Ello there Knightly! Thank you for the review request!
I have nothing for grammar except to suggest taking a look at the structure. It isn't terrible, there are just some spots that I think look weird. If you want some examples, feel free to contact me.
#800080 ">Suggestions/Questions:
#800080 ">I was really confused by this by the time I finished the poem. It was said above, but I'm so confused as to what your talking about. I start out thinking it is a person, then I question myself the whole poem wondering if it is a person or a cigarette. It is repeated by:I remember you when I light a cigarette;
your slender, white, body that I traced beneath my
fingers. I pressed my lips against you
from the hair on your head to the
tips of your toes
#800080 ">So yeah, maybe make it a little less confusing?
#800000 ">Likes: If it is indeed a cigarette (which is what I think it is....) I like the language used to describe the relationship. I think the last few lines are creepy if you were to actually say them... But I like them. That said, I think it would be really cool to compare a cigarette to a love life... But I don't know if that is what you're after, so whatever....
#0080FF ">Overall: Because I'm so confused, I have a hard time deciding too much on this poem. I love your choice of words, your imagery, and your willingness to be unique. I think I like the poem, I just think some things need to be cleared up. So let me know if you have any questions. I would love to help! And feel free to drop me another review request any time!
#BF8000 ">-HostofHorus
Points: 1707
Reviews: 84
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