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Young Writers Society


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The Loud Silence

by Inferno


The stillness is too loud,

The idleness rings in my ears.

Though, what is heard? Not a sound.

But just that fact reduces me to tears.

The longing, the yearn,

For the crazy, the rush, the spark

To once again return.

That hunger is tearing me apart.

Where has the rapid-fire race of life gone?

Where are those towering waves that tossed me around

That I never thought I'd want? 

Now that life is nowhere to be found.

No, there's only the flat waters,

The strongest current, only a ripple.

The silence is echoing off of walls that aren't there.

In the vast void of sound I feel so little.

If, oh, my ears could hear something, anything

Not the huff of my breath exiting my mouth,

If a bird could sing

If my voice could cry out.

If the vast nothingness didn't steal the words from my tongue.

If it didn't hurt to even use my lungs.

If I could whine, 

If I could shout

For this silence is too loud.

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Points: 31
Reviews: 3

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Sat Apr 20, 2024 4:38 pm
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Semicolon wrote a review...



Hello! I'm Ava

The title of this poem immediately caught my attention and something told me that I had to read this.

Reading this piece felt like the loud silence after a thunderous storm. That kind of storm which made you lose something you'd given your life to.
The loud silence is unsettling and that makes you want to return back to how everything was usually. But it felt like you're lost and you can't find a way back. You're trapped in the loud silence. It's loud but it's silent too.
If only you could hear something that would lead you back to finding your lost life. You expressed you're desperation and frustration to end the games that you're emotions are playing with you very precisely.

Your flow is smooth and the word choice is powerful and it renders the emotions you seek to express strongly.

Thank you for this beautiful piece. I hope you find the voice you're yearning for.
Have a great day!




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461 Reviews

Points: 7451
Reviews: 461

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Thu Apr 18, 2024 8:11 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello, Inferno, and belated welcome to the Young Writer's Society! I saw your request for a review on this poem, and thought I'd drop by.

I love this poem's rhythm. Everything here flows so nicely together, from one word to the next. I'm also always partial to rhyming poems, and I think that yours served the poems "musical" feel really nicely!

Your word choice, too, is incredibly impactful. Lines like

That hunger is tearing me apart.

Where has the rapid-fire race of life gone?

Where are those towering waves that tossed me around


and

If the vast nothingness didn't steal the words from my tongue.

If it didn't hurt to even use my lungs.


stood out to me in particular, in large part due to their interesting diction.

I did notice some small inconsistencies with the rhyme scheme (which may have been intentional, but I thought I'd point it out just in case,) for example, at the start of the poem, you have what appears to be an ABCB quatrain,

The stillness is too loud,

The idleness rings in my ears.

Though, what is heard? Not a sound.

But just that fact reduces me to tears.


but in the very next line, you switch instead a tercet,

The longing, the yearn,

For the crazy, the rush, the spark

To once again return.


and following that, you have a couplet, before jumping again into another tercet. It's common for free form poetry not to have a rhyme scheme, but I think opening with one of the most commonly used quatrains sets up an expectation for the reader that it's going to be semi consistent throughout the piece- so when it's not, it may throw them off a tad.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece! It's extremely pretty, with powerful descriptions and an excellent flow! I look forward to seeing more stuff from you in the future! Once again, welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy your stay here :D




Inferno says...


Hi!
Thank you so much for the review! I was trying to keep the rhyme scheme mildly consistent... I kind of thought
For the crazy, the rush, the spark...

and
That hunger is tearing me apart.

would match the pattern, but I see your point.




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