Young Writers Society

maxito wrote:Hello,

Instantly registered after seeing this to review the lyrics that BetaTested wrote on one of my hip hop instrumentals.

The fact that he didn't wrote about hoes, money, or guns already encouraged me to read further through his lyrics.
There are some nice punchlines I like, such as:

But when I was fifteen, I kinda let things slip,

And I’m still struggling now, trying to get a grip.

When the deadlines came, id just let em float by,

Work ain't as cool as drink or gettin' high

I really feel that line, my little brother of around the same age as you is currently fucking up his life that way and I hope he will change one day and realize life is serious.
Overall I think you did a great job writing these lyrics and you're talented for your age, you should definitely keep on developing your lyrical skills, and work on your flow.

As a producer I can say I would be happy to see people like you working with my beats.
I'm looking forward to your track on my "summer times" instrumental, and thank you for crediting me in this post!

Greetings,
Maxito (Producer of the beat)

Ps. For the people interested, you can find more beats produced by me at:
http://www.youtube.com/maxito43.

Hello,

Instantly registered after seeing this to review the lyrics that BetaTested wrote on one of my hip hop instrumentals.

The fact that he didn't wrote about hoes, money, or guns already encouraged me to read further through his lyrics.
There are some nice punchlines I like, such as:

But when I was fifteen, I kinda let things slip,

And I’m still struggling now, trying to get a grip.

When the deadlines came, id just let em float by,

Work ain't as cool as drink or gettin' high

peachygirl101 wrote:This was completely AHMAYZING! the lyrics are really cool and kinda explain my life. I know i am a girl, but who says girls cant be in the army?...haha yeah that was a past type thing but anyways...lets just say this song was SMOKIN' (litterally: That Good!) I LOVED IT! and i cant wait to hear the beat on Youtube!

Reedo121 wrote:I must admit, great song. If you put a good beat with it, it sounds like an actual band could play this.

Keep it up!!

I must admit, great song. If you put a good beat with it, it sounds like an actual band could play this.

Keep it up!!

Please review my poems, i will post more later! THANKS!

This was completely AHMAYZING! the lyrics are really cool and kinda explain my life. I know i am a girl, but who says girls cant be in the army?...haha yeah that was a past type thing but anyways...lets just say this song was SMOKIN' (litterally: That Good!) I LOVED IT! and i cant wait to hear the beat on Youtube!

Kitty15 wrote:I've only had a quick scan through the other reviews so please forvive me if I repeat anything. With that said, I think you've got some alright lyrics here. I'm not the best at following rap but I read it through while listening to the beat and it seems to fit pretty well. A few comments on the words themselves though:

Things I never did, and people never met,
All the wrong choices made, so easy to forget.
But when I look back now, on what I did back then,
I wish I had the chance, to do it all again. <<<[I think your lyrics don't reflect the first verse. After this point, they're all filled with regret over getting bad grades and not much else and there isn't a strong enough sense that they'd go back and do it again. What I've noticed with rap is that the best rap is where there's a whole conversation going on either in one person's head or between two people or both in fact, and there's a lot of conflict, attempts to make decisions. It would be really cool if you had this so that the personas are filled with regret, yes, but they also loved that they had a good time and they don't know if they'd really do things differently. That would give you the chance to bring in specific events they may be considering re-doing and then remembering why they did it that way. Rap always seems to be at least partly about loving the bad boy image so try to get some of those details in there. Specifically how did they mess up? Was there a crazy party before one of their exams where they meant to be good but ended up smoking drugs which led to making out with a lamp post and sleeping outside on the cold gravel then falling asleep in the exam?]

Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good,
Or cos we know we can, or cos we think we should.
But I never looked ahead, just played the here and now,
Never making the most of what time would allow. <<<[This line felt a little awkward, maybe take another look.]

Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun
But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done
And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb
I guess making money's more important to some <<<[Not sure how much I like these last two lines and then it goes on to the whole rap thing which just feels really out of place. There's not enough build up to that and it makes it sound like the person doesn't even care they got the bad grades because they just want to rap anyway. I don't know, it just feels like the two sections don't really fit together.]

Not sure about the end verse either. To be honest, I think you should probably keep your early verses but then start over for the rest as you get distracted from the real point of the lyrics and go off on too many divergences. You need to try and make these more focussed on the one aim or the one story.

