Young Writers Society

Guys, please look at the date.

Hi Chevy!

Short and simple. Nice, but it was rather abrupt. You could have expanded more on the topic, so the reader can get the feeling of what you're trying to express.

Also, I think you should remove the first two lines, as it lessens the impact of the last two lines.

Overall, it was fine. Keep writing!

Erm... to be honest, I don't really get the point of this poem. It seems to have some deeper meaning, but we can only guess at what that that is. I suggest you use the ideas you used in this and expand on them in a new poem. What is the thing in your life you're talking about? What does it mean? What does it look or feel like? This seems like the skeleton of something bigger- work on it!

-Dreamy

I agree, the first line should go. I also think the second to last line should go.

Transforming all the old to new.

The first line, "What Is" could be tooken out. It is just a destraction, and makes it very nice.If you wanted to keep that in there, have "What Is...What Is This?," but I still think it could be tooken out.