Young Writers Society

My corrections are in purple:
"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Hailey shouted from ahead.
"Sorry Hai-Hai#BF00FF ">, but I have to tie my roller skate." I said quickly.
"We need to get to tryouts! Remember; Softball, Gymnastics, Cheerleading and Soccer." Hailey reminded me. #BF00FF ">I think the use of capitals for the sports aren't necessary.
"I know, I know" I mumbled.
I never really was the athletic type, Don't get me wrong #BF00FF ">don't should be in lowercase , I really love the outdoors! My kind of sport is swimming though. I love the feeling of my feet paddling slowly through the calm water. I don't care if water is warm or cold#BF00FF ">; I still love it.
Now here I was, rolling on the bumpy road in Arizona, following my best friend to get to tryouts for four different sports that I barely like. Great. I guess I was good at gymnastics and cheerleading because Hailey taught me how to do back walkovers, back handsprings, frontflips and all that stuff. It was kind of #BF00FF ">Take out 'kind of' fun but it can't beat swimming.
"Wait for me" I shouted.
"Well we're almost there so I guess I'll wait." she said, obviously irritated.
The hot summer sun burned my skin while I tried to ignore the dry air and heat.
I struggled to roll faster on my new blue and pink roller skates#BF00FF ">;I surprisingly went faster.
"Hailey look!" I shouted.
"Nice. Looks like you're going to be a fast runner in these sports," she said happily.
I could see her sweating but everything became a blur and then it went dark and I couldn't hear. #BF00FF ">This sentence is kind of awkward. Try to explain what's happening in greater detail.
I woke up and it was really bright. I figured out that I was looking up at the sun. I looked around me. I was lying on the hot sidewalk.
Hailey was gone.
"Hailey" I tried to call but my throat was too dry. I looked at my watch#BF00FF ">; it was 3:26 PM. I was out for almost two hours. #BF00FF ">I had been out for almost two hours.
I laid my head on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head but I just stared up at the clear sky. #BF00FF ">You used 'head' twice, making it awkard again. Try saying something like: I laid on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head, but I kept staring at the clear blue sky. I heard footsteps but I didn't bother looking, I just closed my eyes. #BF00FF ">Maybe you could say: I closed my eyes, giving in.

It's a good plot
I'm wondering what's going to happen next =^_^=

Hey, Ginger! Adox here to review again!

"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Hailey shouted from ahead.
"Sorry #FF0000 ">CommaHai-Hai #FF0000 ">Comma but I have to tie my roller skate. #FF0000 ">Comma instead of a period." I said quickly.
"We need to get to tryouts! Remember; Softball, Gymnastics, Cheerleading and Soccer. #FF0000 ">Comma" Hailey reminded me.
"I know, I know#FF0000 ">Comma[color=#FF0000 ][/color]" I mumbled.
I never really was the athletic type, Don't get me wrong, I really love the outdoors! My kind of sport is swimming #FF0000 ">Thoughthough. I love the feeling of my feet paddling slowly through the calm water. I don't care if water is warm or cold, I still love it. #FF0000 ">Is there a reason your telling us this block of information? If not, I'd suggest taking it out all together.
Now here I was, rolling on the bumpy road in Arizona, following my best friend to get to tryouts for four different sports that I barely like. Great. I guess I was good at gymnastics and cheerleading because Hailey taught me how to do back walkovers, back handsprings, #BF0000 ">frontflips This is two different words, I believeand #FF0000 ">all that stuff I'd suggest changing this to something like, "And a few other things.". It was kind of fun #FF0000 ">Commabut it can't beat swimming.
"Wait for me#FF0000 ">Comma" I shouted.
"Well #FF0000 ">Commawe're almost there #FF0000 ">Comma so I guess I'll wait. #FF0000 ">Comma" she said, obviously irritated.
The hot summer sun burned my skin while I tried to ignore the dry air and heat. #FF0000 ">The end of the sentence doesn't really make sense.
I struggled to roll faster on my new blue and pink roller skates, #FF0000 ">I surprisingly went faster. #FF0000 ">This needs to be a separate sentence, and the sentence should be something like, "Surprisingly, I went faster."
"Hailey #FF0000 ">Commalook!" I shouted.
"Nice. Looks like you're going to be a fast runner in these sports," she said happily.
I could see her sweating #FF0000 ">but everything became a blur and then it went dark and I couldn't hear. #FF0000 ">This needs to change. It's choppy and confusing.
I woke up and it was really bright. I figured out that I was looking up at the sun. I looked around #FF0000 ">me Me doesn't need to be here.. I was lying on the hot sidewalk.
Hailey was gone.
"Hailey #FF0000 ">Comma" I tried to call but my throat was too dry. I looked at my watch, it was 3:26 PM. I was out for almost two hours.
I laid my head on the burning sidewalk. It stung my head but I just stared up at the clear sky. I heard footsteps but I didn't bother looking, I just closed my eyes.