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Young Writers Society



Over and Under

by Elinor


Okay, so here we go with the first song I've ever wrote. I don't know where it came from, exactly, but I just started writing and here is what I came up with. If you would wish to listen, I record myself on youtube singing the song. You can find that here:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzcvTYii ... _embedded#
^
Here is me singing the song!
Now, the lyrics!
_____
That same old silly pattern!
That same old silly song!
The one you sing
to make your boredom go

Whenever you're sewing
a new dress or shirt!

Because believe me my dear,
the pattern gets so
repetitive.

You just go Over and Under
and Over and Over and Under
and Over and Under again.

Believe me dear,
It doesn't get better;
Your thread may change color
But nothing's to stop you
from going
Over and Under again.

And just when you think
the wait is quite over
You have to keep going
Over and Under again.

You may love it finished,
but will you go through
being bored and annoyed
from going Over and Under again?

Do I like sewing?
That's of the question.
I need to make money,
and if it is needed
I shall do it by going
Over and Under again.

Over and Under
Oh Over and Under
Oh Over and Under again!

Just think what sewing is like
Get practice and what you're making
will turn out so pretty
but in the meantime, you have to go
Over and Under again.

Over and Over and Under and Under!
Oh over and under again.

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5 Reviews

Points: 2598
Reviews: 5

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Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:30 pm
Demetri wrote a review...



I liked this. It was light-hearted, subtle, happy and somewhat fluent. It's not ground-breaking, and I don't think that's what you were aiming for, either, and it's not going to achieve enlightenment any time soon. But it was nice.

I won't comment on the lyrics, because I don't think it needs improving; the lyrics has it's own style that make it light, so I won't try and change that. What I will comment on is your voice, and the way you carry this tune.

You have a nice voice, but your delivery could do with some work. There are times while you are singing while your drone, and that tells me that you just want to get it over with. This does nothing for voice or performance, because it resonates through your tone.

Try an take breaths when you are signing - it doesn't have to be frequent, but try subtle, deep breathing at the end of every line.

I hope I helped you to some extent; I did like your lyrics.




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1162 Reviews

Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162

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Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:10 am
Carlito wrote a review...



Oooooh! I like that you sang it! That helps so much. :)

Elinor Brynn wrote:You just go Over and Under
and Over and Over and Under
and Over and Under again.

I might be wrong but when you sang this part, it sounded like a song I've heard before. I don't know who it's by or what it's called but it just sounded familiar to me. :)

Elinor Brynn wrote:Believe me dear,
It doesn't get better;
Your thread may change color
But nothing's to stop you
from going
Over and Under again.

Loved this part. Especially the 'thread may change color/but nothing's to stop you' part.

Overall, I thought this song was really cute. Nice job for your first time. :)
Write more songs and keep singing them. I love that! :D

-Carly





The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain