Young Writers Society

IM me later...but yeah, if I knew more about what the poem's aim was, I'd give better advice. At present, it appears to be a soft obviousness you point out gracefully. Then the trainwreck happens at the end. So yeah...

Hmm...I liked it altogether, and could understand what its saying, but it didn't really flow well. The last line just stuck out of the poem and didn't fit, but you couldn't get the title to fit if you didn't have that last line...so...I don't know what to say on that part. It was pretty good for a really short poem.

I'm not a fan of the last line. Seemed to trite a saying. I understand what it's saying, I think you could reword it and give the sense of being one of life's many lessons, as opposed to forthright statement of the obvious. Otherwise, I liked it. And I too am a fan of the opening but.

Yep, I'd agree with the above. It seems to have come straight from your mind, unaltered. Nice and pure. I like!

i like the first line, like you're responding to a comment we can't hear. 'but' is one of my favorite ways to start a poem, actually, along with 'and'. probably because it breaks the rules hahaha

Not sure if I liked the poem itself, as in the subject, but I liked the way you wrote it as if it was the end of a thought you're not telling us about. And I liked the shortness. I liked "sometimes that happens". Don't know why. I generally like the way you wrote this. Good work.