Young Writers Society

Ooohh I LOVE this!!! The cryptic nature of this poem adds a sort of daunting and threatening feel so something we're all truly quite comfortable with. The subversion of what we're used to seeing into something that seems so /off/ is incredibly well done. The formatting furthers this.

"This foundation was brought to you by anything and everything." This line is very neat, and can be read into and dissected as a very interpretive piece (which is perfect for the point you're trying to make).

"factory smog starts to cover the interface". making the point that factories and progression and all of these advertisements clog and clutter our minds until we can barely think for ourselves; they're working together to stifle our individality and kill us.

"everyone else is watching, not seeing. why don't you lend an eye?" Again, incredibly well-written!!! Once again making the point that we ourselves are being clouded and fogged over by all of these new advancements. People profit from our confusion and addiction and willful ignorance- the encouragement in the last line makes this clear.

This poem is very well-written and makes its point in a way that's incredibly poetic and vaguely haunting, menacing. Overall, incredible!! I have no critiques. Have a lovely day!

Hi there, Grimmwolf!

I thought this poem managed to convey a point in a small space, which is impressive. The poem seems to present the voice of a critical observer, somewhat detached from the main action, even though the use of “you” in poetry usually creates intimacy with the addressee, which I thought was interesting. I got the sense that the tone being used was ironic and critical, and the mood I felt was one of ominousness.

Subject, Themes, Narrative

I interpreted the narrative of this poem to be that of “the establishment” using social media to pull wool over everyone’s eyes for their own benefit. There seems to be irony there, since social media is meant to allow people to “view” or “see”, but what is seen isn’t the truth.

The title “viewers like you” makes me think most of the part of the poem about “everyone else”. The repetition of “everyone else is . . . “ seemed to build tension, maybe reflecting the social pressure to view what everyone else is viewing? I thought though, that this social pressure doesn’t seem to be the sole focus of the poem, unlike what the title implies. The first half especially seems to be more about the “establishment” itself.

Language and Imagery

The first line of this poem reminded me of an ad or sponsorship announcement. After that, a lot of the imagery seems to surround vision, for instance “smog” (which obstructs vision), “cover” (the act of obstructing vision), and also “watching”, “seeing”, “lend an eye”. Combined with this being a poem with different styles of formatting incorporated in an image file, I thought this use of ‘visual’ images was meant to convey the story about perception being obstructed. I wonder if adding different senses might have enriched the poem, for example, sound (noises, noise pollution). This is kind of present in the “coughing” image.

Speaking of which, “factory smog/ starts to cover the interface” also carries over into the line about “coughing”. I only managed to notice this on the third reading, maybe because I tend to associated “smog” with low visibility and “smoke” with coughing and the smell of smoke.
Another thing I thought was interesting was the use of “this” in italics. It gave me the sense that I could substitute any organisation or authority into the “this”, it being vague language, and have the poem still make sense.

Structure and Sound

As mentioned earlier, the use of “you” seems to address the addressee in a very direct way. However, the addressee also seems to be depicted using the passive voice, for example “was brought to you” until the end where the speaker asks them to “lend an eye”. This gave me the impression that the speaker wants to control the addressee. This, and also how a lot of the action is attributed to “everyone” and “the establishment” rather than the “you” in this poem.

I didn’t notice many sound devices in this piece, though there’s an evident visual rhythm and emphasis placed on phrases like “everything and anything” and “Twitter” which are in larger fonts and are centred in the image.

The bolded text at the end also created an ominous effect, as if the poem is a sort of warning about the potential dangers of social media. Meanwhile, the fading grey of “factory smog” reflects the loss of clarity that’s being created for the addressee through the social and corporate (?) pressure to perceive something set out by the “establishment”.

That's all

Overall, this was an interesting poem with apt use of visual effects. Feel free to ask any questions about something I’ve said here. Hopefully you found these comments helpful - and keep writing!

Cheers,
-Lim