Hope that helps a little,

Heather xxx

cupcake wrote:This is rather good. You did a great job with this. Just on thing, in the first and last part you rhymed every two lines like this,

BetaTested wrote:Things I never did, and people never met,
All the wrong choices made, so easy to forget.
But when I look back now, on what I did back then,
I wish I had the chance, to do it all again.

Then in the middle you rhymed every four lines like this,

BetaTested wrote:Think of someone like me, try’na find my destiny
Don’t know where I'll go, or who I’m gunna be
Never good at anything, but this comes naturally
And no matter what I do, this is what I wanna be

I'm not sure if it sounds right to me, but in the end these are your lyrics so it might sound right to you. Keep writing!

snickerdooly wrote:Hi! I really liked these lyrics and the way you gave us the link to hear the beat of the song. I listened to that while reading and I thought you did a great job, the content and emotions in the lyrics seem really strong to me. They are well put together and told a great story. There was slang is stuff in the lyrics which I really liked just because that's different and something I've never done! I really do not have anything bad to say about this piece, I enjoyed it very well! Thanks for posting, I may start writing lyrics
Peace,
Snickerdooly

I've only had a quick scan through the other reviews so please forvive me if I repeat anything. With that said, I think you've got some alright lyrics here. I'm not the best at following rap but I read it through while listening to the beat and it seems to fit pretty well. A few comments on the words themselves though:

Things I never did, and people never met,
All the wrong choices made, so easy to forget.
But when I look back now, on what I did back then,
I wish I had the chance, to do it all again. <<<[I think your lyrics don't reflect the first verse. After this point, they're all filled with regret over getting bad grades and not much else and there isn't a strong enough sense that they'd go back and do it again. What I've noticed with rap is that the best rap is where there's a whole conversation going on either in one person's head or between two people or both in fact, and there's a lot of conflict, attempts to make decisions. It would be really cool if you had this so that the personas are filled with regret, yes, but they also loved that they had a good time and they don't know if they'd really do things differently. That would give you the chance to bring in specific events they may be considering re-doing and then remembering why they did it that way. Rap always seems to be at least partly about loving the bad boy image so try to get some of those details in there. Specifically how did they mess up? Was there a crazy party before one of their exams where they meant to be good but ended up smoking drugs which led to making out with a lamp post and sleeping outside on the cold gravel then falling asleep in the exam?]

Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good,
Or cos we know we can, or cos we think we should.
But I never looked ahead, just played the here and now,
Never making the most of what time would allow. <<<[This line felt a little awkward, maybe take another look.]

Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun
But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done
And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb
I guess making money's more important to some <<<[Not sure how much I like these last two lines and then it goes on to the whole rap thing which just feels really out of place. There's not enough build up to that and it makes it sound like the person doesn't even care they got the bad grades because they just want to rap anyway. I don't know, it just feels like the two sections don't really fit together.]

Not sure about the end verse either. To be honest, I think you should probably keep your early verses but then start over for the rest as you get distracted from the real point of the lyrics and go off on too many divergences. You need to try and make these more focussed on the one aim or the one story.

Hope that helps a little,

Heather xxx

This is rather good. You did a great job with this. Just on thing, in the first and last part you rhymed every two lines like this,

BetaTested wrote:Things I never did, and people never met,
All the wrong choices made, so easy to forget.
But when I look back now, on what I did back then,
I wish I had the chance, to do it all again.

BetaTested wrote:Think of someone like me, try’na find my destiny
Don’t know where I'll go, or who I’m gunna be
Never good at anything, but this comes naturally
And no matter what I do, this is what I wanna be

Hi! I really liked these lyrics and the way you gave us the link to hear the beat of the song. I listened to that while reading and I thought you did a great job, the content and emotions in the lyrics seem really strong to me. They are well put together and told a great story. There was slang is stuff in the lyrics which I really liked just because that's different and something I've never done! I really do not have anything bad to say about this piece, I enjoyed it very well! Thanks for posting, I may start writing lyrics
Peace,
Snickerdooly

Kobain72 wrote:No problem!
Fair enough. Your lyics, your rules.
Regarding chorus etc. ... yeah I can see that now lol :$ my bad, and don't worry I know the technique.
Ok, hmm not sure will have to relisten with the beat. I probably just had a blip rethinking it during my review to be honest.
Again no problem, if you post any more stuff please let me know
k

