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Young Writers Society



Chapter one

by Book


“Alexander, abandon ship,” shouts the admiral on the intercom,“you're ship is going to blow.” I stay put. Red lights flash and alarms sound all around me I'm working with a Turner Joy class space destroyer. They are one of the most expensive ships to build and maintain so i cannot afort to lose this ship. Although a bit slow, they are known as a strong and dangerous opponent. The Turner Joy is also known as a hard ship to command. With one of the oldest bridges in space history. My command center, the captain's position, has five separate control tables. All together there are total of eight levers, seventy-three switches, ninety-two buttons and six screens all for different purposes. Soon I have to give up. The reactors collapsed and are leaking acidic gas throughout the ship. I have the responsibility of twenty-four lives along with my own and if I can't save the ship I will at least save them. I order the evacuation of the ship and rush my fellow crew in the bridge to the escape pod. Slowly I survey my ship one last time before shutting the hatch and giving the order to launch off. The craft lurches forward away from the ship I called home for the last six months. I turn and pull my body through the craft towards the cockpit. The pod is just big enough to house five bodies safely for four weeks. I enter the cramped cockpit and scream. Rotting bodies sit strapped to their seats reaching, reaching for me! The normally spotless white walls are splattered with blood vomit and bugs. “Its your fault,” they groan, “it’s your fault we're here rotting instead of with our families. It's all your fault!” The rotting hands surround me and pull me into the darkness…

I sit up in bed. That is the fourth nightmare I've had since his disappearance. Why, oh why did dad chose to go on that mission.

I check the time: 4 A.M. Good, I'll just make the broadcast if I'm quick. I quickly change then grab my backpack and sneak downstairs, where I pack three apples from the kitchen counter, a book I left downstairs yesterday, and my football. Quickly, I rush back upstairs and switch on the TV.

“Welcome back to the William’s & co. daily update. Today we have some amazing

People have been dreaming of the day when these creatures will fly. They've written songs and poems, told stories, even made movies abput them. Well, we’ve done it. If you look up right now you will see the most unusual thing on planet d131974. Not the dragons… not the griffins…no, We have released 120 of these these majestic creatures into the atmosphere within the last seven days, so stay tuned to see how they adapt to their new home…” I shut the TV off in discussed. Not a word about the 25 missing men of the Omega mission.

“Joseph Alexander! You need to go to school!” I look down at my watch. It’s 6:45 already! I have five minutes… I rush to the bathroom, wash my face and brush my teeth, grab my backpack and rush out of my room. I race down the stairs, leaping the last few steps, and turn to the kitchen. There my mother stands with a tired look. She has gotten little to no sleep in the last week. “Were you watching the William’s & co. promotion,”she asks. Oh course! Ive been looking for any word about dad for days!” “Your dad has been missing for three weeks and proclaimed dead for a days. We don't know what happened to him but William’s is definitely holding something from us. Now eat up quickly before your bus arrives. You're Sister is already waiting out there.” I take a large bite out of the apple I took earlier and head towards the door. As I step outside I turn back to see mom collapse onto the couch and fall asleep immediately. Outside, my sister, Jenny, sits at the bus stop talking with her friends. I sit down and listen in while pretending to read a book I grabbed on the way out. They're talking about makeup, who’s dating who, that sort of stuff. I turn my attention to the book in my hands. Its not actually a book but a really large notebook. The title is William’s & co. then a series of dots and dashes following it. The dots and dashes aren't Morse code. I've known Morse code since 1st grade. I flip through the first few pages, which is covered with the same symbols. The first page is different from all the others. It looks like a key to the dots and dashes covering every page. Letters lined up neatly next to what seemed their equivalent in this strange code. I copy the page to a scrap of paper and work through the words on the title and second page. The title was: William’s & co. Douglas Alexander. The first words on the page were: I am officer Douglas Alexander. Omega is stranded in space. Abandon ship.


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210 Reviews


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Reviews: 210

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Wed Mar 27, 2024 12:47 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



Hey Book! I don't normally review a lot of novels, but I really liked this one and wanted to leave you a quick little review :D

keeperofgaming already pointed out a lot of grammar, so I can focus on what I liked about this piece instead! I found your first sentence to be very intriguing . It has a good hook!

“Alexander, abandon ship,” shouts the admiral on the intercom,“you're ship is going to blow.”


Staring with an 'abandon ship' sentence really got my attention! As we continue on, I noticed that this piece was written in first person. I find that is something that is challenging to fo in novel writing, sometimes, so I have to say good job for that! Pacing can be difficult in first person so I sure admire all of the work you put into this.

I have the responsibility of twenty-four lives along with my own and if I can't save the ship I will at least save them.


I want to learn about who our character is. They sound like a very noble person who wants to save others over themself. I would love to see more visual details about the setting of where they are. What do the waves look like and the sky and the other people? I would love to see more of that :)

Okay, so this plot twist was AMAZING! I was not expecting this at all!

The rotting hands surround me and pull me into the darkness…

I sit up in bed. That is the fourth nightmare I've had since his disappearance. Why, oh why did dad chose to go on that mission.


But it was all just a drea, phew! That explains why things got so wild back there!

Another thought. Josephs conversation with his mother felt a little rushed to me. She mentiuions the fact that his dad was proclaimed dead a few days ago, but this all happens in one sentence:

“Your dad has been missing for three weeks and proclaimed dead for a days. We don't know what happened to him but William’s is definitely holding something from us. Now eat up quickly before your bus arrives. You're Sister is already waiting out there.”


I would love to see more of this conversation! I think expanding it and having some back and forth dialogue could really help us learn more about her character and his character. They could also mention more about the dad- was he a good guy or was he mean to them? How does the mom feel?

I love the eerie ending to this piece! I really hope that you will be posting the next part soon. Overall, I found this engaging and I love the plot.

Take care! Your friend,
Ellie




Book says...


Thank you for the review. I'm not very good at writing out conversations and I don't exactly know why. I'll work on that and see what I can do. I guess I should mention that this is all in space... I didn't actually do that now that I think about it...
Well that's a major plot point a forgot about lol
Again thanks for the review and kind swords!
Adieu,
Book



Book says...


Words not swords lol



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55 Reviews


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Reviews: 55

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Thu Mar 21, 2024 1:56 pm
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keeperofgaming wrote a review...



Really like it, but there are some errors:

“you're ship is going to blow.”
to
"Your ship is going to blow."

all around me I'm
to
all around me, I'm

build and maintain so i cannot afort
to
build and maintain, so I cannot afford

ship to command. With one of the oldest
to
ship to command, with one of the oldest

Soon I have to give up.
to
Soon, I have to give up.

Slowly I survey my ship one last time before
to
Slowly, I survey my ship one last time before

lurches forward away from
to
lurches forward, away from

did dad chose to
to
did dad choose to

I quickly change then grab my backpack and sneak downstairs
to
I quickly change, then I grab my backpack and sneak downstairs

we have some amazing
to
we have some amazing news (It just ends with no explanation)

she asks. Oh course! Ive been looking for any word about dad for days!”
to
she asks. (New line)"Oh, of course, I've been looking for any word about Dad for days!" I said (New line)

You're Sister is already
to
Your sister is already.

Other than that, really interesting story, I can't wait to see how it progresses.




Book says...


Ah yes my never ending fight with a small keyboard and auto correct but also I am just bad at spelling lol ty for pointing them out





yeah, I understand. have a good day.




What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant?
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice