometimes people think that they are out of tears but when words hit them, there are still some tears left. Humans think they know each other but they’re not even close. The truth is ugly and bad. The truth is death, and life is a lie. In the end which one do you prefer? I told you it’s a story about truth, but I lied. It’s a story about death. And sometimes, the paper is the testament.
I really love this especially showing how truth is in death cause the truth is everything dies. I however would have liked if you didn't focus so much on how truth can be negative cause every good has it's bad. But really do love this.
Wow. This was very philosophical. I liked the repetition of the words sometimes, lie, truth, death, and life. I like where this is going. It's very interactive with the audience, and it's kind of Romeo & Juliet-esque as in you know the end before it begins. So, I will say, I'm really enjoying these works you're publishing.
I hope you continue. I want to know who and how these people died.
In the end, you do not disappoint with your vivid and insightful language.
Shay.
‘Sup! It’s AngelLily.
I really like the flow of the story, and the beginning really lured me in.
Right here:
“Sometimes if this person makes you a compliment or help you, its because they secretly wish someone would do that for them.”
I think it would sound better if you put “gives” instead of “makes” you a compliment. Also, “help” should be “helps” and “its” should be “it’s” or “it is”.
I also noticed that on a few of your conjunctions there is not a comma before them, so you might want to check that out.
Indenting— You might want too, but not a big deal.
I loved this story. Just a few mistakes, but we all make them. You have great writing skills. Keep up the good work. 👍
Hey! Silverquill12 here with a review.
I really love your last line. It's so thoroughly chilling. I like how your diction lends the reader's eye to picture a child. It makes the claims being spoken even more haunting. I'm interested to hear about the story behind this story. It's not shaped like a traditional narrative, but that makes it all the more intriguing. You have some mistakes littered throughout that impede your readability.
1. "And those people, whose truth is is all about don't want that to happen." I wasn't sure what was meant by this and it didn't sound right grammatically. Look over it.
2. "The person who keeps the truth for himself is underestimating herself." I was confused about the change in gender here. Was it intentional?
3. When you say "they are still some tears left" I think you meant "there are still some tears left."
Other than that, lovely piece. I would very much like to know the context of it. I look forward to seeing more work!! Also, welcome to YWS!
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