No problem!
Fair enough. Your lyics, your rules.
Regarding chorus etc. ... yeah I can see that now lol :$ my bad, and don't worry I know the technique.
Ok, hmm not sure will have to relisten with the beat. I probably just had a blip rethinking it during my review to be honest.
Again no problem, if you post any more stuff please let me know
k

Kobain72 wrote:First of all I just want to say I think the topic's great. I definitely know the situation and even if it gets quite personal at times (which I think rap generally should anyway) there's still the theme of unearned confidence and its hazards which is far more universal, making it more accessible.
My only real negative criticisms would be the odd grammar mistake or qustion about grammar here and there (just to warn this will get very pedantic as there aren't really any glaring errors I can see):

1. "I wish I had the chance, #BF0000 ">you don't really need a comma here, grammatically speaking. I'm guessing it's used to highlight a pause when you rap? but I think readers would get that especially if they listened along with the youtube link. There's a few other commas I'd question, but I won't note each of them as in the end, as these are lyrics, it is important for readers to get a feel for the flow of the song. So I'll leave it up to you to do it all again. "

2. "When the deadlines came, id just let em float by," #BF0000 ">"id" needs an apostrophe and "em" should probably have one at the start to show it's a shortening

3. "Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good," #BF0000 ">Again just a missing apostrophe. This time on "its"

4. I kinda wish I hadn’t, cos its messed with my mind, #BF0000 ">Same again.

5. "Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun

But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done

And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb

I guess making money's more important to some" #BF0000 ">Not sure if it was intentional or is there punctuation missing from the ends of these lines?

6. "And I think this line right here will be the last #BF0000 ">Dunno if I just can't get the beat right in my head, but would this flow better with "one" added in here? out of me."

7. "(Beta Tested)" #BF0000 ">No problem here, I just wanna ask are these bits in brackets meant to be spoken as well or just to signal a new section of the song?

8. "But let it be a lesson to #BF0000 ">Again I don't know if I've just got the beat wrong in my head here, but would this benefit from adding someting like "all o' " in here? Or is this meant as more of a coda to the song, as its structure differs from all the others? those up high"

Well that's my nitpicking. Pretty minimal I know, but this does seem a pretty solid piece as it is already. One final question: is there meant to be a chorus? Or just breaks in between verses?
That's all I can think of for now so keep up the good work.

*Quick note: wrote my review earlier today, but only just been able to post it and upon doing so refreshed this page. So, sorry if my review covers areas everone else's did as well :s*

First of all I just want to say I think the topic's great. I definitely know the situation and even if it gets quite personal at times (which I think rap generally should anyway) there's still the theme of unearned confidence and its hazards which is far more universal, making it more accessible.
My only real negative criticisms would be the odd grammar mistake or qustion about grammar here and there (just to warn this will get very pedantic as there aren't really any glaring errors I can see):

1. "I wish I had the chance, #BF0000 ">you don't really need a comma here, grammatically speaking. I'm guessing it's used to highlight a pause when you rap? but I think readers would get that especially if they listened along with the youtube link. There's a few other commas I'd question, but I won't note each of them as in the end, as these are lyrics, it is important for readers to get a feel for the flow of the song. So I'll leave it up to you to do it all again. "

2. "When the deadlines came, id just let em float by," #BF0000 ">"id" needs an apostrophe and "em" should probably have one at the start to show it's a shortening

3. "Now we do what we do, and we do it cos its good," #BF0000 ">Again just a missing apostrophe. This time on "its"

4. I kinda wish I hadn’t, cos its messed with my mind, #BF0000 ">Same again.

5. "Yeah when I was in school I cared more for having fun

But now I'm nearly out, and I wish I hadn't done

And when it’s all over, I won't fail cos I'm dumb

I guess making money's more important to some" #BF0000 ">Not sure if it was intentional or is there punctuation missing from the ends of these lines?

6. "And I think this line right here will be the last #BF0000 ">Dunno if I just can't get the beat right in my head, but would this flow better with "one" added in here? out of me."

7. "(Beta Tested)" #BF0000 ">No problem here, I just wanna ask are these bits in brackets meant to be spoken as well or just to signal a new section of the song?

8. "But let it be a lesson to #BF0000 ">Again I don't know if I've just got the beat wrong in my head here, but would this benefit from adding someting like "all o' " in here? Or is this meant as more of a coda to the song, as its structure differs from all the others? those up high"

Well that's my nitpicking. Pretty minimal I know, but this does seem a pretty solid piece as it is already. One final question: is there meant to be a chorus? Or just breaks in between verses?
That's all I can think of for now so keep up the good work.

