Young Writers Society

A nice poem. I see the story line there. Don't worry about 'throes' as it has multiple meanings that someone (AmelliaCogin) forgot about. The flow is good, same with the rhyme except for 'to me suddenly aware' which could of been placed as a new line with a comma in between 'to' and 'me'.

I absolutely enjoyed reading this. The imagery was wonderful and I can imagine my friends and I doing this while camping. I hate punctuation, and it's not necessary in this poem, but it may put people at ease if you did? Anyway I can't find any mistakes and I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing stuff like this.

-Nana

Hii, I'm Demoness and I'll be giving you my opinion on this piece Hope I can be of help.

CUTE! I liked it alot, great imagery! I don't know how you pictured it but in my mind I could see a stage cast in shadow lit up only by the fire-y light in a dancing girls hair... yep! Not much to complain about, the rhymes didn't sounds forced, you have great rythm but you should think about punctuation

Good Luck & Keep Writing

//Demoness

I loved this poem. I can safely say that as I read this my mind took leave of my body and became one with the observer in the story. I saw a lone tribal woman dancing almost trance-like around her fire with no music or drumbeats except those inside her mind. As the spectator, I felt awe and wonder, but also fear, especially when she becomes aware of her audience. At that point, my reaction was a quick intake of breath and the tensing up of my body, prepared to flee. I know, as I'm sure we all as writers do, that oftentimes people will add more into a story than what you actually give them. I admit I took a lot of liberty in my interpretations, but I have a feeling most others will do the same. Despite my very concrete, real-world interpretation, your last stanza hints at a more abstract aspect of this poem that I haven't quite figured out.

Outstanding work! Keep writing!

I would like to say that absoutely abhor punctuation and, for personal pretense, tend to eradicate from my poetry. Thank you for those who are nitpicky enough to think it's important because I definitely don't. I believe I've ranted at this in reference to Adox before, I just don't think it absolutely necessary in poetry. Socks, I always appreciate another review and I may consider slipping over to your work and doing some in return. Thanks for reviews, guys!

Let me first say, I'm a Boy Scout, and as I was reading this, I could just envision us gathering around the fire, doing all our activities, comical and dramatic. The imagery here is absolutely beautiful! I love love love all the vivid pictures I'm getting in my mind, heehee Now let's get down to specifics...

Yet you haven't fallen to sleep
You still dance in the firelight

You stop abruptly, to me suddenly aware
But my will remains ensnared
With the stars shining in your eyes
The fire flickering in your hair

Other then the above mentioned punctuation, I can see nothing wrong with this. Great job, and it sounds fantastic!

Keep writing,
~FW~

First off, I really enjoyed this piece. It was beautifully written. There are just a few things in the poem that I'd like to point out.

The shadows have fully fallen
Into the darkest throes of night #FF0000 ">Period
Yet you haven't fallen to sleep #FF0000 ">Comma
You still dance in the firelight #FF0000 ">Period

I watch from the thick shadows
On the edge of your glory #FF0000 ">Comma
I am herewith entranced
As you dance your story #FF0000 ">Period

You dance of joy, you dance of pain #FF0000 ">Comma
You dance with the whole of your being #FF0000 ">Comma
Your soul seems to be one with your form #FF0000 ">Comma
Not one advancing, not one retreating #FF0000 ">Period

You stop abruptly, to me suddenly aware #FF0000 ">Comma
But my will remains ensnared #FF0000 ">Comma
With the stars shining in your eyes
The fire flickering in your hair #FF0000 ">Period

I move hesitantly, unsure of you #FF0000 ">Comma
As the shadow flickers before the flame
Likewise we dance in graceful harmony
The fire and shade now are the same #FF0000 ">Period.

Hello! First of all, I loved this piece. It was a beautiful concept and very well executed. The flow was nice and paced and you poem has a lovely rhythm. You lack punctuation, which isn't particularly a problem: the choice of including punctuation is down to the writer, in my opinion, though some may pick up on it and fuss. One nitpick:)

EtCetera wrote:Into the darkest throes of night