Young Writers Society

Hi there, Lukan. I'm Conrad Rice, and I will be your reviewer for today.

So, I love this poem. Like, a lot. I love the way it describes this absolutely gifted person as both an angel and a lion, despite his blindness. And you do it with such beautiful, simple language. I have to say that I am very much impressed by it.

So, a very good job indeed. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem with us! Feel free to contact me via PM if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

This poem was interesting to read. I liked how you made the angel out to be both fierce but also kind. Some of your lines were quite brilliant (runs with the river). There were very few mistakes to point out that haven't already been covered. But I did notice one.

At one is he,
with the rushing wind,
with the gentle breeze.

The basis for this poem is good, a very pretty concept that could go far. There are a few problems which need to be straightened out, though:

Capitalisation: unfortunately, grammar dictates that every line in every poem has to start with a capital letter, even if leaving it lower case adds to the effect.

Structure: To start with, the regularity of the poem is good. But from about "and so I marvel" onwards, rhythm and wording is all over the place! Try to find away of expressing the same points but with a similar structure as the rest of the poem.

Angel lines: There's a few things to look over with the lines that describe the angelic aspect of the man's voice. Firstly, since the whole poem is describing just that, a voice, you probably shouldn't say voices of angels. Maybe you could say "whispers" or "songs" instead?
In the second-to-last line, I really don't like the use of the word "angelic". It sounds very samey and uninventive. What quality of the voice is reminding the speaker of angels? that's probably what you should put there.

Anyway, good luck with this poem, it has a lot of potential. Just make sure it looks professional, and show off your creativity as much as possible. That's what poetry is for.

Really great poem! I loved it! One thing I noticed is that you started lines uppercase and some lowercase. It looks like you meant to do that so don't worry about it. I look forward to seeing more poems from you and keep up the good work!