JabberHut wrote:Haha, Jab is definitely okay!

I did listen to it with the beat! Which is probably why I enjoyed it so much. It's much easier to listen to the music while reading lyrics. I think the beat's great! I can tell you guys would have fun singing this one. If the song ended shorter than you wanted, does that mean there are parts that you ended up not using in your song? Perhaps there's a way to shorten the bit about school and make it more general. Just a thought!

Haha, Jab is definitely okay!

I did listen to it with the beat! Which is probably why I enjoyed it so much. It's much easier to listen to the music while reading lyrics. I think the beat's great! I can tell you guys would have fun singing this one. If the song ended shorter than you wanted, does that mean there are parts that you ended up not using in your song? Perhaps there's a way to shorten the bit about school and make it more general. Just a thought!

JabberHut wrote:Hello again! I got your request, so I shall give whatever feedback I can!

I liked this song much better than the last one I looked at. This one told more of a story -- a personal one at that. It's written very well, and the listener can relate better to the singer.

The song seemed to talk more about grades, so I wasn't sure about your first line:

Things I never did, and people never met

The song discussed more about the grades they never got, not the people they never met. Perhaps refer to people the speaker didn't meet or the people the speaker did meet somewhere in the song.

Two E's to my name, with my head feeling light.

I'm not a rapper. xD So forgive me for my naivety, but I don't see how this line has anything to do with the song. I went through all the options I could think of too. xD There are 3 E's in BetaTested, though maybe the two E's refer to Tested. Maybe this was a clever play with words and you get E letter grades where you're from?

My parents always said that they'd be forever proud

So I kept a few things from 'em that they wouldn’t have allowed

Never liked where I lived, and I argued out loud

And I couldn't please me moms, 'is why I got kicked out

Line 4 seems to contradict line 2? 'Cause the speaker implied he tried to please them by hiding those nasty secrets of his, then line 4 seemed to dump that line in the creek and implied he didn't care about pleasing them. Also, the parents in line 1 said they'd be proud, then line 4 said mom wasn't proud. xD

And hopefully the song ended well for you, considering the last two lines didn't finish the ABAB scheme it started. xD It was just the first half of it.

But considering all I could do was nitpick, I think this was a huge improvement. I really liked how personal it was made, and it's a great message for students. The tension definitely built through straight to the end. The story was told very well, I think. Sorry I don't have much more to say! Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hello again! I got your request, so I shall give whatever feedback I can!

I liked this song much better than the last one I looked at. This one told more of a story -- a personal one at that. It's written very well, and the listener can relate better to the singer.

The song seemed to talk more about grades, so I wasn't sure about your first line:

Things I never did, and people never met

Two E's to my name, with my head feeling light.

My parents always said that they'd be forever proud

So I kept a few things from 'em that they wouldn’t have allowed

Never liked where I lived, and I argued out loud

And I couldn't please me moms, 'is why I got kicked out

AmeliaCogin wrote:Hello! A review as requested...Ummm, ok, so lyrics aren't my thing, but I'm going to have a go You've got a good beat going on here. I'm going to listen to the youtube thingy now. As far as first impessions go, you've done a good job. And you know what? You've just got a *like*! Thanks ' Beta-T ' lol
~ Am

Hello! A review as requested...Ummm, ok, so lyrics aren't my thing, but I'm going to have a go You've got a good beat going on here. I'm going to listen to the youtube thingy now. As far as first impessions go, you've done a good job. And you know what? You've just got a *like*! Thanks ' Beta-T ' lol
~ Am

NLPrincess13 wrote:Nice Work!
I like it a lot... the beat is fit well too!
"My plan after school is to join the army

But it seems like I can't, it's not expected of me.

So I’m here rappin' 'bout it, work it out with Beta - T

And I think this line right here will be the last out of me."
i love this verse!! over all it'd be a hit....
keep up and update me with more

Nice Work!
I like it a lot... the beat is fit well too!
"My plan after school is to join the army

But it seems like I can't, it's not expected of me.

So I’m here rappin' 'bout it, work it out with Beta - T

And I think this line right here will be the last out of me."
i love this verse!! over all it'd be a hit....
keep up and update me with more